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Pregnant with second, but feeling regretful

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:25 PM
  • 12 Replies
I have a almost 4 year old boy and for about a year I wanted to give him a sibling. My hubby and I talked about it and planned and prepped for this pregnancy. But now that I am just barely pregnant, I regret it. I have been soo sick, been out of work for a month, and with all of my time off with my son, I am so sad that all of our lives will be changing so drasticly. Its also a pretty big gap between the kids, I don't know how my son will handle it and it scares me.. anyone else out there go through this? I'm just so ready to have my body back, to be able to eat again.. I can't handle this :-(
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by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:25 PM
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by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:26 PM
How do I make this anon?
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by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:29 PM
Maybe it's just all your hormones and I would say its normal to question or doubt things....You are starting a new chapter in all of your lives....Don't regret it...just take it one day at a time..get a plan 4 yr gap isn't a big deal He will be your little helper by time the baby comes! Congrats to you....It will all work out :)
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by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:35 PM

Quoting paige2009:

How do I make this anon?

This is the Elementary School Kids group, we don't have the anon feature here.  Sorry.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:42 PM
DS was almost 4 when I became pregnant with DD. I was so sick I would pick him up from daycare, park him in front of the tv with a pb&j and crawl into bed (DH had his busy season at work and we didn't want to tell anyone I was pregnant until the 2nd trimester). I still feel guilty about it 8 years later but I don't regret having DD. I wanted a big age gap as DS was able to have us to himself for 4 1/2 years. When she was born, he had no jealosy issues and as a big help. Now the novelty of her has worn off and they love/hate each other.

I think when you start to feel better, you'll think differently.
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by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:57 AM
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Change is hard. But once you hold your baby in your arms, and see your son hold his little brother or sister, you might feel differently. And, what you are feeling is normal. They don't call it "mixed emotions" for nothing. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Hopefully the sick feeling you have passes sooner rather than later. 

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:08 AM

My boys are a little more than four years apart and extremely tight. How many nine-year-olds insist their brother be included in group play?

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:25 PM
I so felt bad when I was preg with number 2. Which like your it was a planned pregnancy. I felt like I was taking everything away from my ds. They were about 3 years apart. But he loves his sister so much now. We talked to him about how being a big brother was special and important. These feeling will go away. When my 2nd baby had to stay in the NICU and my DS wouldn't stop crying because he wanted to take his baby home, I knew it was the right desion, you'll have that moment too. Hang in there first trimester sucks. (Sorry I'm really bad at spelling ;)
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by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:55 PM

It will get better.  I think it's just because the reality of it all has hit you, it all seems very scary right now.  Give it time and I'm sure you'll feel better about it.

Don't be concerned about the age gap.  My sister and I are 4.5 years apart and we have always been very close.  In fact, I'm closer to my sister than I am to my mom.  My sister was a very integral part to my life growing up and now my own boys absolutely love Aunt Wendi.

FYI - I think most groups on CM do not have the anon feature.  The only group I know of that does have it is Mom Confessions, and in there you have to be prepared to take the bad with the good.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:55 PM


I did go through this!  We watned a sibling for my older son (now 5) and it tooks us a long time to do it :/.  I went through months of infertiltiy treatments and we finally did get pregnant.  I, too, was sick.......and was put on complete bed rest for several months becuse of bleeding.  I almost got to the point of regretting it too!  I had a hard time bonding with my baby becuase of all of it :( :(.  But that was over a year ago now, and here's how things have gone

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, deserves every last one of those ! LOL

We were worried about Caden at first.  He was worried about me, wondering why I was in bed all the time.  He'd ask how I was feeling, but really he was so helpful!  He was so independent and he really took the initiative to take care of things on his own like pottying, hygeine, etc.  He was so small, but he was so good about it :) :).

We worried about him adjusting to his sibling, but he LOVES his baby brother.  Before Leo was born, Caden picked out many things for Leo, like blankets, clothes.  We even allowed him the honor of picking his name!  Dirt Bike and Robot were on the list, but he finally came to us with Leo :) :) :).  IT gave him a huge sense of pride that he's the one that was in contorl of some things.  Also, when we ask him to pick out an outfit, he always picks otu the ones he got at the store :).

And you can handle this.   You have time.  We were worried too!  My older son has severe food allergies.  And we were wondering "what hte heck are we going to do with another one with food allergies........what if he has completely different food allergies?!!"  Too late to think about that LOL.  And guess what.......Leo dose have a ton of food allergies.......opposite of the ton of food allergies Caden has.......And we are SURVIVING just fine :).

And you will eat again.  You are early.  Give it a few more weeks.  Find some comfort foods, like mashed potatoes.  Anything you just LOVE to eat, go for it :).  That's what I did.  I found some foods that didn't bother me as badly adn I stuck with it.  Before I knew it, I was out of that stage and enjoying my pregnancy a bit more.

Good luck!  And I'm here if you need a hand through this :)

by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:25 PM

 I have a 5 yr difference between ds1 and ds2 on purpose. Ds1 was so proud of being able to help out. Yes, they have their moments, but at 13 and 9, still get along well.

One thing I did to help prepare ds1 for his little brother was let him know it was ok to not always be happy about it. One book I loved for him was "Little Hippo's New Baby" by Harriet Ziefert; it talks about not only the good things about a new sibling, but that it's also ok to be upset about it, too. Another big help was a Sesame Street dvd, 3 Bears and a New Baby; it also shows that while a new baby is good, it's ok to be upset/jealous.

The book:


The dvd:






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