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Separation Anxiety...What Can I Do?

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:37 AM
  • 8 Replies

My daughter is 6 years old and in the first grade.  Every morning since right before Christmas we've been having trouble getting her to go to school.  She was sick and missed a week of school right before Christmas due to being sick ever since she got better and went back she has been a nightmare.  She clings to me in the morning, cries and doesn't want me to leave her at school. The teacher says that she's fine once I'm gone. 

My husband and I keep asking if something is happening at school and all she will say is "no I just don't like school. There is to much work." There is a lot more work this year and I know that it is a big adjustment for her but she's so smart and she zips through all the work they give her in a matter of minutes and gets straight A's.

I finally got out of her that there was a child bullying her in PE class and talked to the teacher and school guidance counselor about it.  The problem has been taken care of, the student sits on the opposite side of the classroom from her now and my daughter says he's not bothering her anymore. She tells me every day that she is afraid he's going to start picking on her again though...which I know is another part of the problem with her not wanting to go to school. She told us this weekend that another kid has been making fun of her on the bus because she's missing three of her teeth (they fell out over christmas break).  She asked me to start coming to pick her up after school because she doesn't want to ride the bus anymore so I told her I would be there to pick her up today.

She used to love going to school every day!!  It breaks my heart that my child who used to love school now dreads going every day.  I just don't know what to do to make things easier for her.  I leave the school in the morning feeling like the worst parent in the world for leaving her there crying even though I know she will be fine once I'm gone.  

Sorry for the long post but I just really needed to vent...today was the worst day yet!!

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:37 AM
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Replies (1-8):
wakymom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:09 AM

 It's so hard when they leave us in tears. (((Hugs)))

I'd start w/ reassuring her that the teacher is helping her by seating the boy away from her and is watching out to make sure it doesn't happen again. As for the bus, talk w/ the driver. Let him/her know what's going on. In 5th gr, ds1 had a problem w/ one of his best friends bullying him (nothing physical, more insults and threats); I told the bus driver we were having some problems w/ the 2 boys sitting together/near each other and he was very willing to change their seats.

 

 

 

 

 

Traci_Momof2
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Empower her to handle some of these situations on her own.  If you always take care of it for her, she will think she always needs you.  Give her tools to deal with situations on her own.

Such as the missing teeth comment.  If that kid, or any kid, comments negatively on her missing teeth, give her something she can say back.  For example, "Yeah, isn't it great that I lost teeth?  I'm so excited for my new ones to come in."  Confidence like that will make the person picking on her back off, because suddenly she has taken their power away.  Role play with her at home.  You pretend to pick on her and say a negative thing, then have her practice saying something back.  Make sure what you have her say is positive and doesn't stoop to their level.

No matter what, she is going to get picked on for something or another and she needs to learn now how to deal with it.  Mommy can't always deal with it for her.

Same thing with the boy in PE class.  You didn't share the details on what exactly that kid is doing, but if it's comments you can arm her in the same manner.

Once she has that confidence to deal with some of these things on her own, instead of just putting up with it, she won't be so scared to leave your side in the morning.  She's in 1st grade.  It's time for her to step out on her own.

coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:25 PM
This is good advice.

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

Empower her to handle some of these situations on her own.  If you always take care of it for her, she will think she always needs you.  Give her tools to deal with situations on her own.


Such as the missing teeth comment.  If that kid, or any kid, comments negatively on her missing teeth, give her something she can say back.  For example, "Yeah, isn't it great that I lost teeth?  I'm so excited for my new ones to come in."  Confidence like that will make the person picking on her back off, because suddenly she has taken their power away.  Role play with her at home.  You pretend to pick on her and say a negative thing, then have her practice saying something back.  Make sure what you have her say is positive and doesn't stoop to their level.


No matter what, she is going to get picked on for something or another and she needs to learn now how to deal with it.  Mommy can't always deal with it for her.


Same thing with the boy in PE class.  You didn't share the details on what exactly that kid is doing, but if it's comments you can arm her in the same manner.


Once she has that confidence to deal with some of these things on her own, instead of just putting up with it, she won't be so scared to leave your side in the morning.  She's in 1st grade.  It's time for her to step out on her own.

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bizkit_fanky
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:39 AM

We went thru the same thing the beginning of this year...Some little girls in dd's class like to shove her around...It all started in P.E. ...Dd was soo afraid...I talked to the teacher and the next day they were doing it again...Dh and I had a nice talk with the principal...Later that day, he called dd and the two other girls to the office...Just like I figured....They cried and claimed they didnt do it...I believe my dd, she loved school, and all of a sudden hated it, and cried to stay home...I know what you mean about thinking your a bad parent for leaving them there..,Your not tho....Am here if you wanna talk...Hope it gets better

bizkit_fanky
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:42 AM


I soo agree...My dd is small, they love to call her lil bit, and short pants...

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

Empower her to handle some of these situations on her own.  If you always take care of it for her, she will think she always needs you.  Give her tools to deal with situations on her own.

Such as the missing teeth comment.  If that kid, or any kid, comments negatively on her missing teeth, give her something she can say back.  For example, "Yeah, isn't it great that I lost teeth?  I'm so excited for my new ones to come in."  Confidence like that will make the person picking on her back off, because suddenly she has taken their power away.  Role play with her at home.  You pretend to pick on her and say a negative thing, then have her practice saying something back.  Make sure what you have her say is positive and doesn't stoop to their level.

No matter what, she is going to get picked on for something or another and she needs to learn now how to deal with it.  Mommy can't always deal with it for her.

Same thing with the boy in PE class.  You didn't share the details on what exactly that kid is doing, but if it's comments you can arm her in the same manner.

Once she has that confidence to deal with some of these things on her own, instead of just putting up with it, she won't be so scared to leave your side in the morning.  She's in 1st grade.  It's time for her to step out on her own.



BannerElkHogans
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 7:12 AM

my daughter is the exact opposite .......2 little boys who are best friends keep ganging up on my kid because she's the tallest kindergartner,an sweet so they pick on her an she gets them back...........an today I have to call the school because 1 of the little boys shoved her down in PE yesterday an gave her a giant goose egg bruise on her forehead.....so if their parents won't stop it I damn sure will........an this crap with the back an forth an her trying to defend herself an getting in trouble at school for it is BS...........I will never spank my kid for standing up for herself an not being a whinny tattle teller.

mommaFruFru
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:11 AM
My Ds is having similar problems.. since mid November, he will get really sensitive when we talk about school abd anytime school is talked about he gets a tummy ach :/ he does have a few boys in class that are rough and mean..

Finally we are looking into therapy... Just for someone he can talk to. He us also the smallest boy in class, has a speech problem... And the 3boys he was friends with have moved away.. so it is him, 15 girls, and 6 other boys, all if the boys are trouble makers :/

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Barabell
by Barbara on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:47 AM

I agree with this advice. My son had a kid on the bus that picked on him, and it didn't stop until my son learned how to empower themselves. The funny thing is that my son gets along with that kid now. Eventually, that kid apologized to my son, and now they actually stop and chat when they see each other.

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

Empower her to handle some of these situations on her own.  If you always take care of it for her, she will think she always needs you.  Give her tools to deal with situations on her own.

Such as the missing teeth comment.  If that kid, or any kid, comments negatively on her missing teeth, give her something she can say back.  For example, "Yeah, isn't it great that I lost teeth?  I'm so excited for my new ones to come in."  Confidence like that will make the person picking on her back off, because suddenly she has taken their power away.  Role play with her at home.  You pretend to pick on her and say a negative thing, then have her practice saying something back.  Make sure what you have her say is positive and doesn't stoop to their level.

No matter what, she is going to get picked on for something or another and she needs to learn now how to deal with it.  Mommy can't always deal with it for her.

Same thing with the boy in PE class.  You didn't share the details on what exactly that kid is doing, but if it's comments you can arm her in the same manner.

Once she has that confidence to deal with some of these things on her own, instead of just putting up with it, she won't be so scared to leave your side in the morning.  She's in 1st grade.  It's time for her to step out on her own.


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