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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

are all 11 year olds needy?

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:23 PM
  • 6 Replies

I am a mother of 3, ages 18, 16, 11, and my significant other of 8 years has a daughter, 11. i am a full time student trying to get my BSN I share joint custody of my 11 year old and have since he was 2 years old. My son has always done very well in school even testing into the accelerated program. Recently, he has not been completing homework and/or turning it in on time to get credit. My son continualy makes excuses (he doesn't understand the questions, the teacher didn't explain it well enough, and his father is supporting this behavior. For example my son says he doesn't have time in the evening because of wrestling practice, and my X agrees with this but refuses to cut back on practice time. So we have a sit down, the 3 of us, and after some going back and forth my X says that my son stated to him that neither of us spend any time with him individually. I am home every night that he is in my custody, I may be working on homework or laundry or other housework but I am here and I do interact with him. Am I wrong to  expect my intelligent 11 year old to understand everything going on and if he needs something to seek me out? I am already carrying around a ton of guilt about the fact that hes in joint custody and when I went back to school we went down an socioeconomic grade or 2. HELP!!!

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:23 PM
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Replies (1-6):
steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:46 PM

His homework is his responsibility.  If he chooses to not do it or chooses to not turn it it, then that is on him and he will suffer the consequences through bad grades or staying in at recess to complete it.  In my world, wrestling practice would only happy if homework is done, but that is just me.

GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I went through this with my kids a few years ago. I suspect it doesn't have to do with just his age.  I think he misses you.  It's not just about being there physically.  When I was in my senior year of college, I had very little time with the kids.  So, I made them a promise.  Not matter what happens (unless I have a test), Saturday's are theirs.  I've never broken that promise, even after I finished school.

As for the accelerated program.  My son tested into a challenge academy this past year (just turned 12 a few months ago, 11 when he did all the testing).  He did his work, but utterly failed in the homework department.  So, we talked to his teachers about this.  They assured us, with kids so young in an accelrated program, it's a normal learning curve.  My son said some of the exact same things.  I pushed him out of his box and made him ask his teacher more questions.  He is still quite shy, but we've seen a lot of growth.

Hope this helps!!!!

GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:54 PM

Agreed.  After speaking with my sons teachers, we put it all on his shoulders and told him if he got bad grades (which he has never gotten up to this point), he was his responsbility to fix, not ours.  So far, its worked pretty well.

Quoting steelcrazy:

His homework is his responsibility.  If he chooses to not do it or chooses to not turn it it, then that is on him and he will suffer the consequences through bad grades or staying in at recess to complete it.  In my world, wrestling practice would only happy if homework is done, but that is just me.


rachellee76
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:38 PM

this really helped soooo much why wouldn't I think to pick a day to make it theirs that is so simple thank you!!

Jazmyn1
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:47 PM
Well just because your home doesnt mean his needs are being met and smart or not hes still11yrs old he has all the typical needs of an 11 year old put off a little house work you ask if u should expect him to seek you out ,thats exactly what hes doing by acting out at school. When our kids grow up they dont remember how clean the house was they remember theti.es of playing together aharing laughs ect
They remember the house being so perfect cause they rememeber parents cleaning instead of playing....just my opinion
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janitablue
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:24 AM

Good luck in picking a day. It is tough working, maintain a home and also going  to college. Sometimes when we are going  through our every day grind we sometimes forget to take time out to do fun stuff with our child.


Quoting rachellee76:

this really helped soooo much why wouldn't I think to pick a day to make it theirs that is so simple thank you!!




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