Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stories VS. The Truth

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:10 AM
  • 12 Replies

I have a six year old boy, with a very active imagination. He is constantly telling me stories and I love it, but I'm concerned that when something that I need to take care of happens, I won't be able to tell the difference because he also has a habit of lying. 

For example, they have been talking a lot about bullying at his school and how to prevent it, well the last few weeks he tells me that he is being bullied by his classmates but when I brought it up with his teacher it was obviously the first time she had heard of it and my son kept looking down at his shoes while he told her about it. 

I want to believe him and fight for him when he needs me, but I don't know how to do that when 9 times out of 10 whatever he is telling me is made-up. And to make matters worse he has started asking me why I don't believe him! Help me please!!

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:12 AM

It's perfectly normal at his age to "tell stories".  You do, however, need to talk to him about "the boy who cried wolf" and although it's ok to have an imagination, it's not ok to "lie" about important issues such as getting hurt.  Just role play and explain the difference to him and he will most likely grow out of it.

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting mjande4:

It's perfectly normal at his age to "tell stories".  You do, however, need to talk to him about "the boy who cried wolf" and although it's ok to have an imagination, it's not ok to "lie" about important issues such as getting hurt.  Just role play and explain the difference to him and he will most likely grow out of it.

I agree with this advice. My son was constantly telling stories at this age. We worked with him about the difference, and I often went over the story of "the boy who cried wolf." He eventually understood the story and grew out of telling stories like that.

MJP76
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:23 PM

Did he say he told the teacher? And then she was like "I don't know what you're talking about." 

Because he may have not told his teacher, and the looking down at his shoes could have also been from embarrassment... Coming forth about bullying is a hard thing to do. Good luck finding the truth.

corrinacs
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this

What you describe sounds very familiar.  A gifted child that's bored, actually.  You need to ensure you provide TONS of time for him to use his imagination.  Lego sets, play sets, hand puppet show, etc.

But als otalk to him about the difference between his imaginary stories and real ones.  For example, if he's inclined to tell you stories about bullies, make sure that he says "wouldn't it be bullying if.......".  Give him words he can use to easily let oyu know where this is coming from.

Good luck and I hope he gets better with that!!  Sometimes I worry the same thing about my son, but I can easily tell when he's lying......he gets all shifty eyed.

PinkParadox
Report
Anonymous replies are cowardly. Stand behind what you say, or shut up. That is all.
Yesterday at 8:36 PM
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:03 PM

I don't know.  I have a 5 year old (almost 6) that tells the truth about everything, even when she knows she'll get in trouble.  I have a 7 year old that seems to lie about everything...even when it's not a big deal.  So far, I haven't found a way to get past it.  It's very frustrating.

MmeAustin
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:17 PM


My first question is always, "Did you tell a teacher?" He always says that he did, when he doesn't make eye contact that's usually how I can tell he is lying.. I'm just not sure what to do! 

Quoting MJP76:

Did he say he told the teacher? And then she was like "I don't know what you're talking about." 

Because he may have not told his teacher, and the looking down at his shoes could have also been from embarrassment... Coming forth about bullying is a hard thing to do. Good luck finding the truth.



MmeAustin
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:17 PM

Thank you everyone for your help I appreciate it!

MJP76
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:34 PM


Well, I've never had my children lie to me without coming clean almost immediately, so my best guess would be to explain to him that it doesn't benifit the teacher at all to lie about it. People only lie if they are getting something out of it, and the teacher wouldn't be getting anything out of it. I would also add in that discussion, that you will give him one more chance to come clean without any repercussions ( you yelling at him or grounding him) I have found that speaking to children on their terms helps them to be honest. And speaking to him on his level may also help you understand why he is doing what he is doing. I mean obviously it's for attention.. But why? What's going on at home that makes him feel he needs extra attention... So forth and so no.

Quoting MmeAustin:


My first question is always, "Did you tell a teacher?" He always says that he did, when he doesn't make eye contact that's usually how I can tell he is lying.. I'm just not sure what to do! 

Quoting MJP76:

Did he say he told the teacher? And then she was like "I don't know what you're talking about." 

Because he may have not told his teacher, and the looking down at his shoes could have also been from embarrassment... Coming forth about bullying is a hard thing to do. Good luck finding the truth.





MamiJaAyla
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:48 PM

I have a son just like this.  And it takes a LOOOOooooong time to get the difference in.  My dividing point was this:  a lie is something we say to get out of trouble or that will get someone else in trouble that is not true.  Stories are fun. Lies hurt people, physically and/or emotionally".

When we are talking about real people around us you tell what actually happened.  -- I haven't quite succeeded at that distinction yet but we are working on it.

He still tells a LOT of whoppers but in general he's a pretty honest kid with a WILD imagination.  He convince the social worker at his school he was going ot Alaska with his dad to hunt, wrote about going to Paris with his abuelo, etc.etc.etc.  But generally I count these as STORIES and not "lies" b/c they are not to hurt anyone they are his imagination running wild.

babynurse244
by Beth on Feb. 3, 2013 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 I've heard that "telling stories" and lying are actually signs of a highly intelligent child, because they have to know and understand what the truth is before they can distort it.

My 6 year old is doing it, too. It's annoying as heck, and I can't figure out where the truth is a lot of the time, but I keep telling myself (although I do correct her) it's fairly  normal at this age.

Quoting corrinacs:

What you describe sounds very familiar.  A gifted child that's bored, actually.  You need to ensure you provide TONS of time for him to use his imagination.  Lego sets, play sets, hand puppet show, etc.

But als otalk to him about the difference between his imaginary stories and real ones.  For example, if he's inclined to tell you stories about bullies, make sure that he says "wouldn't it be bullying if.......".  Give him words he can use to easily let oyu know where this is coming from.

Good luck and I hope he gets better with that!!  Sometimes I worry the same thing about my son, but I can easily tell when he's lying......he gets all shifty eyed.


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)