Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Am I wrong? Baby Daddy Drama & IDK what to do.

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:48 PM
  • 35 Replies

So I've finally calmed down but I was livid earlier. PHEW does Giselle's dad annoy my entire life!!

I am finally fed up with the BD and his temperament. Okay, our arrangement is that he gives me $200/month and takes Giselle one day out of the weekend, alternating Fridays and Saturdays. Now this past weekend was his Saturday but he called me up & asked if I could keep her the whole weekend because he was going out of town. Now mind you, we had  just had an argument two wks ago because he called me a stupid B and all types of crazy stuff while Giselle was in the car with him because he claims I was being neglectful for not having taken her to the doc, but I digress. So i was already pissed at him but I said whatever and he went. He is supposed to take her this whole weekend but she has a project to do so I told him that I'd keep her this Saturday and he'd take her Friday & saturday next weekend. Cue WWIII. "Nope I can't do it. I have plans. I don't care. I'm not doing. I'm going out of town. I bought tickets." bla bla bla yelling yelling yelling. Now I did have a coworker lunch I wanted to attend but what grinds my gears is his attitude. So I stood my ground and told him that he was techinically supposed to take her that Saturday anyway, so he shouldn't have made plans. He comes and starts being all defensive and loud in my house, and just completely ridiculous. UGH! 


It's frustrating to me because oh he loves her soooo much but his friend outings etc are always priority and if he can't get it his way, well gosh darn it im a stupid unreasonable beeyotch. Can you say psychotic?

Anyway he does this far too often, and although he can be a good dad, I'm TIRED! I frankly don't wanna deal with him anymore. I'm 23 years old and our daughter is 6. THIS SHOULDN'T STILL BE HAPPENING!!!


Is it wrong that I want the court to tell us when he has to take her and whatnot? I just want that stabilized. I thought that went hand in hand with child support but I guess that's a different thing. Im in Chicago, IL and I know it varies by state. If he already gives me $200/ month , is there a point in even filing for child support or will I look like a greedy woman? He has a decent job at Bank of American downtown, while I only work part time and go to school so the money would help but IDK if I'd even have a case. Sigh IDK I'm just frustrated and don't have anyone to talk aboiut this type of ordeal... any help would be amazing. Thanks.


by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Tryshx
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:36 AM
2 moms liked this

Well, honestly, the two of you might want to consider sitting down with a mediator and work on a formal parenting plan.  That way it's a written contract about when his visitations are, and who has what holiday, ect.  If you cannot agree on anything with mediation take it to court and let a judge decide visitation for the two of you.

You can request a court ordered visitation schedule without filing for child support.  In most states child support and visitation are two seperate issues anyways.  If you feel like he should be giving you more that $200 maybe (because the cost of raising a child goes up as they get older) you could just simply try talking to him so you don't have to get the courts too involved.  $200 a month is not a lot. Just saying... When DH was ordered to pay CS his payments were $315 a month for a 2 year old (and DH didn't have ANY income when his payments were calculated...)

christymartini
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:01 AM
You know what I've heard of a mediator but not really sure what it is... Thanks for reminding me. That sounds like a good option. I'm going to look into it! Thanks.


Quoting Tryshx:

Well, honestly, the two of you might want to consider sitting down with a mediator and work on a formal parenting plan.  That way it's a written contract about when his visitations are, and who has what holiday, ect.  If you cannot agree on anything with mediation take it to court and let a judge decide visitation for the two of you.

You can request a court ordered visitation schedule without filing for child support.  In most states child support and visitation are two seperate issues anyways.  If you feel like he should be giving you more that $200 maybe (because the cost of raising a child goes up as they get older) you could just simply try talking to him so you don't have to get the courts too involved.  $200 a month is not a lot. Just saying... When DH was ordered to pay CS his payments were $315 a month for a 2 year old (and DH didn't have ANY income when his payments were calculated...)


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
psychessun
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:31 AM

I don't think you can "force" the non-custodial parent to take their time, that's one of the fabulous parts of being the CP.

you can have a schedule decided on, but he still has the ability to cancel.

Lslk
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:57 AM

Ok so are you guys fighting about who is taking your child in front of her? If so, I'm sure this child feels like no one wants her. Honestly I would be happy that BD didn't take her that way I get to spend more time with my DD. A lot of times BD will not get my DD and all I can think is how he is missing  out on such a great child. My gain, his lose! Embrace it!!!

As to your questions.....It is ALWAYS better to go to court to get a CO in place. Even with having that in place you are not garunteed that BD will follow it. File for child support who cares if you are being a greedy Mom. Child Support is not for you but for your Child!

wakymom
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:07 AM

 Personally, I'd go through the court and make everything official. If he's blowing off his agreed-upon visitation for friends, it's not a big stretch to think he might do the same thing w/ the $200/month he's agreed to give you. If it's court-ordered child-support, you can at least fight him if he tries to weasel out of it. Same w/ visitation.

 

 

 

 

 

ChristieV
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:18 AM

Maybe it would be easier to do both weekend days every other weekend. That way you each have a whole weekend with her, or to do your own activities. That is what all of my divorced friends do.

suetoo
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Make sure you document every issue, time, dates, when you were notified, and quote or tape what ever he says, every excuse he gives and whether your dd is in hearing distance. Good luck!

MamaDearie
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:13 AM

I think you both really need to grow up. Alot. Now. For the sake of your child.

"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." (Lin Yutang)

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath Valentines tickers

Daisypath Easter gifts tickers

christymartini
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:40 PM
Thanks! It's not that I want to force him, he has no problem taking her most of the time. My main issue is that when he asks to switch or something and it won't work out well, he blows his fuse! I'm just sick of the attitude you know?


Quoting psychessun:

I don't think you can "force" the non-custodial parent to take their time, that's one of the fabulous parts of being the CP.


you can have a schedule decided on, but he still has the ability to cancel.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
christymartini
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:41 PM
Thanks, oh wise one. You're advice is by far the most useful.... -__-


Quoting MamaDearie:

I think you both really need to grow up. Alot. Now. For the sake of your child.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN