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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Am I wrong? Baby Daddy Drama & IDK what to do.

So I've finally calmed down but I was livid earlier. PHEW does Giselle's dad annoy my entire life!!

I am finally fed up with the BD and his temperament. Okay, our arrangement is that he gives me $200/month and takes Giselle one day out of the weekend, alternating Fridays and Saturdays. Now this past weekend was his Saturday but he called me up & asked if I could keep her the whole weekend because he was going out of town. Now mind you, we had  just had an argument two wks ago because he called me a stupid B and all types of crazy stuff while Giselle was in the car with him because he claims I was being neglectful for not having taken her to the doc, but I digress. So i was already pissed at him but I said whatever and he went. He is supposed to take her this whole weekend but she has a project to do so I told him that I'd keep her this Saturday and he'd take her Friday & saturday next weekend. Cue WWIII. "Nope I can't do it. I have plans. I don't care. I'm not doing. I'm going out of town. I bought tickets." bla bla bla yelling yelling yelling. Now I did have a coworker lunch I wanted to attend but what grinds my gears is his attitude. So I stood my ground and told him that he was techinically supposed to take her that Saturday anyway, so he shouldn't have made plans. He comes and starts being all defensive and loud in my house, and just completely ridiculous. UGH! 


It's frustrating to me because oh he loves her soooo much but his friend outings etc are always priority and if he can't get it his way, well gosh darn it im a stupid unreasonable beeyotch. Can you say psychotic?

Anyway he does this far too often, and although he can be a good dad, I'm TIRED! I frankly don't wanna deal with him anymore. I'm 23 years old and our daughter is 6. THIS SHOULDN'T STILL BE HAPPENING!!!


Is it wrong that I want the court to tell us when he has to take her and whatnot? I just want that stabilized. I thought that went hand in hand with child support but I guess that's a different thing. Im in Chicago, IL and I know it varies by state. If he already gives me $200/ month , is there a point in even filing for child support or will I look like a greedy woman? He has a decent job at Bank of American downtown, while I only work part time and go to school so the money would help but IDK if I'd even have a case. Sigh IDK I'm just frustrated and don't have anyone to talk aboiut this type of ordeal... any help would be amazing. Thanks.


by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:48 PM
Replies (11-20):
christymartini
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:44 PM
No, I didn't mean to make it seem like either of us don't want to take her. That's crazy talk, she's attached to my hip! Lol she's seen us argue but doesnt really catch on to why and then she'll go off and do her own thing. Idk maybe it's bad that she doesn't get all riled up over it?

Anyway, the main issue at hand is that he blows his fuse for no reason, namely when he can't get things his way. We usually have each others back when something comes up on the day that one of us has her, but when it's not a possibility... It just seems like the end of the world. And I'm tired of it.


Quoting Lslk:

Ok so are you guys fighting about who is taking your child in front of her? If so, I'm sure this child feels like no one wants her. Honestly I would be happy that BD didn't take her that way I get to spend more time with my DD. A lot of times BD will not get my DD and all I can think is how he is missing  out on such a great child. My gain, his lose! Embrace it!!!

As to your questions.....It is ALWAYS better to go to court to get a CO in place. Even with having that in place you are not garunteed that BD will follow it. File for child support who cares if you are being a greedy Mom. Child Support is not for you but for your Child!


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bleumonster
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with mediation and keeping a record of when he changes his days and when he throws a major fit.
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Kimmer331
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Sound like my daughters dad.  He can be a great dad, when it works in to his schedule.  He gets mad if I ask him to watch her because I have to work late.  He has flat out told me he can't watch her for the 1 1/2 hrs on Tuesday because it interupts his day....he could plan things is what he says.  VERY frustrating!!!!  I try not to fight in front of her, but sometimes he starts the fights and I'm not going to back down either.  Usually they are over the phone, so mine always feels bad that I yell at daddy....but I have reminded her how angry he gets from time to time and that no one has the right to talk to anyone like that. 

I am always more than happy to keep my daughter with me and have had to find babysitters last minute because he surprises me with these things.  I figure its my gain and his loss-like someone else commented earlier.  We do what we have to do as moms.  Frustrating I know, but I'd rather be seen as the strong parent that actually wanted her around,  I have a feeling my daughter will realize soon enough that other things in dad's life have taken priority to having her around.

Just know you are not alone in this battle!  

GOOD LUCK!!!

Quoting christymartini:

Thanks! It's not that I want to force him, he has no problem taking her most of the time. My main issue is that when he asks to switch or something and it won't work out well, he blows his fuse! I'm just sick of the attitude you know?


Quoting psychessun:

I don't think you can "force" the non-custodial parent to take their time, that's one of the fabulous parts of being the CP.


you can have a schedule decided on, but he still has the ability to cancel.



christymartini
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:07 PM
Ugh, yes girl! It's frustrating indeed. And you're totally right. They're the ones who are missing out. It's just frustrating that we as mothers do so much and when it's their turn... They can barely handle it. Anyway, I need to work on keeping my cool because she has seen how flustered he makes me.

Hopefully one day they'll realize that all that time spent doing other things could've been spent bonding with their little one. :/


Quoting Kimmer331:

Sound like my daughters dad.  He can be a great dad, when it works in to his schedule.  He gets mad if I ask him to watch her because I have to work late.  He has flat out told me he can't watch her for the 1 1/2 hrs on Tuesday because it interupts his day....he could plan things is what he says.  VERY frustrating!!!!  I try not to fight in front of her, but sometimes he starts the fights and I'm not going to back down either.  Usually they are over the phone, so mine always feels bad that I yell at daddy....but I have reminded her how angry he gets from time to time and that no one has the right to talk to anyone like that. 

I am always more than happy to keep my daughter with me and have had to find babysitters last minute because he surprises me with these things.  I figure its my gain and his loss-like someone else commented earlier.  We do what we have to do as moms.  Frustrating I know, but I'd rather be seen as the strong parent that actually wanted her around,  I have a feeling my daughter will realize soon enough that other things in dad's life have taken priority to having her around.

Just know you are not alone in this battle!  

GOOD LUCK!!!

Quoting christymartini:

Thanks! It's not that I want to force him, he has no problem taking her most of the time. My main issue is that when he asks to switch or something and it won't work out well, he blows his fuse! I'm just sick of the attitude you know?





Quoting psychessun:

I don't think you can "force" the non-custodial parent to take their time, that's one of the fabulous parts of being the CP.



you can have a schedule decided on, but he still has the ability to cancel.





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mamawolf1103
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:22 PM

I don't have this issue, but had a dad that did this as a child. He would see us when he felt he had the time. I will tell you that as an adult we have virtually no relationship as I figured out as i got older that I wasn't a priority to him. surprise, Suprise I still am not. I hope her dad shapes up and makes her his priority, not his friends.

MamaDearie
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Someday you will look back at episodes like this in your life and be filled with regret and guilt for making the choices you made. You may not be able to control your child's father's behavior but you can certainly control yours. Referring to him as a 'baby daddy'? I'm sure your family beams with pride at the choices you make! As I said earlier, grow up. Now. You decided to have a child. And now it is time for you to stop acting like one. If you do this now, perhaps your daughter will have a fighting chance at a normal, healthy life and won't be pregnant by 17 as you were.

Quoting christymartini:

Thanks, oh wise one. You're advice is by far the most useful.... -__-


Quoting MamaDearie:

I think you both really need to grow up. Alot. Now. For the sake of your child.



"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." (Lin Yutang)

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corrinacs
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:29 PM

Well, how often does he go out with friends?  People do make plans to hang out with the guys, or business trips, etc.  It does happen.

I think that you guys should keep communication open about when visitations are going to be.  If it does happen often, make sure he knows its quite often that he's changing the plans....which makes it hard for you to plan around that.

Good luck!!!

mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:32 PM

In IL, you should be getting around 20% of his net income. If he has a decent job downtown, making more than $20K, odds are good you should be getting more than $200/month, even with your custody arrangement. It doesn't matter what his other expenses are, like living expenses etc, the child support gets paid first and he lives off what is leftover. Even if that means he needs to find a different living arrangement and curtail his entertainment budget. Sorry, that is life. Supporting his child comes first.

Besides, you want child support payments documented. If he ever fails to pay int he future, you have recourse and the courts can garnish is wages etc. It protects the interests of your daughter.

Kimmer331
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:32 PM

Exactly....be the strong one for them....they need at least that stability in their life.

Quoting christymartini:

Ugh, yes girl! It's frustrating indeed. And you're totally right. They're the ones who are missing out. It's just frustrating that we as mothers do so much and when it's their turn... They can barely handle it. Anyway, I need to work on keeping my cool because she has seen how flustered he makes me.

Hopefully one day they'll realize that all that time spent doing other things could've been spent bonding with their little one. :/


Quoting Kimmer331:

Sound like my daughters dad.  He can be a great dad, when it works in to his schedule.  He gets mad if I ask him to watch her because I have to work late.  He has flat out told me he can't watch her for the 1 1/2 hrs on Tuesday because it interupts his day....he could plan things is what he says.  VERY frustrating!!!!  I try not to fight in front of her, but sometimes he starts the fights and I'm not going to back down either.  Usually they are over the phone, so mine always feels bad that I yell at daddy....but I have reminded her how angry he gets from time to time and that no one has the right to talk to anyone like that. 

I am always more than happy to keep my daughter with me and have had to find babysitters last minute because he surprises me with these things.  I figure its my gain and his loss-like someone else commented earlier.  We do what we have to do as moms.  Frustrating I know, but I'd rather be seen as the strong parent that actually wanted her around,  I have a feeling my daughter will realize soon enough that other things in dad's life have taken priority to having her around.

Just know you are not alone in this battle!  

GOOD LUCK!!!

Quoting christymartini:

Thanks! It's not that I want to force him, he has no problem taking her most of the time. My main issue is that when he asks to switch or something and it won't work out well, he blows his fuse! I'm just sick of the attitude you know?





Quoting psychessun:

I don't think you can "force" the non-custodial parent to take their time, that's one of the fabulous parts of being the CP.



you can have a schedule decided on, but he still has the ability to cancel.






christymartini
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:37 PM
What in the world? May I ask why you're so riled up over this? Is your life that pathetic that you have to add some spice to it by talking down to someone on Cafemom?

What exactly do I have to be guilty and remorseful for? Because I want him to quit freaking out over something silly like missing a concert? Or because I referred to him as baby daddy? Lol which is just a fast way to say father of my child, I've never met someone who took such offense to it.

I was asking for advice about whether proceeding through court was best, not because I wanted to be scolded for being a teen mom.
You're obviously older than me,( and in your books better) so why didn't you get off your high horse and give some actual advice?
Good luck raising kids that aren't judgmental and rude, like you seem to be.


Quoting MamaDearie:

Someday you will look back at episodes like this in your life and be filled with regret and guilt for making the choices you made. You may not be able to control your child's father's behavior but you can certainly control yours. Referring to him as a 'baby daddy'? I'm sure your family beams with pride at the choices you make! As I said earlier, grow up. Now. You decided to have a child. And now it is time for you to stop acting like one. If you do this now, perhaps your daughter will have a fighting chance at a normal, healthy life and won't be pregnant by 17 as you were.

Quoting christymartini:

Thanks, oh wise one. You're advice is by far the most useful.... -__-





Quoting MamaDearie:

I think you both really need to grow up. Alot. Now. For the sake of your child.





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