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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Am I wrong? Baby Daddy Drama & IDK what to do.

So I've finally calmed down but I was livid earlier. PHEW does Giselle's dad annoy my entire life!!

I am finally fed up with the BD and his temperament. Okay, our arrangement is that he gives me $200/month and takes Giselle one day out of the weekend, alternating Fridays and Saturdays. Now this past weekend was his Saturday but he called me up & asked if I could keep her the whole weekend because he was going out of town. Now mind you, we had  just had an argument two wks ago because he called me a stupid B and all types of crazy stuff while Giselle was in the car with him because he claims I was being neglectful for not having taken her to the doc, but I digress. So i was already pissed at him but I said whatever and he went. He is supposed to take her this whole weekend but she has a project to do so I told him that I'd keep her this Saturday and he'd take her Friday & saturday next weekend. Cue WWIII. "Nope I can't do it. I have plans. I don't care. I'm not doing. I'm going out of town. I bought tickets." bla bla bla yelling yelling yelling. Now I did have a coworker lunch I wanted to attend but what grinds my gears is his attitude. So I stood my ground and told him that he was techinically supposed to take her that Saturday anyway, so he shouldn't have made plans. He comes and starts being all defensive and loud in my house, and just completely ridiculous. UGH! 


It's frustrating to me because oh he loves her soooo much but his friend outings etc are always priority and if he can't get it his way, well gosh darn it im a stupid unreasonable beeyotch. Can you say psychotic?

Anyway he does this far too often, and although he can be a good dad, I'm TIRED! I frankly don't wanna deal with him anymore. I'm 23 years old and our daughter is 6. THIS SHOULDN'T STILL BE HAPPENING!!!


Is it wrong that I want the court to tell us when he has to take her and whatnot? I just want that stabilized. I thought that went hand in hand with child support but I guess that's a different thing. Im in Chicago, IL and I know it varies by state. If he already gives me $200/ month , is there a point in even filing for child support or will I look like a greedy woman? He has a decent job at Bank of American downtown, while I only work part time and go to school so the money would help but IDK if I'd even have a case. Sigh IDK I'm just frustrated and don't have anyone to talk aboiut this type of ordeal... any help would be amazing. Thanks.


by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:48 PM
Replies (31-35):
chels210
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:33 AM
1 mom liked this
I would definatly go to court and get cs established. As far as him not picking her up on her days? Not much you can do. Maybe I would print a calender and hand it to him with the days highligted and tell him that if he deviates from the schedule, you would like a 2 day notice, and the same will be given to him. Keep a copy of the calender and write down when he doesn't meet his obligations to his daughter.
I'm dealing with the same thing with my boys, except the cs is taken out of xh check. Goodluck
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christymartini
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:41 AM
That's actually a really good idea! I like it. It prevents any confusion and will keep him from bugging me. That's all I really want! Thanks :)


Quoting chels210:

I would definatly go to court and get cs established. As far as him not picking her up on her days? Not much you can do. Maybe I would print a calender and hand it to him with the days highligted and tell him that if he deviates from the schedule, you would like a 2 day notice, and the same will be given to him. Keep a copy of the calender and write down when he doesn't meet his obligations to his daughter.

I'm dealing with the same thing with my boys, except the cs is taken out of xh check. Goodluck

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christymartini
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:43 AM
Thank you so much, Hun! For your original post & for sticking up for me. It's refreshing seeing someone that understands. I'm not a bad person. Nor am I always without fault. I do love my daughter and just want the best for her though and am trying my hardest. Thanks so much for your input <3


Quoting SewingMamaLele:

She comes off like a very reasonable, responsable young mother to me... so, I'm not sure what you're giving attitude about?  

Quoting MamaDearie:

I'm not talking down to you. I am simply calling it as I see it. And given the way you have chosen to represent yourself on here, you can blame yourself for being seen that way. I stand by my comments and my opinions. I'm sure they will make little difference to you now but perhaps someday you will realize that you should have heeded the advice of people older and more educated than yourself. 

As to the advice about your situation- proceed through court and official channels. Let the system decide what is best for your child since you and your child's father can't seem to put your own egos aside long enough to do it on your own.

Quoting christymartini:

What in the world? May I ask why you're so riled up over this? Is your life that pathetic that you have to add some spice to it by talking down to someone on Cafemom?



What exactly do I have to be guilty and remorseful for? Because I want him to quit freaking out over something silly like missing a concert? Or because I referred to him as baby daddy? Lol which is just a fast way to say father of my child, I've never met someone who took such offense to it.



I was asking for advice about whether proceeding through court was best, not because I wanted to be scolded for being a teen mom.

You're obviously older than me,( and in your books better) so why didn't you get off your high horse and give some actual advice?

Good luck raising kids that aren't judgmental and rude, like you seem to be.





Quoting MamaDearie:

Someday you will look back at episodes like this in your life and be filled with regret and guilt for making the choices you made. You may not be able to control your child's father's behavior but you can certainly control yours. Referring to him as a 'baby daddy'? I'm sure your family beams with pride at the choices you make! As I said earlier, grow up. Now. You decided to have a child. And now it is time for you to stop acting like one. If you do this now, perhaps your daughter will have a fighting chance at a normal, healthy life and won't be pregnant by 17 as you were.

Quoting christymartini:

Thanks, oh wise one. You're advice is by far the most useful.... -__-








Quoting MamaDearie:

I think you both really need to grow up. Alot. Now. For the sake of your child.










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Lurion
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:45 AM

Just Google "child support calculator" and punch in your income, his income, any daycare and medical expenses, and how many nights a week the child spends with each parent, and it will give you a number. That's pretty much the number you'll get in court, if there aren't any major contributing factors. I don't know your work situation, but it seems to me he may be getting off really easy with $200. 

There's not much you can do about him not showing up once in a while. I actually had it put in to our agreement that if he didn't show up more than once a month, or showed up late, he has to pay me $10 an hour to cover for him. 

Why haven't you put anything in writing?

 


Quoting christymartini:

Honestly? I don't know, he just kind of said that he'd give me that Much & that's what it's been since she was 5 (he gave me 130 for prek when she was 4). And he works a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. Her schools by my house, and he just recently got a car so it works best for him to take her Friday or Saturday. Meh :/


Quoting Lurion:

$200 is nothing! Especially since he only has one day a week visitation. How did you arrive at that number?

I have a friend who works at McDonald's who pays more than that. 

Why did you set it to rotate Fridays and Saturdays?




christymartini
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:49 AM
I'll do that. Honestly, we broke up about 2 years ago. We had a topsy turvy relationship prior to our breakup. I don't wanna make him sound like a complete doush.., he helps when he can. The problems arise when he gets defensive when he thinks when he's in the right, when he isn't. He has temperament issues. And I'm officially fed up. Thanks for your advice though. I'm really trying to think things through.


Quoting Lurion:

Just Google "child support calculator" and punch in your income, his income, any daycare and medical expenses, and how many nights a week the child spends with each parent, and it will give you a number. That's pretty much the number you'll get in court, if there aren't any major contributing factors. I don't know your work situation, but it seems to me he may be getting off really easy with $200. 

There's not much you can do about him not showing up once in a while. I actually had it put in to our agreement that if he didn't show up more than once a month, or showed up late, he has to pay me $10 an hour to cover for him. 

Why haven't you put anything in writing?

 



Quoting christymartini:

Honestly? I don't know, he just kind of said that he'd give me that Much & that's what it's been since she was 5 (he gave me 130 for prek when she was 4). And he works a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. Her schools by my house, and he just recently got a car so it works best for him to take her Friday or Saturday. Meh :/





Quoting Lurion:

$200 is nothing! Especially since he only has one day a week visitation. How did you arrive at that number?

I have a friend who works at McDonald's who pays more than that. 

Why did you set it to rotate Fridays and Saturdays?







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