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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Son in K5 with (possible) ADHD and teacher is fed-up. :(

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:56 PM
  • 43 Replies

My son has not been officially diagnosed with ADHD.  He's been seeing a therapist and is scheduled to have a "psych test".  Since before he started school I had concerns that his hyperactivity would cause issues in the classroom.  He's very bright.  He's advanced in his math skills and is reading.  His memory is fantastic.  He's creative and happy. So the issue is, he cannot sit still and focus in class.  He misses directions, he gets easily distracted. 

Last year, he had a very patient and skilled teacher who was able to redirect him pretty well and seemed to think that he would mature and develop the skills he needed over time.  His teacher this year, based on the messages I get from her, seems pretty fed up with him.  I get messages saying he had a terrible time staying on task, he's the only child not to complete all of his centers, he was only calm because you were here, I asked him why he cant do that when you're not here, He cannot continue to disrupt the class, I will have to find a way to separate so he does not bother others.  The tone of her emails come across very stern.   We've had meetings in the past.  I'm working with him at home.  I'm taking him to a therapist.  I have no intentions on putting him on meds.  I'm not sure what else I can do.   I sent an email back today asking what does the school normally do in situations like this along with some other questions.  I also asked to have the principal weigh in.  The principal is new this year.  He seems young and possible inexperienced.  At least that is what I got after talking to him.  I was expecting to meet with them this evening but tonight's conferences were rescheduled because of the snow.

I understand how difficult it can be trying to keep him on task.  I live with him! I do believe he should be on his best behavior.  I don't want to make excuses for him.  But I'm starting to really realize that he cannot help it.  He really does try to do well.  We have a reward system set up at home.  I'm starting to wonder if a traditional class setting or his school is right for him.  He goes to a private school and I don't believe they have the resources to give special attention to bright students who have a hard time focusing.  But they do for students who fall behind. 

I really want my son to succeed in school. I truly believe I was overlooked as a child and had I received the attention or style of learning I needed I may have done much better.  I went from being gifted and talented to being the kid who "has the potential to do better" and got in trouble for not paying attention in class.  I will not let that happen to him.  He is so smart.  I don't ever want him to be pushed aside because of his inability to sit still.

Another factor is my husband and I split a year and a half ago.  At first it was hard for him, but right now he "seems" to handle it very well.  Unfortunately my husband doesn't want to work on things.  We will most likely be filing for divorce very soon.  The therapist seemed okay with how well he's doing with the split.  It was hard for me as a child, so I can imagine it's hard for him too.

Any advice on how I can communicate with the teacher?  How I can become more proactive?  Or anything that experience has brought to mind? Thank you!!!

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
piwife
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:40 PM
Can you request a new teacher? Some teachers just can't handle it
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:50 PM
I wouldn't automatically assume its the teacher, although personality conflicts occur . Behaviors like you describe are often tolerated more in kindergarten. As kids move up in grades the expectations are more stringent. What also may be occurring, particularly if it is a private school, is the other PAYING parents are complaining. This school may not be the right fit, but I would also encourage you to look at all possibilities, including medication and diet.
GwenMB
by Gwen on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I know you don't want to do meds, but have you looked at diet?  I've heard of food dyes (esp red 40) being bad for kids with ADHD & I've also heard of success with the gluten free diet for ADHD kids.

If you haven't yet, I'd start with diet & see if it helps.

janitablue
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:05 PM
2 moms liked this

Hugs I know how you feel. First get your son evaluate by a pediatricians, psychologists,  or psychiatrist. During the evaluation you will receive a questionnaire on his behavior from the doctor for you  and your son's teacher to filled out. Once you son is diagnosis take the paper work to  the school so they can create 504 plan . The 504 plan is create to modify the school work for your son  needs.  If you live in new jersey send me a message and I will give you some numbers.

Click on CHADD this is great site and I hope it will help you find the answer that you need.


LadyNCVE
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:45 PM
He eats a pretty healthy diet. At my house its clean eating. Unfortunately his dads side tends to over due the sugars and processed good IMO. I've tried for years to talk to them about it. Maybe the therapist can talk to my sons dad about it. Ill def research the food dyes and gluten free diet.

We've done the questionnaire part and seeing the therapist for occupational therapy. Monday we see the psych. I'm anxious for the results. :/
soymujer
by Mikki on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Our youngest was just diagnosed with ADD.  We were skeptical on putting him on meds and so we talked to the teachers, the school psycologist, his sped teachers and the counselor.  We decided to put him on meds along with a behavior chart at school and home and is doing great.  It's only been a couple of weeks and they are seeing a difference.  So, I wouldn't totally be against the meds. 

But since he has been diagnosed with ADHD, does he have an IEP?  If not, you need to get on that.  Or the 504 plan.  This will be able to give him the help he needs.

family in the van   Mom of four


ivegotrhythm
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:11 PM
3 moms liked this

 THIS.

Your son sounds exactly like mine.  I believed that diagnoses were labels and excuses for lazy parenting.  I did not believe in medicating children.

While everyone in my sons life was telling me he needed help, I let him suffer because I didn't believe in labels or diagnoses or meds.

Finally, after a year of having to carry my second grader out of the classroom because he was curled in the fetal position sobbing because he was so ashamed of his own behavior that HE COULD NOT CONTROL no matter how many behavior modification programs we put in place, I took him to a psychologist.

He is severely ADHD ( as in 98th % in most categories). 

The only way I agreed to meds was when the Dr. made me see how much it would help HIM: he wanted to be good, he wanted to make friends and he just COULDN'T.  I had no interest in medicating him to make it easier on his teachers.

I'm not saying your kid needs meds but please don't close your mind to the possibility that it could be the best thing FOR HIM.

I live with the regret of not getting my son help sooner and making him suffer through two hellish years of school because I was so closed-minded.

 


Quoting janitablue:

Hugs I know how you feel. First get your son evaluate by a pediatricians, psychologists,  or psychiatrist. During the evaluation you will receive a questionnaire on his behavior from the doctor for you  and your son's teacher to filled out. Once you son is diagnosis take the paper work to  the school so they can create 504 plan . The 504 plan is create to modify the school work for your son  needs.  If you live in new jersey send me a message and I will give you some numbers.

Click on CHADD this is great site and I hope it will help you find the answer that you need.


 

CHDMommy3
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:13 PM
1 mom liked this

 I feel your frustration and I had all of the same stuggles with my DS starting in kindergarden.  I agree with GwenMB about the diet modification, I changed my sons diet and it helped with his behavior, but let me stress that it did not bring him from a 10 to a 2 it was more like 10 to an 8.  If you are interested I can share glutten free recipes with you and some of the other food restriction and herbal supplements I currently have my DS on and have tried.

Medication is a sensitive and personal decision that each of us have to choose the best for our child.  I have my DS on medication and it has helped for us.

Also, I would have your ped evaluate your son (our ped did not diagnose under age 7 so we just started meds this year) and present the report to the principal and teacher in a meeting.  If his report suggests ADHD tendencies, I would immediately get a 504 on file for your son so the school has to follow it and it can eliminate some stress for you.

Good luck!


Quoting GwenMB:

I know you don't want to do meds, but have you looked at diet?  I've heard of food dyes (esp red 40) being bad for kids with ADHD & I've also heard of success with the gluten free diet for ADHD kids.

If you haven't yet, I'd start with diet & see if it helps.


 

nicoal4
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Watch war on Kids . I've been there please please watch war on Kids they go over what meds do to children ...

Allie01
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 My daughter has ADHD and SPD, we put her on a gluten and dairy free diet. She focuses so much better and has really turned things around. You could try something like that! I would definitley get him evaluated soon though. He may be able to get some extra help at school and the teacher will probably be more understanding with an official diagnoses!

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