Lieing kid, grandma is mad that we discipline rather than spoil.
This is kind of long, but I am pretty lit up today. Please offer advice.
Today I had a meeting with my son's teacher, and some administration to talk about bullying that I get stories of quite often. Come to find out during the meeting my son is making a lot of it up, and he is the one making kids cry or acting up. Lieing is NOT okay in any situation so we grounded him firmly and asked if he thought he needed to go to military school to straighten up. This was a threat, I don't think I could really do it unless I was desperate.
My mom is in town and is quick to spoil my kids, so it's hard to discipline when she turns around and gets them whatever they want. He was in trouble for lieing yesterday and she took him to the store because she was going to "get some medicine" and came home with cookies, donuts, toys, valentines stuff, etc. My husband spoke up and said that he couldn't have it because he was in trouble and she just put it away until this morning. This is only counteracting the disciplining that we are trying to do, and naturally he runs to grandma every time he gets in trouble becaus he knows she will give him whatever he wants - yet he learns nothing.
The problem is that my mom is trying to override what I say as a parent, and has even been screaming at me when ran to her throwing a fit because I told him to do his homework, not knowing that she had heated him up some food. She screamed at me with the meanest face "WHY CAN'T HE EAT??" Excuse me, I asked why he was crying and he didn't tell me, so I was chasing him down the stairs (I had been in bed all day with the flu, so this was big) My mom was also in the meeting today so she knew about everything being lies, but she still wanted to baby him. This is still not okay with me as she lied to me my whole childhood (when she was even around) and my brother is 33 years old, still living in her house for free, and has not had a job in I don't know how long. I do not want my kids to end up like that. It's almost like she didn't have a part in her own kids' lives so she is trying to make up for it with my kids.
The next issue is that when we asked if he thought he should go to military school she twisted our words into us giving our kid away, and started throwing a huge fit and started yelling at my husband who fired back at her saying that she spoils him, which only softens him. I agree with my husband 100% but didn't say anything other than "stop" because I know that my mom can't handle the truth and is known to throw the worst fits. For example, we went to Disneyland for Christmas and got split up momentarily in a crowd and because nobody had service on their phones it was somehow all of our faults that she didn't follow us and she was told where we were going. She didn't talk to us for the rest of the trip and flew home early, even though I had my dad call her to find out where she was when we stopped. (DRAMA QUEEN!)
Again tonight she packed up her stuff and went to a hotel, she's not supposed to leave for 3 more days and at this point I don't even care that she left because her screaming, and trying to control everybody else's lives has been something I've dealt with my whole life. When she was leaving she whispered to my kids that she was leaving because of us and my husband had to do damage control when I left to take her to her hotel. This is ALSO not okay! When I dropped her off she said something along the lines of "don't do this" like it was my fault. I didn't do anything but call my son out for lieing and ground him. She started the fit, she booked a hotel and packed her stuff, not me - I didn't say anything other than "you need to stop or i'll call a taxi" when she came into my room yelling at me and asked for a ride. I get hurt every time she acts like this and i'm sure the brainwashing of my kids hurts them too. My dd used to have issues with lieing as well and she got grounded enough times that she got sick of it and stopped, so apparently we know how to handle the situation just fine without somebody else jumping in
This is only skimming the surface of everything she has put all of us through. Should I cut her out of our lives? It seems to do more damage that good most times to have her in our lives. I did make sure she knew that they were MY kids, and I didn't want them to end up like my brother, homeless, jobless, on drugs, stealing, etc. but she doesn't care what I say.