I just had my 6th year old son's birthday party , we decided to invite all the boys from his class to the party ( it was a boy theme), everything went great.One kid did not come (lets call him Jack),they rsvp "No". While the party was going on all the boys started to talk in going to Jack's party on the next day. My sweetheart son came up to me and asked me if I could take him to Jack's party next day. At first I thought that there was only one kid going to his party and told my son maybe Jack is having more of a private party and is only inviting a couple of his best friends and did not take it personal until my son told me " No mama all the boys are going, Please take me there"( this is a small school). I was feeling so sad for him, my son Justin (lets name him that way), gets along very well with everyone at school( I did ask him if something bad happened between him and Jack, and he said no) has lots of friends, he has a huge heart, when I told him that we were doing an all boy party he told me " That's not really fair for the girls" ( I could not afford to invite the girls too), I mean he has a huge heart. We know Jack's family, we see each other all the time at school, I could not understand why they left him out but decided to let go. But at the same time I did not feel being friendly to the mom anymore ( I can't be fake), until she approached me to apoligized for not inviting my son, she said her son Jack totally hates my child and they never get along( BTW I always see them playing tag together everytime I go pick him up), she seemed really nervous and guilt. In my opinion Jack is a very sweet shy boy and I can not picture him saying that. Anyways now she wants to to a playdate to make up for all this, she said once Jack has a playdate with my son he will have a different opinion about Justin and at first I said yes but I just feel so akward by all this, I have the feeling she is feeling obligated in doing this, and I dont think I want to do it anymore. Just don't know how to tell her that.
What do you guys think?
Why not have them get to gether and see really how they are outside of school where rules are different. I personally would invite all or none of classmates to a party though since dd is friends with both genders. We are just going to do another family only birthday and send cupcakes in for her birthday to celebrate with her class.
I'd cut my losses..I wouldn't want to subject MY child to that kind of a person..mother or the son.
Since this is a first offense, and the mom feels guilty, and its a small school, I would go. Being able to forgive & forget is important. Plus, you may want to see what they are like outside of school.
My DS is much like yours. He wants to invite all the kids in his class to his party (luckily, there are only 14) because he likes & gets along with everyone. There are a couple boys who are closer to each other & do more with each other than they do with my DS.
We almost had an issue once when I was bringing one of those boys home & also brought another one because those two were having a playdate. My son wanted to stay & play, the one who's house we were at didn't want DS to stay. The mom & I quickly covered that & made plans for her son & my DS to have a playdate the next week. At that playdate, the two boys were deciding they were friends now. So while the other boy was a bit rude at first (really, just acting his age), we were able to work it out with a different play date where they could play one-on-one.
I see your point. But, I would do the play date and see how it goes. If things are going well then your son has another friend and if not, you can always leave early.
Quoting Barabell:I would go IF my child wanted to be friends with Jack still. Being able to forgive and forget is a wonderful lesson for a child to learn.
I would let your son go to the playdate. Unfortunally you can't make someone invite your son to their party. I would let it go and let them play until something drastic happens and then go from there.
Kids playing tag together outside could have an undercurrent you're not seeing from a distance. There could definitely be bullying or tension, and the chasing masks that. An individual playdate would be a better way to see what's going on.
I think it's very poor form to invite everyone except for one person. If you can't stand to have that kid at your party, just invite a couple of close friends. But I guess she was consistent with both not coming to your party and not inviting to hers. :-\ Sorry momma. Hopefully some one-on-one time would help you get to the truth of the situation.
My older two are in kindergarten and first grade. When they tell me that they don't want to get together with a child from school, it's because child X does or says mean things to them when the adults aren't looking; because child X had accidently hurt them while they were playing together ("I don't like X because X threw the ball and it bounced off of the wall and hit me in the face and it hurt really bad!"); a third party told them that child X said something mean about them; child X tattled on them when they did something wrong and got them in trouble; or child X got mad at them for doing something child X didn't like. They'll play with them and often get along just fine when they end up together (at school, or if our families are doing something together), but when they have a choice, they'll often not want to include this person.
Something to keep in mind: Your "sweet shy boy" is probably a little less sweet and shy around his peers when the adults aren't watching. No adult, teacher or parent, sees every little thing each child does when they are playing together. We can usually make accurate assumptions about situations when we didn't see or hear exactly what happened, based on what we know of our children's personalities and temperments, but we don't know for sure. Also, adults are good at missing what happens right before one child commits an offense against the other, and thus not fully understanding the situation.
Kids at this age are testing boundaries to see what they can get away with. They seem pick up and mimic the negative behaviors of their peers, often just to see what happens when they sneak, or lie, or say something mean to one kid that makes the rest of the group laugh.
Your son most likely didn't do anything intentional to upset the other boy, but there is a possibility that he was a little 'mean' to the other boy at school at some point. Your son may have told the teacher when the other boy did something he wasn't supposed to, or said something that the other boy misheard or misinterpreted as mean. Have you asked your son what he thinks is the reason the other boy didn't want to invite him? If you did/do and he offers a vague response ("Because he's mean/doesn't like me" or "I don't know") press him a little for specific interactions between the two. I bet you'll get some insight. Try "I know you and Jack aren't really getting along right now. What happened that you two aren't very good friends anymore? Why do you think he hasn't wanted to play with you?"
I don't think there's a problem with the other mom or her son, or that anyone has done anything wrong. It's more likely that the boys just aren't getting along, possibly because of a misunderstanding. I think that the other mom has handled the situation well so far. She tastefully kept her son home from you child's party because your child was not invited to her son's party. She approached you to apologize. She proposed a playdate with the hopes of improving the boys' relationship and preserving yours, and told you as much. I know I'd feel nervous and guilty if I had to to tell a parent I like that my kid can't stand their child, even though though I hadn't done anything to warrent the guilt.
You should "give this mom a chance" only if you can go into it looking to resolve the issue between your kids--instead of going into it with the mindset that this mom and her son need to prove they're still worthy of your and your son's friendship, because you and your child had your feeling hurt when you were left out. Otherwise, no one on either side is getting a fair chance.
Good luck, I hope things turn out well!
Thanks, I know things happen between kids when no one is around. I did ask Justin if something happened and he told me no( it's always hard getting him to open up) , and said that Jack prefers to play with somebody else all the time. I do not know.......that happened last year with Justin he said he did not like this boy because he had pushed him and did not apoligized, this year they became best friends, so who knows......
He called my 5yr old fat.
- mamadebora
on Feb. 14, 2013 at 2:37 AM