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how involved do you get in your child making friends?

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:38 AM
  • 51 Replies

This question is directed more towards the parents of younger children Kinder or 1st grade. Do you encourage your child to make friends to the extent that you host play dates and accept all invites to partys, are you friendly and fun when other kids are around to give off that cool mom vibe so the other kids will think your kid has a super cool mom? or are you the other way where you let your kid figure it out on their own and keep your distance?

I have a friend who is very anti-social (I don't even remember how we ever became friends Lol) and her thought process is that its her childs responsibility to make friends and she doesnt let her kid accept any invites to partys cause she doesnt want to socialize with the other moms she justifies this by saying why should she inconvenience herself or make herself uncomfortable when her child should be making friends in school. I understand sometimes it is hard for her because she really isnt the social type but this makes it very hard for her child to make friends when all the kids attend a party and then they come back to school talking about their shared experience and she wasnt a part of it she must feel really left out. I know their are alot of sacrifices and compromises we make when we become parents and I think this is one of them she should compromise her need to not feel uncomfortable for a couple hours once in a while to allow her child to share and interact with other children.

I try to stop myself when I feel like im sounding judgemental cause i hate judgemental people that try to dictate how other people should parent but I know her daughter and her daughter feels like an outcast since she never goes to any event outside of daily school and never has kids over to play.

by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:41 AM
1 mom liked this

We accept any invites unless there is a schedule conflict.  DD seems quite happy just to have friends at school and then occasionally play with one of the neighbors.  Last year we had a few get togethers outside of parties for certain groups of friends.

 At this age she could just drop off her child,say hi to the parents of the party and find out what time to pick her child up.   We have gone to parties in kindergarten and 1st grade that parents did that.

wakymom
by Ruby Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:23 AM
1 mom liked this

 We accept invites as well, as long as there is nothing else going on at that time. Dd is going to a b-day party this weekend, actually. Playdates aren't really an issue b/c most of the friends ds2 and dd want to play w/ live in our neighborhood, so they just go over and ask if their friend can play. We did things the same way w/ ds1 when he was younger. Now that he's older, all his friends live too far for him to ride his bike, so he does sometimes arrange (w/ permission) hang-out time w/ them.

I'm definitely more of an introvert, and sometimes still get a little nervous about having to spend time w/ parents I don't know, but it's something I do anyway b/c it's for my kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:50 AM
2 moms liked this

I always accepted the invites, but even at that age dropped them off.  I have never felt the need to become "friends" with the parents of my kids' friends.  I am friendly, but I don't want to really hang out with them, because I have my own friends.  I never got involved with my kids making friends either.  I agree it's THEIR job, but I never stood in the way either and if they want/wanted to invite kids over I agreed.  Even from kindergarten, A LOT of my kids' friends came from their outside activities, sports and dance, and now as they are older that's where those friends remain.  As with Wakymom, most of their friends are within biking distance and now they just make a call and hang out at each other's houses or the park.

aj23
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:36 AM

I dont go out of my way to have him get together with friends but I do take him to parties and other things where the kids will be.
I'm not social at all, I hate crowds and being around a lot of people so I can somewhat understand that part of it but me being uncomfortable for a couple of hours every few months is worth my son having the chance at a normal social life.

KimmyShaw
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:47 AM

Wow, I feel bad for that kid! My DD is a social butterfly, she LOVES her play dates and parties...me, not so much but I do it because I love her and know its good for her.

lasombrs
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:49 AM

I am super anti social. I hate talking to people, I always stare at the ground etc etc. My son has autism and I think he needs help making friends. I do my best to speak to other moms at pick up if I think I have anything to add to what they say. Our car broke on the way to pick up one day and one mom offered to drive us back home. The next day I allowed her and her son to come to our home for a play date. First time ever I have done such a thing. Usually no one ever comes in our home. We went to their house yesteday 2 weeks later. I am super uncomfortable but I think I can suck it up for 1.5 hours for my child's happiness. We did end up backing out of the only birthday party we were ever invited to, but my son had a fever of 104 :/ so we couldn't really go although he wanted to


cafay
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:53 AM

This is a very timely question for me and there's a lot here I can relate to. I, too, am happy being more by myself. But my shy son is an only child, and I do feel like I have a responsibility to try to get him to loosen up and talk to his kindergarten classmates.He is having a playdate-his first this weekend. His mother is coming along. We have never met and I'm more than happy to have her here if it puts her mind at ease.But I don't know if we will turn into friends and I'm not sure it matters. What matters to me is that my son finds friends and has a life beyond Mommy and Daddy.But while I hope that happens for him,I don't know that I will push. I may be a loner, my husband is very social. What makes my son happy,is up for him to discover.

SahmTam
by Tammy on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:58 AM

 I think that when they are in school or away from parents it is their responsibility to make friends or get along with others. But I think that parents fostering relationships outside of school by taking them to playdates or parties is a good thing, too. It's so different hanging out with friends outside of school than during school hours. Young kids are dependent on their parents to make that happen for them and I think it is an enriching thing for kids to have. :-)

We don't accept every single invite (often have other plans) and sometimes I decline my kids' requests to have other kids over just because, yes, I am having a lazy day. lol But overall I try to let them go to play dates/parties as much as possible and host play dates.

When other kids were here when my kids were K-1st grade age I would try to have some kind of structure. Not anymore now (my kids are 12, 9, 7). I stay out of the way for the most part... just check in and usually offer a little snack in the kitchen.

I'm very introverted- in the real sense of the word, not the anti-social stigma. I am friendly to people and can enjoy them, but I need a lot of time away from people, too. My boys are like me, but my daughter is extremely extroverted, so I know I need to respect that and give her more people time, even if it puts me out of my comfort zone a bit.

AleaKat
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM
I try to accept play dates. I try to go to all parties and socialize with moms. Not only is my son making new friends but it gives me a chance to make new friends.
First impressions are important do intro to be extra friendly.
I met a mom at a party leaflike in the year and got a very bad first impression so when the time came for her daughter party I skipped it.
She came off very uptight and rude.

Luckily enough my sons best friend at school lives down the street from us and his mom and I get along nicely plus her younger daughter is close to my LOs age.
It's hard for hubby and I to make friends here cause we are so different than all the locals here.
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KayDziedzic
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:10 AM

I have a toddler, a kindergartner, and a first grader, and this is exactly how we do it.

We're also friends with a family that has 3 kids the same ages as ours. We met when each of our oldest kids were in preK together, and the mom and I have become good friends. They're the only ones we really do any 'play dates' with.

Neither DH nor myself are very social. We each have a few close friends and usually prefer to stay home. I often get really nervous and uncomfortable in group settings, but I deal with it, and we try to let our kids participate in parties or after school events when our schedules allow. We don't try to make their friends for them, but it's nice to be able to give our kids opportunities to make their own friends in group settings-- even if their new friend is someone they'll probably never see again once the event or outing is over. Kids this age need to learn how to interact with their peers (not just their siblings and adults) in free-play settings that are less structured than a school classroom.


Quoting frndlyfn:

We accept any invites unless there is a schedule conflict.  DD seems quite happy just to have friends at school and then occasionally play with one of the neighbors.  Last year we had a few get togethers outside of parties for certain groups of friends.

 At this age she could just drop off her child,say hi to the parents of the party and find out what time to pick her child up.   We have gone to parties in kindergarten and 1st grade that parents did that.



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