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Kids birthday question

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:40 AM
  • 21 Replies

Hi,


I just joined this group and my primary reason is to ask about kids birthday parties.  I know some of the schools in my area have implemented a new rule stating that if you send birthday party invitations to school that you have to invite every child of your childs gender to the party. (i.e. my daughters birthday is next month so if I send invitations to school I'd have to invite all the girls in her class.) Our school has not yet implemented this rule but I don't think it's fair to force kids to invite others they don't like. 

On this same note my daughter has been asking if she can invite a few friends from other classes who were in her class last year and she still plays with at recess and such. It's no problem getting the invitation to the other little girls but does this open a new can of worms of hurting feelings of kids in another class too?

Finally my kids are 18 months apart, so they are only 1 year apart in school. One of my older daughters friends has a younger sister in my youngest daughters class.  In the fall we invited both sisters to my younger daughters party and everyone had a blast and it was nice that my older daughter got to have a friend there as well.  Well now she is inviting both sisters to her party again which I think is a super sweet thing to do and glad she asked to do it on her own, but I actually had another parent complain to me at my younger daughters birthday that she could have brought her other daughter as well because it's not fair that one family got to have 2 kids at the party and she didn't.  I think this was really rude of the other mom as neither of my kids, nor myself, know her other daughter and I kept the fall party at a minimal number of kids (We went to a ranch and did horseback riding so I kept it small so all the kids got a good amount of time on the ponies) but I really don't want to be approached by another parent about not inviting their entire family to my kids birthday party.  Is it unreasonable to exclude siblings if neither of your kids know any of the other siblings?

Sorry this was so long, I guess I am just not as well versed in kid party ettiquette as I thought I was. OH And in case anyone was wondering my eldest daughter is turning 7 next month and has asked to go bowling.  I have found a reasonably priced bowling alley around the corner from us.  We do not have a tonne of money and I try and look for alternatives to indoor play places for the kids birthday parties.  Until last year I always did the parties at home but my house is not that big and it is just too stressful filling it with too many kids for a party.

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think anyone is obligated to invite the entire class, however, IF you involve the school in handing out the invitations, then you should.  Just send them by email/mail or hand deliver them at church or home, but leave the school out of it.  I also don't believe siblings are an automatic invite either, just put a disclaimer on the invitation that says something along the lines of "due to the limited space, invitees only".  Good luck and have fun!

jamianne
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:53 AM

Wow, that's a bit (lot!) rude of the other mom.  It's none of her business who you chose to invite to your child's party.  I'd be thinking twice about inviting her kid to another party after that!  As long as the kids aren't making a big deal at school about who's been invited to the party, I don't see a problem with inviting the other girls from her class last year.  Though, I also don't agree with the "invite the entire class" mentality, either.

Traci_Momof2
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:35 AM
2 moms liked this

The solution to the first issue is simple - Don't pass the invites out at school.  Use email invites and email the parents of the kids you want to invite.  Or do it the old fashioned way and send invites through the mail.  My school has that same rule and I've never invited the whole class.  So I just send them out in other ways.  Around here, email seems to be the most common.  That way you know that the parent got it as well, because little kids can't necessarily be depended on to get something like that to the parent.

The rule doesn't say you have to invite the whole class. period.  It just says *IF* you want to pass them out *AT SCHOOL*, then you need to invite the whole class.  That is a very important distinction that I think a lot of parents forget.  The school can't control your party, but they can control what is being done (ie. passing stuff out) during school time.

 

As for the mom who was upset about other siblings not being invited, let it go.  She is the one in the wrong.  When one of my kids gets invited to a b-day party, I have absolutely no expectation of my other kid being invited as well.  That would be ridiculous to think that I could bring both when only one was invited.  I'm guessing that other mom was upset just because she couldn't get some free babysitting out of the deal.  You just can't please people like that and it's not worth trying.  Just let it roll off your back.

I think the bowling will be a big hit.  My kids are 6 and 8 and both have been invited to bowling parties.  The kids have a lot of fun with it.  Enjoy and don't stress about it too much.

coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:10 AM
If we want to hand out invites at school, we have the choice of inviting the whole class or just your child's gender from the class which is what I've been doing. Extra kids are invited by email or snail mail.

I haven't had an issue with other kids being hurt. The mother you encountered is just one of "those" moms...can't do anything about them or make them happy. Ignore them
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natesmom1228
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:15 AM

I have never invited the whole class to my sons parties. He hands the invites out to who he wants and that is that. We don't have that rule and I have always thought it to be rude to tell me who I can and can't invite. I have never minded when my son wasn't invited to kids parties.

I also think it was really rude for the mother to say that to you. It's completely your decision to invite who you want.  My opinion may not be the most popular here on CM, but this is the way I have always been.

shevonne0808
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:25 AM

I agree with the other moms. I normally try to speak with the parents directly via phone , email or face-to-face this way its not my child per say who is doing the inviting. I also feel its easier when there is a relationship outside of school between the kids.

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:44 AM


Quoting natesmom1228:

I have never invited the whole class to my sons parties. He hands the invites out to who he wants and that is that. We don't have that rule and I have always thought it to be rude to tell me who I can and can't invite. I have never minded when my son wasn't invited to kids parties.

I also think it was really rude for the mother to say that to you. It's completely your decision to invite who you want.  My opinion may not be the most popular here on CM, but this is the way I have always been.

This, exactly. My son has never invited all the boys in his class and has invited kids from other classes. He handed the invites out at school, but not during class time.

Chymerra
by Jolie on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:47 AM

That was really rude and tacky of the other mom. Considering that the siblings are friends of your girls, they have every right to be there. You shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone.....its your party, you do what you want.

Oh and for the record, if my DD gets invited to a party, I absolutely do not expect my DS to get an invite....even if there are mutual friends there. Like I said above, very rude and very tacky of that other mom.

signingmama2915
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:23 PM

I think its up to you, honstly. For my boys when they are old enough to tell me who they want there I invite who they want and no one else (except family). 

James 06/2007     &     Theodore 04/2011

corrinacs
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:49 PM

1. Yes, invite the entire gender of her class regardless.  No matter if that person is liked or not, you may not know what's going on and you really don't want to make matters wosre.  My school has also implemented the "invite entire class" rule as well.......believe me, it can get ugly fast.

2. You are more than welcome to step beyond the class and invite a few others that were in here class before.  No need to invite that entire class.  If you still have the parent's phone numbers or you see them outside of school, I'd recommend sending the invites then :).

3.  I always allow for siblings (unless the numbers are getting too high for the venue then I may retract that) but otherwise, siblings are more than welcome.  I think that parent could have asked you if bringing the siblings was ok....especially if they had babysitter issues or something :).  That's what I would do, granted my children are over 4 years apart.

Good luck!!!!

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