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They should do whatever I want!

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:51 PM
Max
  • 59 Replies

"My son has an IEP so the school is supposed whatever I want them to help him."

That's what I was just told by an acquaintance. Her son is full in a full time special education class. He's 10 years old and in fourth grade. I know he has serious behavior problems but I don't really know his specific diagnosis or what his IEP says. 

At his last IEP meeting the mother told the school he needed occupational therapy because his handwriting is bad. The teacher's answer to that is that his handwriting is messy, but still legible. Plus, when he wants to write neatly it's much nicer, he just don't put forth his best effort most of the time. The mother says that's BS. She wants an OT to teach him write neatly. 

The teacher also told the mother the child needs to work on his reading comprehension skills. He has a nightly assignment to read a story and write a one paragraph summary of what he's read. His mom doesn't think that's fair to him because he can't understand what he's read. So she reads him a bible passage then she writes the summary. She has him copy her summary in his own writing to turn in. The teacher said she's not giving him credit for that because he needs to do his own summary.  The mother wants his IEP changed to say he doesn't have to be required to show he understands what he's read because, "Some kids just can't understand when they read."

The mother told me she's going to the school board because, "My son has an IEP so the school is supposed to whatever I want them to help him." She then goes on to say that of course I know this to be true because I am an ESE teacher.

She's off her rocker. Schools do take parent's requests into consideration. But parents don't get to write IEPs or command the school to provide services. The whole idea of saying a child isn't required to learn a VITAL skills just because it's hard... I can't even imagine any educator going along with that. 

This was one of those things. She's someone I don't know that well personally. But I do have to see her regularly. So I just kind of did the whole neutral, "Wow, really?" or "Uh-uh" reply as she was talking. It was so uncomfortable because I know she thinks I agree. If I'd spoken up I think she might have freaked out. She was so sure she was right. 

So two things:

Have you even been in that position where you don't want to tell someone she's wrong even though you totally disagree?

Do you think schools should be expected to write IEPs based off what the parents want?

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:55 PM

Yes all the time.   Wow that person very uneducated in the best way to help her own child.   My dd has an IEP which she does get help with writing due to muscle tone and her fingers do not want ot cooperate in the "proper"position of holding a pencil.   She is above grade level for reading and struggles with comprehension.  We have her write what she thinks the story was about.  She is in first grade to sentences are basic.  Today I read "title".  I learned  or my favorite character is ............

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I can top that! We had a mother two years ago that "demanded" that her high school son be "praised" in every class at least once a day. She actually wanted that written in his IEP. NONE of us could even look at each other, because we knew that we would burst out laughing. Um, no. Your son will get accommodations for his reading, but verbal praise just because he's breathing isn't going to happen. I'm not one to hold back, so I will flat out say what I think and no I don't think parents should be able to write IEP's the way they want. It should be in the best interest of the learning process for the student.
maxswolfsuit
by Max on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:18 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting mjande4:

I can top that! We had a mother two years ago that "demanded" that her high school son be "praised" in every class at least once a day. She actually wanted that written in his IEP. NONE of us could even look at each other, because we knew that we would burst out laughing. Um, no. Your son will get accommodations for his reading, but verbal praise just because he's breathing isn't going to happen. I'm not one to hold back, so I will flat out say what I think and no I don't think parents should be able to write IEP's the way they want. It should be in the best interest of the learning process for the student.

Especially considering the reseach is pretty clear that non specific praise totally undermines learning. 


What are you going to say, "Timmy, I am very proud you blinked when your eyeball looked dry. Way to go!"

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:23 PM


Quoting frndlyfn:

Yes all the time.   Wow that person very uneducated in the best way to help her own child.   My dd has an IEP which she does get help with writing due to muscle tone and her fingers do not want ot cooperate in the "proper"position of holding a pencil.   She is above grade level for reading and struggles with comprehension.  We have her write what she thinks the story was about.  She is in first grade to sentences are basic.  Today I read "title".  I learned  or my favorite character is ............

Kids need to spend the most time working on what they struggle with. That's great that you have her practice at home. A learning disability doesn't prevent kids from learning skills. It might be harder and take more time. But I don't see how a parent can just declare that a ten year will never be able to do something like that. 

calsmom62
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:27 PM
Sense of entitlement??? The school is there to do her bidding? Poor kid.


Quoting maxswolfsuit:


Quoting frndlyfn:

Yes all the time.   Wow that person very uneducated in the best way to help her own child.   My dd has an IEP which she does get help with writing due to muscle tone and her fingers do not want ot cooperate in the "proper"position of holding a pencil.   She is above grade level for reading and struggles with comprehension.  We have her write what she thinks the story was about.  She is in first grade to sentences are basic.  Today I read "title".  I learned  or my favorite character is ............

Kids need to spend the most time working on what they struggle with. That's great that you have her practice at home. A learning disability doesn't prevent kids from learning skills. It might be harder and take more time. But I don't see how a parent can just declare that a ten year will never be able to do something like that. 


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gonecrazi
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:54 PM

 my son's IEP was written by his teachers and we okayed it. I have a friend that I "agree" with sometimes.

GwenMB
by Gwen on Feb. 23, 2013 at 5:13 PM
1 mom liked this

It often happens w political discussions that I just "uh hum" or say nothing when I couldn't disagree more because I don't want to debate or argue. Other times I'm so surprised that someone would say such a thing that I don't think of a response until later.

What exactly is the point of reading if you never understand what you're reading?

wakymom
by Ruby Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 5:16 PM

 

Have you even been in that position where you don't want to tell someone she's wrong even though you totally disagree? Sadly, yes, I have been in that position. I tend to make similar noncomment responses.

Do you think schools should be expected to write IEPs based off what the parents want? Heck, no. Parental input is essential, but they are not in a position to dictate exactly what the school will and/or will not do. Not everything they want for their precious snowflake is possible in a school setting, or necessarily in their child's best interest in the long-run. They should ask questions and suggest things that they have found to work, but they need to trust the trained professionals to do their job and do what is best for the child.

 

 

 

 

 

frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 5:25 PM



Quoting maxswolfsuit:


Quoting frndlyfn:

Yes all the time.   Wow that person very uneducated in the best way to help her own child.   My dd has an IEP which she does get help with writing due to muscle tone and her fingers do not want ot cooperate in the "proper"position of holding a pencil.   She is above grade level for reading and struggles with comprehension.  We have her write what she thinks the story was about.  She is in first grade to sentences are basic.  Today I read "title".  I learned  or my favorite character is ............

Kids need to spend the most time working on what they struggle with. That's great that you have her practice at home. A learning disability doesn't prevent kids from learning skills. It might be harder and take more time. But I don't see how a parent can just declare that a ten year will never be able to do something like that. 


Yeah that does nothing for their self worth / self confidence.  I was glad to actually speak with the OT and PT at parent conference so we could get up to date on what they are working on and how to help it at home.  I am big on cooperating and trying to keep the same standards for school work.

MsLogansMommy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 5:28 PM

Have you even been in that position where you don't want to tell someone she's wrong even though you totally disagree? Of course we have all been in this position at one time or another my response would be: Are you just venting or are you asking for my honest opinion? Then I would give it if she says that is what she wants and then if it looks like the conversation is going to be a debate I would just say lets agree to disagree.

Do you think schools should be expected to write IEPs based off what the parents want? Of course the answer to this is no because parents do not have the training to know what it  is that a student needs to assist in learning with their particular condition. However I also do not think the school should write the IEP I believe it should be a joint effort each side has something to contribute.

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