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What would you do?? (kind of long) but need opinions

Posted by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 7:53 AM
  • 60 Replies
This is alittle long but please read, need help I feel like a failure as a parent that he isn't caught up.


My oldest son is in 1st grade he is young for his grade because he just made the cut off for kindergarden (we put him through k because he wasn't benefiting from the daycare he was at, he attended preschool before that and it was either putting him to k or put in daycare that did nothing) anyways......

We just had parent teacher conferences on Thursday, he has been struggling with reading which we have know and working with him. He has been in a title 1 program since K for reading which he gets one on one time with other teachers for reading.

We were told that he's reading at a level 4 and
he should be closer to a 10 by the end of the year (which is June) and if he isn't caught up then holding him back might be a good option.

Here is what me and my DH are disagreeing on and what we think about it all:

Me: Im fine with it for the fact it would be easier now then when he is older. I don't want him to struggle through school.
But am afraid he will be upset to get held back and his friends move on (he has been with these group of friends almost his whole life-they all go to daycare together) he's very sensitive boy.

DH: thinks holding him back is horrible, he needs to move on with his friends because that will make a bigger impact on him and he will be very insecure about that. my DH struggled with reading his whole life (through HS and everything)

Teacher: she thinks it would benefit because of his age he is younger and that next year doing it over he knows everything and it will be easier and it will build his confidence up and be ready for 2nd grade.

So I don't know what to do, I'm just asking you guys what would you do and why.
Has anyone ever been through something like this? The whole school thing is still new to us so we are learning.

Sorry this is so long but thanks for reading!
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by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 7:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:01 AM
6 moms liked this

I know that this is a tough call, but I am going to be blunt.  Most students who struggle in kindergarten are in for an academic career of difficulties.  You said that your son was young for the grade.  More and more parents are waiting until their child, ESPECIALLY BOYS, are six or are close to six before enrolling them in kindergarten.  Kindergarten is pretty much completely academic now and if your son has struggled in the lowest grade, he is not going to magically catch up or be ahead in the next.  Your son's self-esteem is not going to be shot by friends moving on, it's going to be shot by consistently not succeeding.  This is the PERFECT time to hold him back and restart.  You simply explain to him that he needs more time and that the kids he will go to school with next year are HIS age.  If you have a choice, maybe have him go to a different elementary, but I support the teacher and really believe that your son will have an opportunity to be at the top or near the top of the class instead of struggling for the next 12 years.  As for the reading issue, reading is KEY to EVERY other discipline.  If a child or an adult struggles with reading, then it negatively effects every other subject.  I know this is a difficult decision, but you will find plenty of parents who have done the same thing.  I work with high school students that struggle in the classroom and I can tell you that a large percentage of them are young for their grade and one of the common comments from their mothers is "I wish that I would have held him back in elementary."  It catches up with them eventually. Good luck!! 

MiddleAgeMess
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Both of my parents are educators and they held both if my brothers back until they were 6.
Actuly, held one back and the other went to kindergatden 2x.
They are both EXTREMELY successful. The one held back is an aechitect.
I firmly believe in the confidence theory. Knowing "more" than the other kids sets him up thinking he's the smart kid in the class.
In kindergarden all the kids are new, so its easier to adjust than being held back in 4th grade, say, and the kids knowing each other from k-3 already.
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MiddleAgeMess
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:07 AM
*Sorry for the typos. Just off work and on my phone w/o spellcheck or aytocorrect.
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Lindsey1112
by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:08 AM
Thanks. Yes it wasn't something I wanted to do was put him in K early but he was at a
Preschool that was so structured and to put him in daycare for another year with no structure and mainly free play wasnt going to benefit him at all, my goal was to do 2 years of K (since theres no pre k here or young 5s) but he did so well and loved it his teacher said he would be fine in 1st.

Thanks for being honest, I'm fine with letting him do another year I think it would help him and I trust his teacher 100% this year and believe it will help but also it's just not my decision my DH has to agree and he isn't on board.


Quoting mjande4:

I know that this is a tough call, but I am going to be blunt.  Most students who struggle in kindergarten are in for an academic career of difficulties.  You said that your son was young for the grade.  More and more parents are waiting until their child, ESPECIALLY BOYS, are six or are close to six before enrolling them in kindergarten.  Kindergarten is pretty much completely academic now and if your son has struggled in the lowest grade, he is not going to magically catch up or be ahead in the next.  Your son's self-esteem is not going to be shot by friends moving on, it's going to be shot by consistently not succeeding.  This is the PERFECT time to hold him back and restart.  You simply explain to him that he needs more time and that the kids he will go to school with next year are HIS age.  If you have a choice, maybe have him go to a different elementary, but I support the teacher and really believe that your son will have an opportunity to be at the top or near the top of the class instead of struggling for the next 12 years.  As for the reading issue, reading is KEY to EVERY other discipline.  If a child or an adult struggles with reading, then it negatively effects every other subject.  I know this is a difficult decision, but you will find plenty of parents who have done the same thing.  I work with high school students that struggle in the classroom and I can tell you that a large percentage of them are young for their grade and one of the common comments from their mothers is "I wish that I would have held him back in elementary."  It catches up with them eventually. Good luck!! 


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mjande4
by Platinum Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Have your husband read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. It really goes through the long term effects of boys that are older in school.

Quoting Lindsey1112:

Thanks. Yes it wasn't something I wanted to do was put him in K early but he was at a
Preschool that was so structured and to put him in daycare for another year with no structure and mainly free play wasnt going to benefit him at all, my goal was to do 2 years of K (since theres no pre k here or young 5s) but he did so well and loved it his teacher said he would be fine in 1st.

Thanks for being honest, I'm fine with letting him do another year I think it would help him and I trust his teacher 100% this year and believe it will help but also it's just not my decision my DH has to agree and he isn't on board.


Quoting mjande4:

I know that this is a tough call, but I am going to be blunt.  Most students who struggle in kindergarten are in for an academic career of difficulties.  You said that your son was young for the grade.  More and more parents are waiting until their child, ESPECIALLY BOYS, are six or are close to six before enrolling them in kindergarten.  Kindergarten is pretty much completely academic now and if your son has struggled in the lowest grade, he is not going to magically catch up or be ahead in the next.  Your son's self-esteem is not going to be shot by friends moving on, it's going to be shot by consistently not succeeding.  This is the PERFECT time to hold him back and restart.  You simply explain to him that he needs more time and that the kids he will go to school with next year are HIS age.  If you have a choice, maybe have him go to a different elementary, but I support the teacher and really believe that your son will have an opportunity to be at the top or near the top of the class instead of struggling for the next 12 years.  As for the reading issue, reading is KEY to EVERY other discipline.  If a child or an adult struggles with reading, then it negatively effects every other subject.  I know this is a difficult decision, but you will find plenty of parents who have done the same thing.  I work with high school students that struggle in the classroom and I can tell you that a large percentage of them are young for their grade and one of the common comments from their mothers is "I wish that I would have held him back in elementary."  It catches up with them eventually. Good luck!! 




Lindsey1112
by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:12 AM
Thank you. Yes I believe it will help by doing 2 years.
He is a very sensitive boy and to get him going or motivated is to boost his confidence up and I believe his teacher when she said next year knowing it all will help that.
But hard because he just loves his friends and I don't want him to get picked on for being held back.


Quoting MiddleAgeMess:

Both of my parents are educators and they held both if my brothers back until they were 6.

Actuly, held one back and the other went to kindergatden 2x.

They are both EXTREMELY successful. The one held back is an aechitect.

I firmly believe in the confidence theory. Knowing "more" than the other kids sets him up thinking he's the smart kid in the class.

In kindergarden all the kids are new, so its easier to adjust than being held back in 4th grade, say, and the kids knowing each other from k-3 already.

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Lindsey1112
by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:13 AM
Thanks


Quoting mjande4:

Have your husband read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. It really goes through the long term effects of boys that are older in school.


Quoting Lindsey1112:

Thanks. Yes it wasn't something I wanted to do was put him in K early but he was at a

Preschool that was so structured and to put him in daycare for another year with no structure and mainly free play wasnt going to benefit him at all, my goal was to do 2 years of K (since theres no pre k here or young 5s) but he did so well and loved it his teacher said he would be fine in 1st.



Thanks for being honest, I'm fine with letting him do another year I think it would help him and I trust his teacher 100% this year and believe it will help but also it's just not my decision my DH has to agree and he isn't on board.





Quoting mjande4:

I know that this is a tough call, but I am going to be blunt.  Most students who struggle in kindergarten are in for an academic career of difficulties.  You said that your son was young for the grade.  More and more parents are waiting until their child, ESPECIALLY BOYS, are six or are close to six before enrolling them in kindergarten.  Kindergarten is pretty much completely academic now and if your son has struggled in the lowest grade, he is not going to magically catch up or be ahead in the next.  Your son's self-esteem is not going to be shot by friends moving on, it's going to be shot by consistently not succeeding.  This is the PERFECT time to hold him back and restart.  You simply explain to him that he needs more time and that the kids he will go to school with next year are HIS age.  If you have a choice, maybe have him go to a different elementary, but I support the teacher and really believe that your son will have an opportunity to be at the top or near the top of the class instead of struggling for the next 12 years.  As for the reading issue, reading is KEY to EVERY other discipline.  If a child or an adult struggles with reading, then it negatively effects every other subject.  I know this is a difficult decision, but you will find plenty of parents who have done the same thing.  I work with high school students that struggle in the classroom and I can tell you that a large percentage of them are young for their grade and one of the common comments from their mothers is "I wish that I would have held him back in elementary."  It catches up with them eventually. Good luck!! 







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indymom72
by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:13 AM
1 mom liked this

I would hold him back another year.  Better now than in the 4th grade when it would be even harder.

Lindsey1112
by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 10:50 AM
Thank you


Quoting indymom72:

I would hold him back another year.  Better now than in the 4th grade when it would be even harder.


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Barabell
by Barbara on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:38 AM

How is he doing in other subjects? How does his maturity compare to his peers?

My son's birthday is right after the cut-off, and so he is one of the older kids in his grade. At the same time, he was not reading well until the end of 1st grade, but he was doing well in every other subject. I'm a firm believer that our brain needs to develop some cognitive functions needed for reading, and our society is pushing reading too early on kids. Once the light-bulb went off and my son made the connection of reading, he was on-level with his peers. He is now in 7th grade, and he is taking all advanced classes. Also his state tests come back in the high-normal to low-exceptional range most years for reading and math. I think if it's just one subject that it is possible for him to catch up, but if he is struggling in any other area too, then maybe being held back would benefit him.

So my point is that if reading is your son's ONLY reason for being held back, I'm not sure it could be in his best interest. On the flip side, I do completely agree with Mjande4 that boys mature slower and being held back some can really benefit kids. Again, my son has a Sept birthday and is an older kid in his grade and in his sports. So I do see the benefit in that. If I had a son with a summer birthday, I would definitely consider holding him back since (in general) boys tend to mature slower.

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