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Is this wrong to ask of a 5 year old?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:03 PM
  • 29 Replies

DS is in kindergarten and he is the youngest child in his class having turned 5 a week after school started. Well his age I believe makes him very impressionable and a follower. He's had his days (way too many) of not listening and getting into trouble, I could never understand why he was behaving this way because he's a great kid usually. I then put together what the problem might be. There is another kid, we'll call him J, who is always in trouble, very disrespectful to the teacher, and just an all around trouble maker, lets just say I've met his parents and now know why he is the way he is. Well, I found out DS spends a lot of time having out with this kid, same class, a few months older. Apparent;y they are good friends. Well, on days this kid is out, DS does just fine. He listens, he does what he's suppose to. The teacher couldn't come out and say that this is a pattern, but that's pretty much what was "not" said lol. She also then told me she'll make it a point to keep him separated from those who influence him in a negative way. However, obviously she can't be right there constantly, she has 29 other kids to deal with.

Friday night, after one of his "bad days", I asked DS "who did you play with today", he tells me J. Thursday he had a great day, I asked him the same thing and he said B (a kid in his class who does really well.

So I am wondering is it a lot to ask a 5 year old to stay away from a kid and play with another because his friend doesn't make good choices and is in trouble too much? 

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AmberRose1122
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:05 PM
I wouldn't say it like that, but maybe just continually encourage different friendships. And hope this kid isn't in his class next year.
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LoveMyLos
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:06 PM
No. I dont think so. I have family i keep my kids away from. The other kids behavior is influencing how well or bad your ds is doing in school. I would speak to principal as well, and just find out steps if it gets worse.
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907PickleMom
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:08 PM
Maybe talk about J's choices and how they affect class behavior, and what kinds of choices DS thinks are appropriate for class.. The "just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean you have to" sort of talk. Ask how he wants to act in class, if acting out gets him attention, etc...
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MichelleSw
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:08 PM
You can't blame another child for your child's actions.
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Dee0886
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:08 PM

I was thinking about talking to B's mom about him and DS hanging out on the weekends.

Quoting AmberRose1122:

I wouldn't say it like that, but maybe just continually encourage different friendships. And hope this kid isn't in his class next year.


coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't say stay away from J but I would encourage other friendships. Maybe have playdates with the "good" kids to forge stronger friendships. I would also remind DS about making good choices and behaving appropriately regardless of what his classmates do or how they act.
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AmberRose1122
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:10 PM
That's a really great way to help foster a friendship. Good idea!


Quoting Dee0886:

I was thinking about talking to B's mom about him and DS hanging out on the weekends.

Quoting AmberRose1122:

I wouldn't say it like that, but maybe just continually encourage different friendships. And hope this kid isn't in his class next year.



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a06z08mama
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:11 PM
5 is a tough age. My ds will be 5 in 3 weeks. They follow. They are trying to learn who they are. What they like. Its hard for me because their dad's gf has 10 yr old son who ds looks up to. So of course he likes to copy what her son does. It takes a couple days to unwind from dads weekend.

Set ground rules. So the days he does act out. The rules will already be there. Also I would make a suggestion for next school year that they separate the boys.
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Idntreallycare
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:12 PM

You could tell him to play with somebody else, but don't expect it to stay that way. My son (1st grade) had to stay separate from nother student who attempted to choke him on more than one occasion. The teacher knew of one and broke it up, changed seats around and such. 

My son is impressionable, wants everybody to be his friend, so he will tell me that he still wants to be friends with this kid and allow him to hurt him.

Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:13 PM
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Rather than telling your son to stay away from the child.   Make your son aware of how to make good choices and that he needs to make those choices regardless of his companions.  

Your problem isn't this other child, it is your son's inablitiy to make his own choices.  Understand that you can discourage him from the friendship, but who is to say that the next kid he picks isn't a worse influence.  You won't solve the underlying problem with your current choice of action.

If you work on helping your child to recognize his good and bad choices and the results, he will most likely start making better choices and will probably naturally drift away from this boy to easier companions who don't challenge him all the time and don't make him feel like he has to do bad to remain friends.

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