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My 5 Year old is getting shunned by her classmates

Posted by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:14 PM
  • 11 Replies

    My daughter is not a perfect child. Many of you can see only the good in your children. I see the positive and negative in my CJ. Here is the thing. My daughter is one of sweetest and friendliest girls I have ever known. She says hello to everyone. She smiles, giggles and full of heart. She has some developmental delays with her speech and language. She is working hard to overcome these challenges and she has a very positive attitude.  Today I again faced the terrible realtiy that my child is the target of shunning. CJ walked up to a girl in her clas class and greated her with a happy hello and the girl replied "Get away from me, I am not your friend."  This is not the first time my child has been treated like this at this school. There have been other girls who refused to talk to her and refused to even let her look at their picture. I am very concerned because today my lil gal began to cry and told me "Mommy I have no friends :("  Can you imagine how that feels for her? I told my daughter "Hunny then she is not worthy of being your friend anyway if she treats people this way." Luckly one of the other girls in line overheard and told CJ " I am your friend". This saved a huge deluge of tears because she turned and smiled at began to feel less sad. I have no idea what to do. I have talked to one of the children telling her that she was being mean for no reason and that is hurtful. However, I do not think I am doing enough. Frankly, I was tormented as a child. It forced me to want to kill myself several times and I ended up dropping out of high school. Luckly I had a wonderful prinicpal that encouraged me to complete my education.  Some of you may not be aware that shunning is a form of bullying. It is hurtful and it causes a child's morale to suffer to the extremes of severe depression and low self confidence. I think I probably will have a conversation with the school psychologist. It is too early in her life to be told without words she is "worthless". I doubt talking to the mothers will help as they would probably get quickly defensive and put the blame back on my child. In essence, I wasted my time and I most likely will be in a adversarial relationship with the mothers.  I just want her to go to school, have a good day, play with some friends, and then come home happy. Is that too much to ask for? 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:14 PM
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by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:39 PM

:( I am sorry that your child is going through this. I would talk to the teacher, the school counselor/Pschycologist and Principal if nothing is done. They can't force other kids to like her but they can talk to kids and explain that they will not tolerate anyone being cruel to ANY student for any reason. 

by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 1:24 PM
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I don't think the answer is talking to the children.  I think you need to talk to the teacher, the school counselor / phsychologist, and the principal.  They should be talking to the kids about appropriate behavior at school - not a random parent. 

You cannot force other children to like your child.  I'm sorry.  The children should be taught to be respectful to each child, but liking is a whole different topic.  I hope that your child makes some good friends that she can hang out with, but you do need to teach her that it's okay to not have everyone be her friend as well. 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:02 PM

 With delays, she's different.  Unfortunately kids often will target or shy away from anyone who is different.  Sounds like has at least one good friend.  Foster that relationship.  Have playdates, sleepovers maybe, anything to encourage that relationship.  And talk to your daughter about how sometimes people are going to be mean and how if they dont want to be her friend, that is their loss.  It's a hard hard lesson to learn and I'm sorry she has to learn it this young.

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:25 PM

Oh wow!  5 years old!  I'd definitely bring this up to the teacher of her class to see what she has to say and what she's seen!  Def. making it known that this is going on will be helpful to her and your daughter!

Good luck adn I hope you can overcome this!  Its so sad to see people so mean :(

by Laura on Mar. 25, 2013 at 3:09 PM

I am so sorry! :( my neighbors ds has speech delays. I feel awful when I have to ask him to repeat anything. His is pretty severe. We have lots of kids in our neighborhood. Not one has ever made fun of him or said anything about his speech or treated him any different than any other kid. I'm proud of them. :) the boy is big for his age. His mom held him out of k this year. 

I was bullied horribly as a child. So, I'm pretty sensitive to any teasing, meanness, etc.

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:08 PM

Kindergarten is a soap opera in itself.   I would not approach the children w/o their parents permission.  DD's kinder teacher was good at fostering teamwork and a family like setting where everyone helped if someone in teh class needed support.    There were a few weeks where the girls went back and forth whether they were friends or not.  In their 5 yr old minds, if someone did not want to play with them at recess they were no longer friends.   The teacher needed to explain that you could play with whomever you want and still keep the friends you have within the class.   

For your dd I would keep talking about how you shake off the ones who do not want to be friends and talk to those who will be her friend.   I dont understand why the one girl did not like her saying hi even if they were not friends.  It is a social learning curve for kindergarten and alot of children are very blunt in what they feel/say.

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:34 PM
Thats so sad :( kids can be so.mean sometimes and some parents dont take the time to train their kids to be inclusive, kind and welcoming.
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by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:43 PM
I had the same issue with my son and now he is in the 3rd grade. Id be lying if i said i havent cried many tears over it. I just try to keep talking to him and telling him that its ok to not be friends with everyone and to try to become friends with the other quiet kids that arent mean. For us it got worst before it got better and although we still have bad days i try to keep him positive and i always listen to him and give the best advice i can. Something that did help was me volunteering at the school. The little brats became nice after a while.
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by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:49 PM
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 While I am sorry your dd is going though that, it is pretty common for girls that age. There is all kinds of changes in their friendships on a day to day basis. They are learning and testing the bounds of friendship. I would bet if you went to most kindergarten classes you would find that happening. You should have simply said that wasn't very nice and moved on. I think perhaps you are putting your baggage from childhood onto your dd. Perhaps you could find some extra curricular activities for your dd to join with other classmates. Joining scouts helped my son immensely when he was going through something similar in 1st grade.

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:01 AM
I am the type of parent that doesn't sugar code things. My daughter is 6 n she comes home so n so said their not my friend. I have told her not every one is going to be ur friend but u still have to be nice to everyone. I think it's that age. My daughters teacher said she had a lot of friends. Girls are more of divas. Lol. I am tryin to get her to understand how to be a leader not a follower. She stays busy playing sports.
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