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I need discipline advise. kinda long. Sorry

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:57 PM
  • 3 Replies

I'm not sure where to post this but I need help. 

Today with DD (6ys old) was horrible. She is in kindergarten, usually a very good student, good girl at home but has a bit of an attitude. She has been grounded this week for getting bad marks at school for two days in a row and then refusing to do her chores last week. That's where the attitude comes in. This week we started a chore chart to help keep track of her jobs. She was doing much better Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week but today she lost her mind when it came to completing the very last chore on her list. 
It was a normal afternoon, we read books, did homework, were having fun.. and then I sent her upstairs to pick up her room. I told her she had 20 minutes while I folded laudry and I kept giving her time updates through out (15 min, 10 min). When I went up to check her room she hadn't done a thing I asked her to. I told her that her punishment (since this is a recourring problem) would be that she lost TV for the afternoon and was in time out until dinner (30 or so minutes) She could write in her journal about how she felt. I then went downstairs to make dinner. 
At that point, all hell broke loose. She started yelling and screaming. I went upstairs to calm her down and she started hitting, kicking and scratching at me. She challenged everything I said, initiated physical violence and ended up trying to run away. She has never acted like that to me before. It's like she wanted to see how far she could take it and then just blew up. Things got really bad, really fast. 
I don't believe in getting physical with my kids as discipline, but DH does. He was sleeping and was woken up by the sound of us fighting. He was really angry and took all the toys out of her room. He also told her that if she wanted to run away she was welcome to. He then dragged her downstairs and put her out the front door. 
She was devistated that he did that but it stopped her tantrum. 

I don't know what to do.  I've tried to talk to her, reason with her, explain behavior to her but it seems like if DH isn't around then she acts like she doesn't have to listen to me. It's the room issue that we have trouble with most. Everything else she is a great helper. She just won't do what I ask when it involves me not standing over her and watching her do it. For Dh, she does what he says in a heartbeat but he spanks her and yells. He scares me sometimes so I know that he is scaring her. I'm not like that. 

Sorry it's so long ladies, I just don't know what to do. She's my baby girl but she's starting to act like I did when I was a teenager. This is to much, to fast. How do I stop it? 

by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:57 PM
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by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:23 AM

You and husband need to have a sit down and set down firm consequences that both will enforce so there is no renegade punishments that the other does not agree to.   She can feel that you are not on the same page let alone the same book.  Seeing as this is the first week of a new chart, you need to give time for her to adjust.   If she gets physical with you, you step away from her.  Walk back down the hallway so she understands that the fit will not be tolerated.

by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 3:00 AM
1 mom liked this

Do you know what a basketball hold is?  When DSS gets physical with me I put him in a a basketball hold so that he can't hurt either of us and I don't let go until he's calmed down.

When I was a child I threatened to run away about that age... my mother actually helped me pack my suitcase and walked me to the door... I actually made it about half a block before I came running back home. Your DH handled the running away thing the same way I would've... Neither my DH nor myself coddle to any type of misbehavior. 

I agree with the PP and you and your DH need to sit down and have unified, and consistent punishments that actually work.  Obviously the grounding, and taking away TV privaleges aren't enough, sometimes it helps to get creative... If DSS comes home with a Red mark on his behavior chart from school he has to move 5 coffee cans of rocks from one side of the yard to the other (he fills the can carries it to the other side of the yard and empties it, we set a can limit instead of a time limit so he can be done as quickly or as slowly as he wishes) he hasn't had a red day at school since we started doing that.

by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 3:29 AM

Did anything happen to her? Bullying perhaps? Most kids don't just randomly fly off the handle like that.

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