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Girl w/ special needs is picking on DS..:/*updated

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:26 PM
  • 17 Replies
My 8 yr old ds is the new kid in school since Jan. He told me about a girl in his lunch he likes & she's in a special needs class. He asked me what that meant & I just told him its a class for kids that need special attention, so he doesn't see her as being different from him in any way.
The other day I asked him if he's still friends w/ her cuz he hadn't talked about her in a while. He said he doesn't want to be friends w/her anymore because she gets out of her seat@ lunch to poke him in the back & it makes him jump & everyone laughs@ him & it embarrasses him to the point of making him cry:( whenever ds stood up while eating lunch 2 wks ago, he was sent to the principal's office to eat lunch for 3 days..(he was warned 3xs before punishment) He is confused why he got in trouble for being out of his seat, but the girl doesn't even get warned.
This has now been an on going thing w/ her touching him to startle him, so this is what I said to do:

1. Tell the girl sternly that you don't like to be scared & to stop.
2. Tell the lunch aide that the girl won't leave you alone.
3. I'll go into the school to talk to someone about her.

We are now on #3 & I feel bad that I'm going into the school to complain about a girl w/special needs, but I don't want ds to be picked on & be miserable@ lunch.
I don't even know who to talk to about this..I'm going to start out@ the secretary & see where she directs me. Am I going about this the right way? Am I wrong to think that she should be disciplined the same way my son was? Thx for the opinions.


*updated
Thx for all the comments. I did have a talk w/ ds's teacher & she named the girl before I even said who she was. Apparently she has an aide, but I don't understand how all this could be happening when there is an aide watching them? Oh well, the girl hasn't teased my son since & he's been having good days:) my son's teacher also had a talk w/ him to let him know that he can always come to her when someone is picking on him. I think that made him feel good because he hasn't really gotten close to her w/him being the "new kid"
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by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
thickmamaof2
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:30 PM
You're doing every thing right! Good luck Mama. My son gets teased in pre k! Because of his long hair. We keep asking him does he want a hair cut and he always says no. So I talk to the principal and she talks to the teacher and the teacher says my son is lying! Makes me so mad
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Lydlou02
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:32 PM
3 moms liked this
As a mother of a special needs child, it's my opinion that if the child is not capable of behaving properly in lunch she should have an aide. If she IS capable she NEEDS to be held responsible for her actions. Spoiling a kid because they have challenges doesn't help anyone, especially not that child.
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TexanMomOf6
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:41 PM

I didn't hear about it till the next year......My DD was in middle school when a child that was in a wheelchair started tormenting her along with many others.  He was an all-around bully and the kids felt helpless. Among other things, he would run into people on purpose with his wheelchair! This boy kept it up most of the year. No-one would do anything. The kids took the battery off the wheelchair and hid it. I don't really think it was cool, but it wasn't cool the kid could be a bully unpunished.

You are within your rights to expect that all students should be taught boundaries. Good Luck.

BrittsJade
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 12:55 AM
Quoting thickmamaof2:

You're doing every thing right! Good luck Mama. My son gets teased in pre k! Because of his long hair. We keep asking him does he want a hair cut and he always says no. So I talk to the principal and she talks to the teacher and the teacher says my son is lying! Makes me so mad


Wow, that's not fair for the teacher to say he's lying! I'm sure the teacher doesn't know everything going on between her/his students. My son gets picked on for his hair too. This is an insult to him "you have curly hair because your mom probably has curly hair" lol for some reason it made DS mad..& anyways he got his curly hair from his father!:)
BrittsJade
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:07 AM
Quoting Lydlou02:

As a mother of a special needs child, it's my opinion that if the child is not capable of behaving properly in lunch she should have an aide. If she IS capable she NEEDS to be held responsible for her actions. Spoiling a kid because they have challenges doesn't help anyone, especially not that child.



That makes sense, it should be that way. When I go into the school, should I let on that I know that the girl is in a special class? I feel like if I bring it up, they might think DS started the trouble. I trust he hasn't treated her differently because of the conversation him & I had before.
janitablue
by Janita on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:10 AM

I am sorry to heard about your son you are doing the right thing by going to the school offical. I hope everything works out in the end.


BrittsJade
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:17 AM
Quoting TexanMomOf6:

I didn't hear about it till the next year......My DD was in middle school when a child that was in a wheelchair started tormenting her along with many others.  He was an all-around bully and the kids felt helpless. Among other things, he would run into people on purpose with his wheelchair! This boy kept it up most of the year. No-one would do anything. The kids took the battery off the wheelchair and hid it. I don't really think it was cool, but it wasn't cool the kid could be a bully unpunished.


You are within your rights to expect that all students should be taught boundaries. Good Luck.




Oh boy. That's a shame the school didn't do anything. I'm worried that me going into the school will be pointless too. When my son told the lunch aide, he said that the woman didn't say anything to him after he told her. I do have a feeling that DS is leaving out some of the story, because I don't think the aide would just ignore him.
BrittsJade
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:24 AM
Quoting janitablue:

I am sorry to heard about your son you are doing the right thing by going to the school offical. I hope everything works out in the end.




Thank you. I hope there is something they can do, it's heartbreaking to know he was embarrassed & crying in front of his classmates. I'm sure every mother feels that way though.
janitablue
by Janita on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:28 AM

I know ..........  I think the girl with special needs is not aware of what she is doing and she needs to be correct by adult.


Quoting BrittsJade:

Quoting janitablue:

I am sorry to heard about your son you are doing the right thing by going to the school offical. I hope everything works out in the end.




Thank you. I hope there is something they can do, it's heartbreaking to know he was embarrassed & crying in front of his classmates. I'm sure every mother feels that way though.



maxswolfsuit
by Max on Apr. 2, 2013 at 6:15 AM

It sounds like you're doing everything you can. Good for you for expecting your son to handle it before going right to the school. Those are important skills for him to learn. 

I do think you should go into more of an explanation of what special needs means. The situation might be less upsetting if has a better understanding of why she's behaving the way she is. I would tell him that every one's brains work a little differently. This girl has a hard time with things that are easy for most kids. Explain that she might not understand how mean it is and she might not know better ways of trying to play with him.

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