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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Im now at a loss

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:12 PM
  • 36 Replies

It has always been a fight to get dd to do her classwork. Kindergarden I noticed she was always at Nana's table. It was a separate table that the kids that needed extra help went to and there was a retiree to help them. DD was the only one who was there almost everyday. I took her to the dr to rule out adhd or something else. I was told that most kids that were brought in at dd age 6yrs was found to have nothing wrong with the child but with the parenting in the house. This was said after 2 visits. 

First grade: The teacher was adhd happy and all the fidgety kids were adhd and needed meds. She told me and several parents that she believed our kids were adhd and we should seek medical help. I just think she wanted a room of robot children. I had dd tested for placement and was told while she was slightly behind, she wasnt behind enough for help. While my dd was being taken out of class, her teacher was still giving her the classwork to take home. We were taking 20+ sheets of classwork home everyday. I found out after a week of this that because dd was being removed from class for testing, she should be exempt from what the class does while dd is out. I had to talk to the principal to get this to stop. 

Second grade: New school. first week the teacher calls us and tells us that dd told her she had been hiding her homework under a chair on the porch before she came in. She had bee telling us she did it all in class. She was grounded all weekend. Nothing changed.The teacher and I decide to remove everything fun from her. Never worked. My dd was sitting in her seat all day. No PE, art, computers, music, or recess. At home we took everything out of her room by Christmas. Nothing but her bed and dresser. She was sooo bad I held her back. She simply wasnt ready for 3rd grade.

Second grade again. Still no change. All year I have gotten notes fom her teacher saying dd is very smart and just needs to focus. Tonite I found her folder that she told me she forgot at school, under her dresser with homework in it.and I cant have her retested for placement til next year.

I have tried making her write a letter saying sory to the teacher for lying. Writing sentences, running around the yard(small yard and never many laps2-3 maybe)

I cant hold her back again. It didnt affect her a bit. Nothing seems to have an effect. Im out of ideas and at my wits end. My dd has never brought home a good grade in her life. Not counting Pe, art, music, ect


by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
twokids0407
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:25 PM
Sry no advice, but heres a bump.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
teenmom0305
by Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:30 PM

Thanks anyway.


Quoting twokids0407:

Sry no advice, but heres a bump.



GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:30 PM
3 moms liked this

Have you sat down and simply asked her why she does this?

Edit:  We often forget to add our children to the solution because we think as the parent, we can figure out the answers.  Many years ago a woman gave me a book called "Love and Logic:  Teaching Our Kids Responsibility".  While, I didn't agree with everything in the book, I did take one thing away from it.  That was to communicate better and in different ways with our children at different ages.

When I'm at my wits ends with my kids, I remind myself to ask them.  So, I ask them "what do you think we should do".  The answers often come from here.  With younger children, I say incorporate what they say into something that can be useful.

teenmom0305
by Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:45 PM

I have asked her why she did something and all I get is "I dont know"


Quoting GotSomeKids:

Have you sat down and simply asked her why she does this?

Edit:  We often forget to add our children to the solution because we think as the parent, we can figure out the answers.  Many years ago a woman gave me a book called "Love and Logic:  Teaching Our Kids Responsibility".  While, I didn't agree with everything in the book, I did take one thing away from it.  That was to communicate better and in different ways with our children at different ages.

When I'm at my wits ends with my kids, I remind myself to ask them.  So, I ask them "what do you think we should do".  The answers often come from here.  With younger children, I say incorporate what they say into something that can be useful.



mjande4
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:48 PM
4 moms liked this

I actually do not believe in taking exercise, i.e., recess/PE away from kids as punishment. They NEED to burn off steam mentally and physically. I would set up a reward system. Instead of negative consequences use positive ones.

GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, not the infamous "I don't know".  My kids do this often and they are several years older.  I once had a counselor tell me, sometimes they don't know.  When I can't get past the "I don't know", I tell them the following:

I understand.  It's hard to figure out why we do the things we do.  Even adults struggle too.  But, this behavior is going to affect you now and when you get older.  Mommy wants to help you, I really do, but I can't do anything unless I know whats going on in your head.  So, when you figure it out, I'll be here to help you.  But, until then lying is unacceptable, as is not doing your work and both have seperate punishments.  Tell me what you think your punishment should be and it has to fit the crime (ie...don't let them tell you they should get ice cream...LOL). 

Sometime the answers come soon.  Other times I have to be patient.  This is a long term approach, but it allows them to approach you in their own time and when they are ready.  Kids are way more receptive when they can do it on their own and not when they are being pushed.

Hope this helps!

Quoting teenmom0305:

I have asked her why she did something and all I get is "I dont know"


Quoting GotSomeKids:

Have you sat down and simply asked her why she does this?

Edit:  We often forget to add our children to the solution because we think as the parent, we can figure out the answers.  Many years ago a woman gave me a book called "Love and Logic:  Teaching Our Kids Responsibility".  While, I didn't agree with everything in the book, I did take one thing away from it.  That was to communicate better and in different ways with our children at different ages.

When I'm at my wits ends with my kids, I remind myself to ask them.  So, I ask them "what do you think we should do".  The answers often come from here.  With younger children, I say incorporate what they say into something that can be useful.




GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't forget to encourage her good grades (PE, Art and such).  This will show her, she has the ability to do good in school.

Quoting mjande4:

I actually do not believe in taking exercise, i.e., recess/PE away from kids as punishment. They NEED to burn off steam mentally and physically. I would set up a reward system. Instead of negative consequences use positive ones.


Rbrown72707
by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:56 PM
1 mom liked this

Most research shows that holding kids back does not help them.  I hope you get it worked out!  She sounds miserable:(  What is her reasoning for not doing the work?  Does she not understand it, or is she just choosing not to do it?  Maybe you could try a private tutor.

Rbrown72707
by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 10:56 PM
1 mom liked this

Another thing.  At my school, kids can not be taken out of my music class for poor behavior or homework make up, etc.  It is a graded class that they are required to participate in.

GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2013 at 11:03 PM

Does she have friends she could team up with to do the homework together?  Not all the time.  Now and again to make it a little fun and less freightening.

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