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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

I'm at my wits end! (Update)

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 2:06 PM
  • 18 Replies

Update:

Thanks everyone who posted, your suggestions were fantastic and at least I know we aren't out of line and being cruel about the whole thing!

She still hasn't opened up and told us the truth.  I decided to call my FIL (her estranged husband) last week.  I asked him about the dogs.....they are apparently here to stay with us.....along with her :/.   She also told us that she got a job in Florida that she was supposed to start Monday.  We are in VA, so that was quite a move.  I talked to FIL and he said there's no job....apparently this whole thing was based on the premise that he was footing the bill (again).  He's got no place to live (been living with a buddy for a few years) because he's been paying for her to live in luxury and not working a day for it.  I told him to stop, let the Florida thing fall through.....she doesn't deserve the luxury treatment any longer......and neither does he.  He needs to move on and finally get his own feet back on the ground.

So, back to her.  We called her mother in Texas and said that we were buying her a one way ticket to her house.   Her mother's mother passed away a while back, and they still own that house.  So, free house for her to stay in near her mother who has the time to take care of her.....makes more sense, right?

But, there's another rock to pin us in :/.  She hurt her leg before she "moved in".  Her leg is in bad shape.  She keeps talking to us about it and saying its necrotizing and she has MRSA and all this other mess!  It's scaring the living crap out of us because now she's got this aweful infection (or so she says) and around my kids.  Still sleeping in my son's bed!!!!!  I have no where else to put my son, except in his bed!  This is just really creeping me out and I wish she'd be more truthful.  Oh, and apparently she also has breast cancer (its no end with her).  I don't know what to believe anymore!

So, needless to say...we don't know what to do.  She needs to be hospitalized IMO if she's got MRSA.  But her doctors keep sending her home (our house) and asking her to come in every 12 hours for an antibiotic drip.  I don't know what is going on with that!!!!!  We cant afford to put her into a hotel (around here, DC area, you can only imagine the price of that).  

Anyway, thought I'd let you know :/.


I didn't want to post my "drama" here, but I'm getting to the point that I dont' know what to do anymore.  I won't go into grave detail about our current situation, but I'll give you enough of the backstory so you can get a handle of it.

My MIL asked me 3 weeks ago if she could stay one night.  She had a doctor's appointment near us and she lives 4 hours away.  I said "sure", because I woudln't want to drive 8 hours in one day just for one appointment.  Well, apparently, one night means 3+ weeks.......because 3 weeks later she's still in our house.  There's no sign of her leaving anytime soon either.

Secondly, the dogs.  She asked us if the dogs could stay over one day last weekend.  Sure, we said, one day was fine.  But its been a week and the dogs are still in my house.  Normally, we woudln't care, the dogs are cute, adorable and cuddly things.  But our older son is VERY allergic to dogs.  He's allergic to thier fur, dander and saliva!  Its been really aggravating his allergies to the point he's been on Benadryl full time!  

Now for the question: between all of this, Caden's routine and discipline have gone out the window.  If he asks for something and we say "no", she jumps right on in and does it for him.  We were attempting at teaching him patience and independence.  But, she isn't allowing that to happen and is constantly undermining our word.  She has even come out and said "what's one litte cookie before dinner" or "well, if they won't do it I will", etc.  Its an uphill battle now.

Not to mention, his allergies.  One of his allergic symptoms is misbehavior.  Well, he gets hyper and thus stops listening and paying attention.  It makes sense, he's itchy and his eyes really bother him!  It's hard to focus when you feel that way.

My husband and I are just past our breaking point.  We've been nothing but nice to her and its getting to the point that we can't live our lives anymore.  She sleeps on HIS bed (he's on the floor) because we just don't have the space.  We are thinking of ways to handle that situation, but we are mainly looking for ways to describe this situation to Caden in hopes that it will get him back to the great, lovable, patient, independent kid we know!!!


by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 2:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WillsMOM72
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 2:29 PM
Just get your hubby to tell her it's time for the dogs to go. It's wrong of her to put such a burden on y'all. Just tell her how you feel.
SahmTam
by Tammy on Apr. 24, 2013 at 2:29 PM

 Not to pry (and please don't feel the need to be specific), but it seems like there has to be a reason she is avoiding going home?

I think that unless there was some kind of danger facing her at home my patience would have run out by now and I'd have told her that she needs to go. It's good that your DH is on the same page, b/c that would be really hard if he was enjoying mommy time and you weren't. lol I think you are going to have to confront her.

I hope it all works out. I'd be insane by now!

GwenMB
by Gwen on Apr. 24, 2013 at 2:55 PM

I would just have DH flat out tell her that its time for her & the dogs to leave (unless there is something serious at home that she's trying to avoid - loneliness doesn't count as serious, abuse of some sort does).

As for Caden, I think everything will sort itself out once she's gone. You'll be able to get back to his routine & re-establish discipline.  I'm not sure what you're trying to explain to him.

regian19832002
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:02 PM

I would tell her to get the hell out of my house, if he made anyone one mad or not.

corrinacs
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:51 PM

Thanks!  I don't really know her situation.  She hasn't worked in 10 years and is mooching money off of her estranged husband (my FIL).  He's been giving her a $4K allowance for the last two years and he's getting tired of it too :/.  She just won't get a job :/.

She was living with some friends on a farm, but that seems to have fallen through.  She's hurt right now (sprained arm and a gash in her leg) she claims was as the result of an accident with a horse.  I understand she's hurt.....but she lied to us about staying with us.

What really makes us mad is she told us she'd be staying one night.  We didn't know otherwise utnil a week later, my husband's brother said "oh, she's moved out of her old house".  This was news to us!!!  Why did she feel she needed to lie to us?  I feel it is downright disrespectful!  Anytime we ask her, she dodges the question.  A kid dodging a question because they aren't comfortable.......one thing.  She's an adult! And the situation with the dogs: Again, she blatantly lied to us....I feel she's just switchign whose she's mooching off of....but we don't have the space or the money to take care of her!!!!  I guess she thinks we do, I have no clue :/.

We wanted to explain to Caden that we are in an unusual situation.  That just because his Nana is there doesn't give him the go-ahead and act out.  If we say "no" to something, that's the end of the story.  If she jumps in, he needs to learn to disregard it.  If we say "no" WE mean "no".  Just wanting to be sure if that's too much to ask of the little guy :/.


Quoting GwenMB:

I would just have DH flat out tell her that its time for her & the dogs to leave (unless there is something serious at home that she's trying to avoid - loneliness doesn't count as serious, abuse of some sort does).

As for Caden, I think everything will sort itself out once she's gone. You'll be able to get back to his routine & re-establish discipline.  I'm not sure what you're trying to explain to him.




LilliesValley
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:54 PM
Your dh needs to handle her and get her out asap. She will be more forgiving of her child than you.
BuckeyezRule
by Laura on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:05 PM

Ditto. I'd have been past the breaking point by now. Lol


Quoting LilliesValley:

Your dh needs to handle her and get her out asap. She will be more forgiving of her child than you.



LilliesValley
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:19 PM
Yeah on day three I would have been like what's up. The dogs would never have come if my kid had allergies and if dh didn't handle it I most certainly would.


Quoting BuckeyezRule:

Ditto. I'd have been past the breaking point by now. Lol



Quoting LilliesValley:

Your dh needs to handle her and get her out asap. She will be more forgiving of her child than you.





wakymom
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this

 As far as Caden is concerned, call a family meeting, including your mil. House rules need to be restated/established in front of mil. Make it clear, preferrably dh since she's his mother, that when you and/or dh tell Caden no, she is NOT to go ahead and say yes. Caden needs to know that going to Grandma is not going to be tolerated and what the consequences for doing so are going to be.

The dogs- would it be possible to keep them out of certain rooms so Caden has some dander/drool-free areas to go to? If I read things right, she's sleeping in Caden's bed and he's on the floor in his rm? Insist the dogs MUST stay out of his room.

If compromise doesn't work, your dh is going to have to insist she find other living arrangements.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

berlgirl1224
by Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this
She needs to go.
Your son's allergies and behavior/routine are whats important.
Think about it, you're putting off telling a grown woman to go home, while your son suffers. I see an issue
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