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I'm about to give up!!!!!

Posted by on May. 23, 2013 at 6:28 PM
  • 21 Replies

My six year old SD is driving me insane and I have no clue what in the world to do about it!  SO and I have been together for 3 years now and his daughter absolutely hates me!  According to her, I hate her, which is not the case at all.  I love her just as much as my own DD.  But no matter what I do, she still hates me.  I can look at her and she hates me.  I can talk to her and she hates me.  I can leave her alone all day and she hates me.  I can have her help me and she hates me.  No matter what, she hates me!  I'm sick and tired of her telling SO that I hate her when I don't.  She is constantly sassy with me, gives me an attitude and always does the opposite of what I ask of her.  Her mother has never been a part of her life, so she is not an influence.  As a matter of fact, when she was only a year old she told the court to give her to SO because she wanted nothing to do with her.  So she is no influence what-so-ever.  We do know that her mother has Bi-Polar disorder and we are starting to signs in SD.  I don't if this has anything to do with it, but I'm sick and tired of her hating me.  I know she doesn't like the fact that rules have changed since I've come into the picture.  Before me, all she had to do was whine and everyone jumped to her side and gave her WHATEVER she wanted!  Well since I've come into play, that's changed.  She hates being told no.  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  I just want to give up, but I love her too much to do that to her.  She needs a mother figure and I'm willing to do that.  But she has got to stop hating me!  Please help me! 

by on May. 23, 2013 at 6:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Gold Member on May. 23, 2013 at 6:42 PM

My dd is 7 and tries to pull the hate card as well as a 5 yr old i watch.  It is the age and she is now probably feeling like an outsider even though you have been around for most of her life.   If you think she is showing signs of mental disorders or behavioral disorders, you need to get her evaluated so any help she needs can get started.  At this point unless you want to explore family counseling and family team building, all you can do is remain consistent, firm and loving towards her.   This is a preview of what teen years could be like.  This much i have learned with my own dd.  We have worked on expressing emotions appropriately towards others.

rockinmomto2
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 6:47 PM

My 7 year old DD says that to me all the time. Every time I tell her to do something or I say something she doesn't like she goes "You HATE me!" in that overly dramatic 7 year old way and goes and slams her door. Today, she told me she wished she lived somewhere else. *sigh* I guess I'm no help but know you're not alone, and it's not just step daughters!

SamKlug
by on May. 23, 2013 at 6:48 PM

 If this is a preview of her teenage years, I'm $&#^# screwed!!!!!

Quoting frndlyfn:

My dd is 7 and tries to pull the hate card as well as a 5 yr old i watch.  It is the age and she is now probably feeling like an outsider even though you have been around for most of her life.   If you think she is showing signs of mental disorders or behavioral disorders, you need to get her evaluated so any help she needs can get started.  At this point unless you want to explore family counseling and family team building, all you can do is remain consistent, firm and loving towards her.   This is a preview of what teen years could be like.  This much i have learned with my own dd.  We have worked on expressing emotions appropriately towards others.

 

frndlyfn
by Gold Member on May. 23, 2013 at 7:02 PM

Are you a contender for the mean mommy award as well?  DD likes to tell me i am a mean mommy when she is upset.


Quoting rockinmomto2:

My 7 year old DD says that to me all the time. Every time I tell her to do something or I say something she doesn't like she goes "You HATE me!" in that overly dramatic 7 year old way and goes and slams her door. Today, she told me she wished she lived somewhere else. *sigh* I guess I'm no help but know you're not alone, and it's not just step daughters!



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rockinmomto2
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 7:03 PM

Oh yeah. Apparently, I'm the worst mommy in the whole world who hates her. *eyeroll* She's way too dramatic for her own good.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Are you a contender for the mean mommy award as well?  DD likes to tell me i am a mean mommy when she is upset.


Quoting rockinmomto2:

My 7 year old DD says that to me all the time. Every time I tell her to do something or I say something she doesn't like she goes "You HATE me!" in that overly dramatic 7 year old way and goes and slams her door. Today, she told me she wished she lived somewhere else. *sigh* I guess I'm no help but know you're not alone, and it's not just step daughters!




Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2013 at 7:41 PM
You gals put up with being talked to like that? She needs to be put in her place. She would lose a priveledge or possession until she can be polite and speak nicely. Even if that means taking her room down to bare walls and floors with just a mattress!

For OP, your man needs to step up and make his DD respect you.
Hkllgg
by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 10:29 PM
This entirely. I totally agree. My husband would have never let my stepson do this to me. My house, my rules. Get over it.


Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

You gals put up with being talked to like that? She needs to be put in her place. She would lose a priveledge or possession until she can be polite and speak nicely. Even if that means taking her room down to bare walls and floors with just a mattress!



For OP, your man needs to step up and make his DD respect you.

lilblu399
by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 10:35 PM
3 moms liked this
Has anyone tried working with her issues with her mother basically abandoning her? Maybe she's jealous that her bio mom isn't around and your dd has hers?
Does her father disciplines her when she does wrong?
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Kris_PBG
by on May. 23, 2013 at 10:48 PM
She obviously has issues with her mother abandoning her. Have you gotten her counseling?

What does dh say?
XOXOnBubbles
by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 10:55 PM

I think the biggest thing to help would be to make sure that you and her dad are on the same page!  If she gets whatever she wants from him, and you are always the one to say "no" or enforce rules etc. it is going to be a problem. 

You and your SO need to sit down together (without kids) and come up with a plan.  You need to have rules and consequences that you BOTH agree on, and you BOTH help enforce.

I would also look at getting her in to see someone about possible abandonment issues and to have her evaluated for possibly being bi-polar if it runs in the family.  My nephew is bi-polar and life with him was Hell until they had him properly diagnosed, seeing a psychiatrist, and on some medication. 

Good luck! 

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