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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

helicopter parenting

Posted by on May. 27, 2013 at 11:04 AM
  • 49 Replies
I've recently realized my husband and I are huge helicopters looming over ds's head. We watch his every move, barely letting him out of our sight. Constantly dictating every action. "Don't do that. Quit it. Be careful. Calm down."
I'm beginning to wonder if this is good for him. I know he needs to learn things on his own. But we don't want to risk injuries. He is 6 yr old and hasn't had any broken bones or stitches. I'm sure we have saved him from many falls and busted heads by stopping the action before it happens. How to I let go of my fear of him getting hurt and let him be more adventurous? And if he does get hurt I have to deal with dh getting pissed at me for letting him get hurt. Now our biggest concern is him doing something without thinking about the consequences and accidentally hurting his baby sister.
by on May. 27, 2013 at 11:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mjande4
by Platinum Member on May. 27, 2013 at 11:08 AM
7 moms liked this

Accept that he is going to get hurt. He's a boy/kid. He needs to learn to navigate obstacles. At age six, he is LONG overdue. Land the rotors.

sahmw2010
by Bronze Member on May. 27, 2013 at 11:08 AM

 falling and getting hurt, and possibly breaking a few bones too, is all a part of child hool. with that being said.. I have no clue how to release the fear. i have a heart attack when my kids climb trees. and I grew up in trees. lol.

rockinmomto2
by on May. 27, 2013 at 11:11 AM

My DS sprained his shoulder last year jumping off the couch. He was 4. DH took him to the hospital, and he was fine. You need to learn to trust your child and his judgement. And sometimes that judgement is going to suck and get him hurt but he'll LEARN. DS has never jumped off the couch again. Kids need to learn by doing, not by being told. I was a pretty adventerous kid, and the only bones I ever broke were in my toes chasing a boy (LOL!). Hell, I've even jumped off a 25 foot tall rock into the ocean multiple times in a row. You have to let your kid make his own mistakes.

BannerElkHogans
by Member on May. 27, 2013 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

best way to fix this now is to slowing start culling yourselves back from hoovering over him .........little kids get hurt .......an you can't wrap then up in a bubble ball......they learn to be more confident if they know you trust them to be able to make up their own little minds to want to do the right thing.

GwenMB
by Gwen on May. 27, 2013 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this

My oldest is 6 & has never had a broken bone or stitches even though we aren't helicopter parents.  My 4.5 yo, though, has had stitches (really glue or staple) twice & is getting the cast off his arm that he fractured tomorrow.

Honestly, the cast is enough of a pain to deal with that I almost could become a helicopter parent just to avoid it.

Just remember that its easier to heal a broken bone, though, than to fix a broken/timid spirit.  You want to set some limits (i.e. my 4 yo shouldn't have been playing on the changing table).  But overall they need to try things for themselves.

Do you let him pick out his clothes & make other decisions for himself?  And suffer any consequences for those decisions?  THat is also important.

Maybe reading books by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, top20training, Parenting with Love & Logic would help you see why you don't want to helicopter parent & give you things to do instead.

jen113000
by Jenna on May. 27, 2013 at 2:24 PM
2 moms liked this

My 7 and 4 year old have never broken any bones and no stitches. I don't consider myself a helicopter parent. I let them try things but also don't let them do certain things that I know are dangerous.

coala
by on May. 27, 2013 at 2:25 PM

You have to let them do things with in reason.  We do make sure to keep the kids safe, but for heaven's sake let them be kids.  They ride their bikes and fall, they roller skate and fall.  My oldest even fell 4 ft off a piece of playground equipment, and she wasn't injured but sure scared.  She didn't do it again.

emparentingmom
by on May. 27, 2013 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi Wonder woman,

My sense is that it's a matter of balance.  You do need to keep him (and his baby sister!) safe, but you also want to give him the space he needs to explore and learn.  I also have a six year old who's very adventurous, and what I try to do is to create safe spaces where he can run and play, and where I don't have to be too worried that something will happen to him. 

I'm also a worry-wart who tends to interfere too much, and that's part of why I started blogging - my blog (Emparenting) helps me remember that my job is to empower my kids - and that means sometimes letting them make their own mistakes.  It's definitely hard.

cjsmom1
by Silver Member on May. 27, 2013 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I think I'm in the middle. I'm constantly telling ds not to do stuff, which he does anyway. I try to take a step back and remember that sometimes he needs to learn on his own. It helps that his dad isn't as nutsy as I am. He's 8 and his dad will send him to the corner store occasionally.
MistyMoo
by Bronze Member on May. 27, 2013 at 3:05 PM
1 mom liked this
The only time I become a helicopter parent is when we're at the park and there are children younger than my son there.. When I say younger I mean like 1 or 2. My son is severely autistic and he likes to play with the younger kids (maybe because he has a little sister who is 2?) and he's not always gentle with them, so I have to remind him he has to slow down an watch out.. Other than that he runs free when we go for walks because there's nothing really for him to get into..
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