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How would you handle this?

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:54 AM
  • 8 Replies

So my DD1 wants to call this horribly bratty girl that is on her bus and lives just up the road from us her best friend. I have met the parents and she has a younger sister in my youngest DDs class who we've tried having playdates with and who has come to my daughters birthday and I can say I DESPISE this family.  Last year the old ger (I'll call her A) would pull my daughters hair on the bus, steal things out of her back pack, and at one point had to be pulled off my DD1s by other kids on the bus because she jumped on her and was punching her. (DD1 had bruises all over her arms from this.) I spoke with the parents and things calmed down but now she demands my DD1 give her things or do things for her and I just keep telling DD1 to tell her no.

Well for some reason my DD1 wants to be A's best friend! I cannot figure out why! I have told her there are much nicer kids with much more favourable behaviour that she can be BFFs with.

Meanwhile DD2 has the younger sister (We'll call her B) in her class. This kid does nothing but whine and fake cries and screams when she doesn't get her own way. B is one of the oldest kids in her class and the fits she throws remind me of a 2 year old throwing a tantrum.  There is nothing wrong with this child, she has no developmental delays, she just is another brat.  Once again my DD2 is drawn to her. We have talked about this girls behaviour and how it is not tolerated in our house (My DD2 started trying to behave like her but we quickly stopped that!) but she still wants to be BFF's with her.

I really do not try and force my kids who to be or not to be friends with but I cannot stand this family. When I talked to the dad initially about the problems on the bus his response was "Well you can't control what kids do when your not around." REALLY!?!

Sorry about the rant but any suggestions on steering my kids away from these brats?

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:54 AM
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Replies (1-8):
kellysp6637
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:00 AM

 I'd simply tell her no, that they are not very nice kids and you don't intend on socializing with their family.  It may sound harsh, but sometimes you have to be blunt for children to understand. 

I've always been pretty honest with my kids and though it may sound snobby, I won't allow playdates or encourage friendships with troublemakers or repeated behavioral issues.  I don't have the time to deal with that aggravation.  Thankfully my dd's friends are all from really good homes and that reflects in the children she is friends with.

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I really don't advocate "picking" friends for my children. Your daughter's will eventually figure out that the kids aren't nice. You, trying to control their friendships, will only push them that direction. Your kids are old enough to navigate this themselves. Direct from the background. Give them examples of treating others nicely, but other than this, butt out.

Barabell
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:27 AM


Quoting mjande4:

I really don't advocate "picking" friends for my children. Your daughter's will eventually figure out that the kids aren't nice. You, trying to control their friendships, will only push them that direction. Your kids are old enough to navigate this themselves. Direct from the background. Give them examples of testing others nicely, but other than this, butt out.

I agree with this advice, and I've tried to handle friendship more from the background too. 

JoanahLee
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:42 AM

I would tell her she is welcome to be friends with whomever she wants at school (and have a conversation about 'friend' behaviors and 'bully' behaviors, cause this kid sounds like a big mean bully!) but also tell her that you don't allow people who act like that (and give specific examples) in your house, or to do things with your family outside of school.   

I fully support letting your kids make their own decisions about who to befriend, but you have to balance that with setting limits when you KNOW someone is bad news. 

natesmom1228
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:05 PM

 


Quoting mjande4:

I really don't advocate "picking" friends for my children. Your daughter's will eventually figure out that the kids aren't nice. You, trying to control their friendships, will only push them that direction. Your kids are old enough to navigate this themselves. Direct from the background. Give them examples of testing others nicely, but other than this, butt out.

Great advice. Kids need to learn things on their own.

 

mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:31 PM

Have the kids come to your house for a playdate with your kids. Supervise closely and as soon as they act bratty, send them home. Then have a discussion with your child and say "that is why you should make a different friend." Let their behavior set an example. You also have the control to correct their behavior at your house, and end the playdate.

mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:34 PM

Adding... some of the kids I know that were terrors in 1st grade, are really nice kids in 4th and 5th grade.... so you never know what the future may hold.

corrinacs
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:09 PM

I wish I had mroe for you!  I am so sorry you are going through this!!!!

I think for girl A, it sounds like your child may feel too pressured by her!  I think A is forcing your daughter to be nice to her, and if she doesn't she gets picked on again.  She's trying her best to muffle the tension, but unfortuantely, its only enabling A.

As for B, just keep encouraging your daughter to stay away......her actions are baby like and until her maturity gets better (doesn't sound like that's going to happen), then I'd step in teh way of this one.

I wonder if A is bullying B.  I was just reading an article about sibling bullying and how its very common.  More common than we think because the lines for siblings is murkier than with other peers.  The actions that B is exhibiting sounds like she's being bullyed by her sister and isn't sure how to deal with that.....that and being a brat.

In all honesty, I think you need to step in on this one.  As much as you want to be nice and you want your children to be nice to others.....I think this can only be a relationship that's going to be more hurtful in teh end.  People like that don't change quickly, and your daughter may be working ahrd on the relationship only to find that it is never requited.  Have her spend her energy making BFF's out of other people at school.

Good luck!!

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