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help with advice for my 9yr old

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:32 AM
  • 8 Replies

My son had a sleepover birthday party, which went really well. He has 3really good friends that I can see lasting a lifetime. There was another boy, that my son isn't as good of friends with, who has issues, and doesn't seem to have a lot of friends, seems to latch on to my son and his younger brother more than anything. I signed my son up for summer camp because his friends were joining and it will keep him busy and near his friends. The boy's mother told me she signed her son up for summer camp instead of a camp for learning disabilities that he usually does this summer. How can I tell my son it is okay for him to play with his good friends and not just let the boy latch on to him during summer camp. I don't want to teach my son to be mean, but I also don't want him to feel he has to spend every day with this boy. My son's friends tried to involve him in the games they played but he didn't want to play and sat in another room and my husband and I tried to get him to be involved with the other boys but he hung out with my younger son instead. My son is not mean and I just want to tell him it is not his job to entertain this boy all summer. Is that wrong? What would you do?

Any advice is appreciated!

Thanks, Meghan

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:32 AM
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Replies (1-8):
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Just tell him exactly what you just stated, that it's ok. This gap will continue to widen as the kids get older. Also understand as kids go to middle and high school, their circle of friends WILL change.
Tallmomma
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:08 AM
I know how the little guys start to find their friends at this age. Talk to him about it just like above. However if the other boy is behind the other boys in development, I would make a point to tell your son that is very nice to be the other boy's friend too, but not to the point of him sheltering or babysitting him so that his camp experience is botched. That way your son can decide for himself on how far he would like to help the other boy make new friends.
disnchntdwife
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:16 AM

I really would not make a very big deal about it...kids tend to be able to work this out without our help. If you feel that strongly..maybe just tell your son something like " I want you to have a really great time at camp and not let anyone make you do anything you dont want to. If someone chooses not to join in activities that doesnt mean you cant still do them." dont point out any other kids or mention names. He will know what you mean.

SeanandNoahsmom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:35 PM

 I agree

Quoting Tallmomma:

I know how the little guys start to find their friends at this age. Talk to him about it just like above. However if the other boy is behind the other boys in development, I would make a point to tell your son that is very nice to be the other boy's friend too, but not to the point of him sheltering or babysitting him so that his camp experience is botched. That way your son can decide for himself on how far he would like to help the other boy make new friends.

 

Dawn
mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:41 PM

 This.

It is summer camp. Your son should do the activities he wants to do and not worry about keeping other friends "happy". That is what the camp counselor is there for. Let the counselor take care of it. They are trained to encourage the kids to try something and participate, but they won't force anything. If a kid needs to go off and be alone, he should be able to have his space. As for his friends, he can hang out with him, but encourage him to also make new friends too with kids he doesn't know. If he has an issue with someone "latching on", he needs to speak up and say, "I'm going to do {activity} now." and not feel bad if he has to walk away.  And to not be mean to him if he gets annoyed by him. He can tell the kids to leave him alone without hurting someone else's feelings with the words he chooses.

You can also send a private note along for the counselor in charge of his group to monitor the interactions between your son and the boys. Explain that one of them tends to be overly "clingy" to your son, and you hope your son can make some new friends at camp.

 

Quoting disnchntdwife:

I really would not make a very big deal about it...kids tend to be able to work this out without our help. If you feel that strongly..maybe just tell your son something like " I want you to have a really great time at camp and not let anyone make you do anything you dont want to. If someone chooses not to join in activities that doesnt mean you cant still do them." dont point out any other kids or mention names. He will know what you mean.

 

 

emarin77
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:07 PM

I wouldn't really bother unless he asks for help.  As many mothers on have stated children can figure it out on their own. 

BuckeyezRule
by Laura on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:32 PM

This. :) my 9 yo ds is currently playing with his 2 besties. One slept over last night, and they both want to again tonight. It's tough sometimes. I've always taught my kids to be kind to and include everyone. I was bullied as a child (not saying your ds is at all, just what I went through) , so I always want to include all the kids. In our hood, that can be a chore. Lol we have a ton.

However if the other boy is so clingy that it interferes with your ds's ability to have fun at camp, you might have to say something. Good luck! :)


Quoting emarin77:

I wouldn't really bother unless he asks for help.  As many mothers on have stated children can figure it out on their own. 



cnmsmom
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:29 PM

Thanks for all the great advice. I think I am just going to be vague and tell him to enjoy his time at camp. I just know my son and he will be nice but I think as long as he tells me how his day goes, I can just say something if I feel he is clinging to my son. I know he is so excited, thank you so much. Sometimes I need an outsider's point of view, as I don't like saying anything to the people I know so my feelings don't get back to his mother. I like the boy as a friend for my son, but I feel this year they don't have much in common, but his mom and I are friends. So my son feels obligated to invite him places. Anyway, thank you!

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