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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

What to do about bullying?

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:45 AM
  • 15 Replies

My 10 year old son is friends with a varied group of boys. 2 I consider "trouble" because they swear and think they are the "cool kids"  and are more advanced than I'd like my son to be as far as what they watch on tv, the swearing, being into girls, things like that. Then he has a group of what the other boys call the "nerdy kids"-the smart ones, computer geeky type. I saw in some text messges on my son's phone that the 2 "cool boys" were making fun of and threatening to "make you cry" to one of the geeky type kids unless the child paid them $5. I asked my son about it and he says it never actually happens (as far as physical stuff or money being paid) but they do pick on this boy alot. I have seen my son stick up for the boy and tell the boys to stop so I do not believe my son is participating. My son is bigger then all of them so he doesn't get picked on and he pretty much fits in and hangs with all different groups. So far I have not seen him gravitate to a certain group or be "clicky". My question is, do I tell the Father of the boy who is doing the threatening (he and I are neighbor's and I have ratted this boy out before for other things) or do I tell the Mom of the boy being picked on and let her handle it with her child? The boy doing the picking on basically has no adult supervision because his Father is a single Dad of 3 boys (the 10 yr old and two teenagers) and works all the time. So this boy romas the neighborhood freely all hours of the day and night, uses his phone when and however he wants, stays up all night on video games, etc. My child has limits as to where he can go alone, his phone and game usage etc. I just feel like without proper supervision, this boy will become an even bigger bully if it is not stopped now. (and he is just a little peanut himself so I am SHOCKED that kids are even threatened by him!) Advice please?

in loveGina

by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mocking.Jay
by Silver Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 8:49 PM

I think this is one of those "choose your battles wisely". I would personally not tell the bully's parent, but I would tell the victim's so they can take the appropriate measures. If you tell a bully's parents who are not personally bullying your child, you become one of "those" parents who will be gossiped about and possibly start having your child bullied.

I think it's a nice gesture to inform the victim's mother since it's really not your problem personally. 

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 9:12 PM

To tell you the truth,  unless you know for certain that something has ACTUALLY happened, I would stay out of it. I don't think that you will be helping your son if you interfere.

quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 9:13 PM

This.


Quoting Mocking.Jay:

I think this is one of those "choose your battles wisely". I would personally not tell the bully's parent, but I would tell the victim's so they can take the appropriate measures. If you tell a bully's parents who are not personally bullying your child, you become one of "those" parents who will be gossiped about and possibly start having your child bullied.

I think it's a nice gesture to inform the victim's mother since it's really not your problem personally. 



steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:28 PM

 The only person that I would be talking to would be my own child.

Jennlarin
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 3:53 PM

I think you should team up with the victim's mom & possibly even the moms of the other "geeky kids" & make sure their kids are totally cut off from this bully. Make it impossible for this bully to communicate with them. Nobody can be with their child 24/7 but maybe teachers at school can help keep the bully away from the targeted kids. This seems like a lot to go through but we live in a totally different world now & kids are dying & committing suicide bc of bullying. Most things I would say to stay out of but NOT if it involves bullying of any kind. The bully's father prob won't do anything about it so I think it's important to just protect the bullied kids.

ilovemykids732
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:06 PM

I would tell the bullied kids mother personally... Show her the texts and such... Think about if it was your kid being bullied... wouldn't you want someone to tell you? and KEEP YOUR SON AWAY FROM THE BULLIES...

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:14 PM


These boys are TEN not two.  At this age, actually I think all ages, mommy should NOT be interferring in friendships.  As a parent, you can and should give your input/advice on the merits of hanging around with nicer people, BUT you should NOT try and pick their friends.  First, it will backfire.  Second, it does not enable your kid to problem solve, which he/she needs to do.  I'm not against telling the other mother, IF you absolutely feel like you have to do something, but truthfully the kids need to deal with it themselves.  Given the right problem solving tools, kids are more than capable of handling stuff like this without mommy coming to the "rescue".

Quoting ilovemykids732:

I would tell the bullied kids mother personally... Show her the texts and such... Think about if it was your kid being bullied... wouldn't you want someone to tell you? and KEEP YOUR SON AWAY FROM THE BULLIES...



ilovemykids732
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:25 PM

I agree, BUT... When her son becomes one of the bullies, hes going to be the cause of stuff... I meant try to stear her child away from the kids... not STOP him from seeing them... maybe I worded it wrong... but she needs to try to find something else for her son to do...


Quoting mjande4:


These boys are TEN not two.  At this age, actually I think all ages, mommy should NOT be interferring in friendships.  As a parent, you can and should give your input/advice on the merits of hanging around with nicer people, BUT you should NOT try and pick their friends.  First, it will backfire.  Second, it does not enable your kid to problem solve, which he/she needs to do.  I'm not against telling the other mother, IF you absolutely feel like you have to do something, but truthfully the kids need to deal with it themselves.  Given the right problem solving tools, kids are more than capable of handling stuff like this without mommy coming to the "rescue".

Quoting ilovemykids732:

I would tell the bullied kids mother personally... Show her the texts and such... Think about if it was your kid being bullied... wouldn't you want someone to tell you? and KEEP YOUR SON AWAY FROM THE BULLIES...





mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:28 PM

Just because he's friendly to them, in NO way makes him a bully.  He actually is the one with the "power" to encourage them to be friends.  Her son seems pretty well balanced and my point was and is, if she gets involved, he easily could be seen as a "snitch" and be targeted.  I would just go with the flow and let the boys handle it.  They are more than old enough.


Quoting ilovemykids732:

I agree, BUT... When her son becomes one of the bullies, hes going to be the cause of stuff... I meant try to stear her child away from the kids... not STOP him from seeing them... maybe I worded it wrong... but she needs to try to find something else for her son to do...


Quoting mjande4:


These boys are TEN not two.  At this age, actually I think all ages, mommy should NOT be interferring in friendships.  As a parent, you can and should give your input/advice on the merits of hanging around with nicer people, BUT you should NOT try and pick their friends.  First, it will backfire.  Second, it does not enable your kid to problem solve, which he/she needs to do.  I'm not against telling the other mother, IF you absolutely feel like you have to do something, but truthfully the kids need to deal with it themselves.  Given the right problem solving tools, kids are more than capable of handling stuff like this without mommy coming to the "rescue".

Quoting ilovemykids732:

I would tell the bullied kids mother personally... Show her the texts and such... Think about if it was your kid being bullied... wouldn't you want someone to tell you? and KEEP YOUR SON AWAY FROM THE BULLIES...







ilovemykids732
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:31 PM

I'm sorry, maybe you havent seen the news lately... Children are killing themselves over being bullied... I am not going to waste my time arguing MY feelings with you, someone I don't know and will never meet... I just hope it all gets stopped soon, before someone gets hurt.


Quoting mjande4:

Just because he's friendly to them, in NO way makes him a bully.  He actually is the one with the "power" to encourage them to be friends.  Her son seems pretty well balanced and my point was and is, if she gets involved, he easily could be seen as a "snitch" and be targeted.  I would just go with the flow and let the boys handle it.  They are more than old enough.


Quoting ilovemykids732:

I agree, BUT... When her son becomes one of the bullies, hes going to be the cause of stuff... I meant try to stear her child away from the kids... not STOP him from seeing them... maybe I worded it wrong... but she needs to try to find something else for her son to do...


Quoting mjande4:


These boys are TEN not two.  At this age, actually I think all ages, mommy should NOT be interferring in friendships.  As a parent, you can and should give your input/advice on the merits of hanging around with nicer people, BUT you should NOT try and pick their friends.  First, it will backfire.  Second, it does not enable your kid to problem solve, which he/she needs to do.  I'm not against telling the other mother, IF you absolutely feel like you have to do something, but truthfully the kids need to deal with it themselves.  Given the right problem solving tools, kids are more than capable of handling stuff like this without mommy coming to the "rescue".

Quoting ilovemykids732:

I would tell the bullied kids mother personally... Show her the texts and such... Think about if it was your kid being bullied... wouldn't you want someone to tell you? and KEEP YOUR SON AWAY FROM THE BULLIES...









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