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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

10 Uncomfortable Confessions From an Imperfect Mom

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:33 AM
  • 6 Replies

10 Uncomfortable Confessions From an Imperfect Mom

by Linda Sharps 

1. I am estranged from my father and I have a polite but extremely distant relationship with my mother and I sometimes worry that my lack of family bonds and fear of rejection damaged a number of buried but critical internal structures that will forever prevent me from forming intimate friendships and will repeatedly surface in ways that will negatively affect how I parent my children.

Well! So much for easing you into the topic, right?

Actually, I have no overarching topic today, just a series of confessionals. No reason, aside from the fact that sometimes it feels cathartic to peel off some unsavory truths and lay them out in the open. You're only as sick as your secrets, they say. I have no idea if that's true, but like Mulder, I want to believe.

2. My 5-year-old greatly prefers my husband and it has been at times the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. My oldest went through a Daddy phase too, but this is different. This is something I often take personally even though I know I shouldn't. Every slight and refusal digs into me and carves a new wound. I worry that I make it worse by pulling back but I can't seem to help it. My older son feels sorry for me and comforts me and tells me, "I want to be on Mommy's team because Dylan never is," and it stirs up the most confusing murk of emotional flotsam: sorrow, self-pity, a grasping gratitude for my 7-year-old's sensitivity, a hateful internal inventory of everything that must be wrong with me and every reason my husband is the superior parent.

3. I constantly compare myself to the sort of mother I think I'm supposed to be and come up short every time. I worry about how my children will remember me. I secretly want to be beautiful and capable in their eyes, loving and gentle and brave. Perfect. The good queen from a fairytale -- when in reality I am sarcastic, impatient, fearful, weak. Not the evil queen, exactly, but flawed and unlovely and all too human.

4. At nearly 40 years old, I am neither a talented homemaker nor an accomplished career woman. If there is a dream to be followed, a passion to pursue, I do not know what mine is. Some days I'm okay with the goal of being present and doing the best I can in my various roles. Other days I wonder what happened to the ambitious, driven person I used to be.

5. Speaking of, I once ran a marathon. I did a sprint triathlon. I worked out with a personal trainer. I was strong and fit and confident. Now I'm so out of shape I threw out my back lifting groceries into the trunk of my car. I'm scared I will never be able to crawl out of this fitness slump I've been in for two years and counting, and I'll spend the rest of my life feeling lazy and unattractive and unhealthy.

6. I'm terrified my children will inherit my alcoholism.

7. I resent the drudgery of stay-home motherhood, and the way I am responsible yet receive no recognition for the most boring and unsavory tasks while my husband gets to walk in the door at 5:30 every day to a clean house and a hero's welcome.

8. I am lonely.

9. I know that every time I feel defensive or judgmental about someone else's parenting choices, it's because I am less than confident about my own.

10. I will never understand how I came to be so lucky as to have my amazing family. My beautiful, miraculous, wild little boys. My devoted, forgiving, loving husband. Every day I tell myself the same thing: If I only do one thing right in my life, please, please, please. Let it be this.

The floor is open, dear readers. Do you have any difficult confessions of your own to share?

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:33 AM
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Replies (1-6):
wakymom
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:02 AM

 While I have a college degree, I've never had any driving career ambitions. All I've ever really wanted to do was be a SAHM.

 

 

 

 

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:10 AM

I never had the desire to be a SAHM. I knew before I had kids that I would not be doing this. I worked in industry for a few years before going into teaching, which was a nice complement to having a family. 

Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:27 AM

I've never wanted to be a SAHM either. Even though my maternity leave was very short due to financial reasons, I was still chomping at the bit to get back to work.  

Quoting mjande4:

I never had the desire to be a SAHM. I knew before I had kids that I would not be doing this. I worked in industry for a few years before going into teaching, which was a nice complement to having a family. 


Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:29 AM

Sometimes I think my husband is more nurturing than I am. He's the oldest of several siblings, and so he helped raise them. I'm the youngest, and I only have two cousins that are younger than me but really close in age still. So I didn't even change a diaper until coming home from the hospital.

I like that my husband is willing to take care of a sick child and clean up puke. I generally turn to him a lot when situations like those come up. Yes, I could handle them, but I love that he's willing to step up and take care of son at those times.

soymujer
by Mikki on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:26 PM

Wow!  I think I could have wrote this because there's a lot of how I feel in this.  Especially number 1.

family in the van   Mom of four


TroyboysMom
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 2:32 AM

3. I constantly compare myself to the sort of mother I think I'm supposed to be and come up short every time. I worry about how my children will remember me. I secretly want to be beautiful and capable in their eyes, loving and gentle and brave. Perfect. The good queen from a fairytale -- when in reality I am sarcastic, impatient, fearful, weak. Not the evil queen, exactly, but flawed and unlovely and all too human.

I completely, and totally, can relate to this statement. I do this so very, very often. 

 10. I will never understand how I came to be so lucky as to have my amazing family. My beautiful, miraculous, wild little boy. My devoted, forgiving, loving husband. Every day I tell myself the same thing: If I only do one thing right in my life, please, please, please. Let it be this.

Bingo. Another one that I know intimately. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this.

I do not want to repeat my mother's mistakes. I had a wonderful childhood - because of my grandparents. I was always conscious of the difference, though. They were never a step-in for my parents, but they were my grandparents who took care of me. I was absolutely, positively loved, and very well-taken care of, but I also noticed the differences. They shaped who I am, and I was afraid of that when it came to parenting. 

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