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Not doing homework at the other parent home

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:40 AM
  • 12 Replies
Morning mommas! To start, this is more directed at those who have some sort of visitation plan where their child is with the father during the school week as well as with you (for me its 50/50 one week with me the next with him per co). When dd who is in 1st grade is with him i find she tends to not to her homework, but he will sign off that its done. He did it a lot last year as well. I have brought it to the teachers attention, but ahe says there really isnt anything she can do if its being signed off that its getting done. What woud you ladies do?

Dd when with her dad for the week almost always never showers, her hair is only sometimes brushed, he doesnt have her brush her teeth. The school already has a brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, and change of clothes for her. He will send her to school in clothes that are way to small or way to big and almost always dirty and smell disgusting. A mix of cigarette and weed. The school cant do anything more and cps says nothing is wrong.
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:51 AM

The teacher is correct.  Custody issues are not her problem.  Unfortunately, you are going to have to put the homework responsibility on your DAUGHTER.  She will learn early that her dad is not helping her.  It sounds like you need to get an attorney and revisit the custody agreement if she' smelling like pot. I know situations like this are tough, but it's really not fair to put the school/teacher in the middle.  Good luck.


Quoting momager2two:

Morning mommas! To start, this is more directed at those who have some sort of visitation plan where their child is with the father during the school week as well as with you (for me its 50/50 one week with me the next with him per co). When dd who is in 1st grade is with him i find she tends to not to her homework, but he will sign off that its done. He did it a lot last year as well. I have brought it to the teachers attention, but ahe says there really isnt anything she can do if its being signed off that its getting done. What woud you ladies do?

Dd when with her dad for the week almost always never showers, her hair is only sometimes brushed, he doesnt have her brush her teeth. The school already has a brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, and change of clothes for her. He will send her to school in clothes that are way to small or way to big and almost always dirty and smell disgusting. A mix of cigarette and weed. The school cant do anything more and cps says nothing is wrong.



frndlyfn
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:10 AM

Sounds like it is time to revisit the custody/visitation issue so that her hygiene and education become more important in the times she is with dad.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this

 I agree, it isn't the school's responsibility.  Your dd is going to have to become much more responsible for her own hygiene and homework.  You should also talk with your attorney about these issues to see if you can make changes to the custody agreement.

Andrewsmom70
by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:39 AM
I agree with the others, as a teacher and parent that has shared custody of my son.

You can ask the teachers document days when your child comes to school without homework and unkempt to use in court.
soymujer
by Mikki on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:43 AM

I agree.


Quoting frndlyfn:

Sounds like it is time to revisit the custody/visitation issue so that her hygiene and education become more important in the times she is with dad.



family in the van   Mom of four


kellysp6637
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:46 AM

 That's so sad.  It sounds like your dd's dad isn't interested in parenting.  Is there any change you could have the visitation changed to just the weekends so you can ensure she is getting the proper attention for school during the week.

Sounds like he could be setting her up for:

Teasing from her classmates (due to improper hygiene and lack of care of how she is clothed)

Poor grades and struggling with class work

Is there a financial benefit for him by keeping her during part of the week (less he has to pay in child care, etc).....

Avarah
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:47 AM
I'd start by sending her father a politely worded letter about how she's getting in teouble for not having homework that he's signing off on.

Instead of bringing this stuff to the teacher and the school's attention, which could just embarrass your daughter, teach her to take the initiative on hygeine issues.

She can certainly brush her hair and teeth without assistance. I've only got my 5 yr old son as reference, but the only help I give him in showering is turning it on for him. Does she need more help than that?

Yes, he SHOULD take care of this for her, but if he's not going to then I recommend shifting your focus from trying to get him to do the right thing to teaching her how to take care of these things herself.
kellysp6637
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:03 PM

 Whoa....I totally read over the cigarette and weed part.....THIS is definately time to address custody issues.  I'd be calling my lawyer so fast it would make your head spin.  Consult your lawyer about custody issues.  Sounds like he isn't capable of parenting properly.  I would document EVERYTHING and get written letters from the school as to the condition she is coming to school in and how it's affecting her academic progress.

DaisyRae
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:20 PM

Have you considered going and having the custody/visitation changed? School year she is with you except for weekends maybe, that way she is being taken care of and is getting her homework done. My agreement is that my ex gets very little visitation and has no custody at all, however we were letting him take the kids every other weekend for a while and that turned into a nightmare for school work and behavior during the school week. I would document everything, take pictures of her when she comes home dirty or in clothes that arent the right size, document when she isnt doing her homework-the weeks that he has her-and build your case to get the agreement changed that way. If there is no abuse or outright neglect, just poor parenting choices, CPS wont do anything. You can request parenting classes from the courts though, maybe he will realize that he needs to change how he is managing her time and behavior when he has her?

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:23 PM

Honestly, the homework part would be the least of my concerns. 

Have you talked to your lawyer about it?

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