Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

My six year old daughter threw a toy at me out of rage

Posted by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 5:35 PM
  • 6 Replies
My daughter threw a bat at me, it was a soft strawberry shortcake bat. Still an object. I was in shock. she was so mad, that she threw it at me and it hit my stomach.

She's in her room now but I honestly need to know... What type of punishment does this require. Whatever I do, I question myself. Does this work? How long do you put them in their room for? It seems I am questioning all 6 years of parenting. I try my hardest but it seems to never be good enough.

It seems she is a serious strong willed, nasty attitude, entitled, and brat. I try not to say these things to her. I try to just be calm and neutral like parenting books tell us to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm angry and I let her know I'm upset and what she does is wrong. I just don't tell her what I really feel.

I went to parenting classes all last year, every month for kindergarten. I listened to guidance counselor advice. She is still the same way. I tell her nicely put your shoes on and I get an attitude, taking back, etc.

The next step is an outside counselor.

The conflict today started because she said, outbid nowhere, "I'm the prettiest". And of course I don't want her walking around in life with that arrogance so I tried to tell her not to say those things and that she and her you get sister are the same. That they are
Both pretty. Anyway at some point of this I put on my video camera to show her dad what she was acting like. She got mad that I was video taping her and she threw the bat.

I don't know why she thinks that instead of talking it out with me, she wants to throw objects at my body?

What am u supposed to do? This is what this board is here for, right? I feel like will this ever end? All the years ahead of us? Are they going to continue with back talk, hair flipping, ( and no she does not learn that from me), attitude, fighting everything I say, anger and entitlement etc. ???

Is there a way to change her stubborn personality and way she is. That she will continue on a long road with this attitude and actions if I don't find a way to stop it.
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 5:35 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 5:44 PM

What consequences do you give for breaking house rules in general?   Are you firm low tone of voice or the sickly sweet gentle voice?   It can be good she is stubborn but needs to learn compromise as well as listening to adults who are trying to keep her and eveyrone else safe.  

 When my dd says she is the prettiest, I tell her that the insides do not match her outside when she is throwing a fit or being mean.  She is very stubborn as well but either daddy or I can out stubborn her.   The neutral emotionless type of reaction has to be consistent so that the child understands they can not control your emotions.  Given how stubborn your child is, this could take months of doing same thing day in, day out.


Throwing objects in our house means those objects get taken away as well as loss of privileges for 3 days. That could mean no chocolate, no computer time, no videos unless it is a "baby"one for bedtime, etc.


Laurmom
by New Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 6:14 PM
Yes, consequences. Whenever she
Breaks a rule, she is sent to her room for a time out. It seems it isnt enough because soon enough later or the next day, she will perform the bad behavior again which is usually swiping toys nastily out of her sisters hands and making her cry, or bothering her sister etc. taking back.

We have a rule list. Most is do not talk back, no mean attitude, etc. I guess I am not consistent. Example: getting ready in the Morning I ask her nicely go get your shoes and she will have attitude or talk back but I don't put her in her room because we have to run out the door. Maybe next time I ask her earlier to put the shoes on so we can have time for a time out if she doesn't listen to me.

She also comes out of her room frequently during the time out to say "how long is the time out for" and " I'm really sorry" "I came to tell you in really sorry". I don't get it. I mean she's impulsive. She says and does in the moment without thinking. Then later, yeah, of course she's sorry. Because she's in time out.

frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 6:20 PM

Yes consistency is important.  Also explain to her that every time she steps out of timeout area, the time starts over.  Perhaps have a clock or timer that she can see through her door. For morning routine  I would take away a privilege instead of time outs since that is more immediate in her head and does not take out time of getting ready.  Discipline is not meant to punish but to teach the child how to make better choices and self control.


I watched a little girl last year and OML you would think she was dying in time out . It was only 5 minutes.  As long as she stayed in the designated spot, I would ignore any commotion she made.  After the 5 minutes, she would be able to get out and apologize for the bad choice she made.  She had a horrible case of lying so that as well as temper tantrums got a time out.  Both girls would also lose the privilege of going to the park down the street since if they could not listen inside, I wasnt sure of their safety outside.

Laurmom
by New Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 6:21 PM
Please tell me, anyone, everyone: WHAT IS YOUR SIX YEAR OLD DAUGHTER LiKE? I feel alone in the world. I say to counselors, teachers, my elders I say "how come no one else's kid does this, how come they don't act like that, how come little Susie down the street is so sweet and kind?" And what they say to me is "we don't know what goes on behind closed doors". We do not know that the girls who appear sweet are like that all the time. But really, what is it really like behind closed doors? And how do you deal with the attitude or back talk or bratty conduct.
Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:44 PM

how is she at school? Is she doing well, is she behaving?

Many times kids who re overwhelmed at school will hold everythng in and save acting out for that one person they know is "safe" and will love them no mater what.

I would sart working on natural consequences and consistancy. Time out should be one minute for every year, restarting any time they get up.

Have you tried a reward system with her? (This worked really well with my VERY high strung ADHD DS) I would print out a picture chart with what needs to be done in the morning. You can get free clipart at microsoft office online or even take pictures of DD doing the actions.

  • get up with a good attitude - picture of a kit on a bed with a smile,  I always need an adjustment time, I can't have my alarm go off and jump out of bed. You may want a 5minute timer for this one too...
  • get your clothes on in 5 minutes-pic of kid getting dressed 
  • get your shoes on and come sit at the table for breakfast (5 minutes) - picure of a pair of shoes,
  • eat (15 minutes) - pic of fave breakfast food
  • brush your teeth  (3-5minutes), - toothbrush n toothpaste
  • jacket/ backpack on ready to go. - jacket/backpack

As she accomplishes each step she is allowed to put a star up. So many starts earn TV time, or a game with mom, or whatever she enjoys.  If she refuses, or is not done by a set time no star. There is no yelling, no fight about her not doing it, just no star. Then when she wans tv or whatever later it is a calm, "NO, look -you didnt earn your star today by ___ so you don't get TV today. Let us try again tomorrow! " 

 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Star Scout Ian 1/98, Scout Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

snowangel1979
by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:55 PM
I would have thrown the bat in the trash and grounded her for a week. You don't throw things like that.

With my children every time they get like and back talk, ect, I let them continue but I'll just calmly say No T.V (or grounded to room or whatever) one day, "pulse" two days, "pulse" three days, and keep adding days untill they drop the attitude.

If she doesn't put her shoes on in the morning give her a natural punishment, she walks without shoes or a coat or whatever.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)