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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

"Im afraid of being the only one in class without friends"

Posted by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 9:32 PM
  • 25 Replies

So yesterday I had a conference with DD's 1st grade teacher to see how the year was going, she said everything was good, socially she was doing fine, nothing stuck out to the teacher (a teacher of 20yrs), but that she did cry a lot and seemed sensitive...... My DD is sensitive, but I was kinda shocked to hear she cries a lot... Teacher said it was over small things...

I ask my DD and she denies it and says "no, I know not to do that in school" .... Hmm, makes no sense because I believe the teacher, why would she lie?.... But after a while, tears are in DDs eyes & she starts to tell me she DOES NOT cry in school but she is afraid she is going to end up with no friends and she has been giving her "tickets" to her "closest friend" so she doesnt lose her as a friend.

The girl is not threatening my DD, but begging for her tickets she gets in class so DD started giving them to her so the girl would stop asking.... (be good in class/do something special, collect tickets, get 10 tickets & you get to have something in the treasure box)..

I dont know why but ever since Kindergarten my DD has had problems with making friends in school, since Im not in school with her I dont know what to do & her Kinder & 1st grade teacher say she is doing fine socially ---- If she is doing fine socially why is my DD afraid of not having friends!!

Also the "popular" girl in the class has disliked my DD & been rude to her since the 1st day of kinder & Ive never understood why.. (My DD was taken out of normal classes & put into GATE classes the 2nd week of kinder, the 1st day my DD came home from GATE class "miss. popular" has been a name in my household for not being nice to DD)

I dont know what to do :( ..... Part of me says they are only in 1st grade, and by 3rd grade things will change A LOT.. But Im afraid, they could change for the good & DD could get a good small group of friends & love school.. Or DD could end up with no friends & hating school & learn to hate learning in the process & get down on herself...

Im at total loss. I have always been shy my whole life & stood back & waited for friends & never had problems making new friends in school... My DD is different, she is VERY social & talkative & wants to be friends with everyone so I have no clue how to help her because I know we are very different in that aspect.

(ok Ill stop. but my mommy heart is break & I cried along with my DD today. My heart hurts for her because I know she is a sensitive, caring person who just wants to be like all kids & be liked.)

by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 9:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PinkButterfly66
by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 9:46 PM

Maybe have her switch classrooms?  Next year for sure, make sure they're not in the same class together.

MustBNapTime
by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 9:55 PM

There is only 1 gifted class in the school.. If she changed classrooms she would be bored. :( And its not just 1 kid... There is the popular girl, then there is Aly who is begging for tickets & 2 other girls who for different reasons have issues with DD...

I know some of it is "girly drama" but its getting to where Im feeling anxious for DD daily, wondering how school is going & I know kids dont tell parents everything :(

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

Maybe have her switch classrooms?  Next year for sure, make sure they're not in the same class together.


Barabell
by Barbara on Oct. 5, 2013 at 10:38 PM
3 moms liked this

In 1st grade my son made most of his friends through extracurricular activities, like scouts and sports. It's great because they have the same interest and things to talk about. I would look for some activities outside of school and not worry so much if your daughter has classroom friends at this age.

In addition, I'd have a lot of friends about how real friends treat each other. Someone shouldn't like you just because you give them tickets. That's obviously not a real friend, but you need to explain this to your daughter. It's not something kids know instinctively. Parents need to talk about these kinds of things repeatedly with their kids to help the kids make good decisions on their own.

Evieandmollie
by New Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 10:49 PM

Start by having her invite the other girl over for play date.Moniter their behavior,get to know other girls parents.They are both in gifted so they have that I common.Start theremaybe a movie they both might  like.watch a video together. Think positive not negative.Your reactive will be obvious to your daughter even if you think not. 

theresaphilly
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 2:56 AM

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

Maybe have her switch classrooms?  Next year for sure, make sure they're not in the same class together.


aetrom
by Gold Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 4:06 AM
We started teaching my son how to make friends when he feels like he does not have any..... We do a tip a week. :) and i give him a chalkenge for the day.
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mjande4
by Platinum Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this


I agree with this 100%.  Also, you need to have a discussion with her about trying to "buy" friends.  She shouldn't be giving away her rewards to others.

Quoting Barabell:

In 1st grade my son made most of his friends through extracurricular activities, like scouts and sports. It's great because they have the same interest and things to talk about. I would look for some activities outside of school and not worry so much if your daughter has classroom friends at this age.

In addition, I'd have a lot of friends about how real friends treat each other. Someone shouldn't like you just because you give them tickets. That's obviously not a real friend, but you need to explain this to your daughter. It's not something kids know instinctively. Parents need to talk about these kinds of things repeatedly with their kids to help the kids make good decisions on their own.



Barabell
by Barbara on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:16 AM
4 moms liked this

I want to add that I completely disagree with asking the school to change classrooms over this. From what you described, it doesn't sound like she's being bullied. It's just an awkward social situation, but it can be a great learning experience for your daughter. 

About this age, I had a talk with my son. I asked him if he liked everyone in his class. His response was no. Then I said you can't expect everyone to like you either, and that's ok. What you should do instead of worrying about those that don't like you is to spend your time and energy on the kids that you do get along with.

It actually is absolutely OK that this "popular" girl doesn't like your daughter (if that truly is the case). Your daughter will make friends elsewhere. Help her with this process some instead of even considering just removing her from the class. IMO, that's overkill.

clairewait
by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:35 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm having a slightly similar issue with my 6yo, who attends a pretty small private school.


Switching classes or switching schools isn't really an option for us, but it wasn't our plan anyway.

My big thing is this. We simply cannot protect them from everything in life. All I can do is encourage her at home, pray for her while she's at school, and make sure she knows she's loved. 

I know my daughter is socially awkward. She just is. She comes by it honestly and completely genetically.

But my husband and I both figured it out at some point in life (probably college) and we not only survived, but turned out to be above average on the success scale, in life and in relationships.

So I just have to make myself not worry about it.

MIne is also sensitive and also cries a lot.

But she's only in 1st grade. I dont' even REMEMBER 1st grade, personally, so I just have to tell myself in the long run, likely there will be no permanent damage, as long as we keep encouraging and loving her at home.

Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

clairewait
by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:36 AM

Oh yes, I also try to regularly repeat to my daughter that you don't have to have lots of friends. Just one good one is actually enough.

Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

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