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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Help!! Suggestions needed for mother of controlling 5 yr old

Posted by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 8:39 PM
  • 12 Replies
We have a soon to be 6 year old Autistic son that has recently been showing very defiant behaviors when it comes to daily activities. He refuses to get dressed, eat, put his backpack on, brush teeth, etc without harping on him and bribing him. I know that it isn't completely strange to think some of this is age appropriate seeing as he has some delays, but it is soooo frustrating. Any ideas on how to reverse control? I do give him options and that helps some. Please help!
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 8:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MsLogansMommy
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Have you tried reward charts? I know sometimes kids will act up b/c they are seeking attention even if its bad attention so ignoring bad behavior (as long as it isn't serious matters) may help. Make sure you catch him being good praise the heck out of him when he is displaying the behaviors you are seeking and be very detailed in your praise such as: "I really liked the way you got dressed all by yourself this morning without me having to remind you. That made me very happy. Doesn't it feel good to be able to get dressed all by yourself what a very grown up (or mature or big boy or whatever word you think he would like to hear) thing to do." 

When he is misbehaving only give him an instruction once and then apply the consequences immediately if he doesn't comply. Consistency is probably the most important factor in getting a bad behavior to stop. Be consistent in your rules and always follow through on any threats ALWAYS. Never argue with your child you set the boundary and tell him what is expected of him and what will happen if he doesn't do it and then move on. Try telling him what you want him to do rather than what you dont want ie instead of saying "don't run in the house" try saying "Johnny we walk inside the house, you may run outside." 

Remember you are the parent you are in charge and whether they know it or not children need boundaries and by setting boundaries you are teaching self control and providing him with a safe predictable environment on which he can thrive. I love the saying by Fredrick Douglas "it is easier to raise strong children than to fix broken men" (I think that is how it goes I am quoting from memory here) Good luck 

wakymom
by Ruby Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:03 PM
1 mom liked this

 Don't be afraid to discipline him. Just b/c he has autism does not he cannot learn that doing X will result in Y happening.

 

 

 

cjsbmom
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:24 PM

He needs a daily routine that is consistent. 

Also, don't be afraid to discipline him. Rewards are great, but there also has to be consequences for defiant behavior. My son has high functioning autism, and he will push the limits of behavior if we don't make it clear there will be consequences for his actions. 

frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:24 PM

What are his consequences when he does not follow the daily routine?  Would he miss out on going to the park? Miss a video?  He is very smart I am sure so he knows if mommy or daddy will give up the behaviors will continue.  What is his emotional age given the delays?  I would tailor the rewards and consequences to that age rather than his biological age.  How verbal is he?

Andrewsmom70
by Gold Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:50 PM

I agree with the others, consequences need to be consistant and something that speaks to him in a way that will get his attention and help redirect his behavior. How do the teachers at school deal with it? What sort of behavior plan are they using and how is it working?

CJsMom752
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 6:51 AM

We have have a very consistent routine so there are no surprises. We have used timeouts, taking iPad away, not able to go play with his buddy, etc. none of it really phases him. He isn't passionate about anything enough to be effective. Some days he is great about everything, but most days he dawdles on every task. I am getting to the point that I feel I am bribing and/or threatening him too much. Just gets frustrating. It oesnt phase him a bit o get onthe bus in pajamas, have us walk out the door without him, etc.  He is soooo stubborn and controlling. Hoping the phase will pass as hs skills emerge. Maybe he is just avoiding tasks he hasn't mastered?


CJsMom752
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 6:54 AM

At school,  They have gotten to points daily where he just shuts down. They usually jut lessen the demands of the task or the whole day will be a mess. They feel it is a control issue as well?

cjsbmom
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 9:38 AM

Does he get sensory breaks?

Quoting CJsMom752:

At school,  They have gotten to points daily where he just shuts down. They usually jut lessen the demands of the task or the whole day will be a mess. They feel it is a control issue as well?


cjsbmom
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 9:39 AM


Quoting CJsMom752:

At school,  They have gotten to points daily where he just shuts down. They usually jut lessen the demands of the task or the whole day will be a mess. They feel it is a control issue as well?

I have to tell you that control is a huge issue for anyone on the spectrum. My 38 year old husband, who has Aspergers, will be outright defiant if he feels he isn't getting his way. It can be quite aggravating to see that kind of behavior from a grown man. It is part of the autism, but it doesn't  mean it should be tolerated. 

mommy053008
by Maria on Oct. 25, 2013 at 9:44 AM

I am no sure here is a bump. my DD loves going to school so we have no problem getting her dressed and ready to go. 

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