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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

How do I explain this to her? *UPDATE *

Posted by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 12:04 AM
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This is my 7 year old daughter Leila with her horse, Kally. My daughter is spending the weekend at Grandma and Bumpa's house. Kally died this morning. She was 28 years old and has had a good long life. I just don't know how I am going to break this to her when she gets home tomorrow. She is going to be devastated.

***UPDATE***: First of all, thank you all for your kind words and wonderful ideas. They are very much appreciated.

We broke the news to her Sunday when she got home. She bawled and bawled as I expected. We talked about how Kally was old, and how it was better for her to go then to suffer. How she was a lucky horse to be loved and how proud we were that Leila took such good care of her. Leila finally seemed to kind of come to terms with it.

We decided to make a "Kally Spot" in our flower garden next spring. I am going to look for a horse garden statue and let her pick some flowers to put there. She also started working on a drawing of her. She has a little diary so I also encouraged her to write about her favorite memories and feelings.

She does understand death, we have a dairy farm so she's been around when we've lost cows before. This is just the first time it was a personal pet. I wasn't sure if the cows would of helped prepare her or not. All in all I think she has been a real trooper.
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 12:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mom2Tabitha
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 12:12 AM

Had the horse been ill, slowing down due to age?  Reminding her of that and then letting her know gently that it is ok to be upset and miss her horse.  You will miss her too. Let her do something to honor the horse's memory. Have her think of the good times with Kally and remind her she will have those memories forever.  A family memorial service where you each share favorite memories is not inappropriate and can help her say goodbye. 

LeilaBeansMom
by Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 12:17 AM
Yeah. She's been slowing down for about 6 months now. We knew at her age it could happen anytime. It just seemed sudden. I fed her her grain last night and she ate it all and seemed fine. and I went out to give her morning grain and she was just gone.
I like your memorial idea. I think we will do that. This is the first pet loss she will go through. Thank you.


Quoting Mom2Tabitha:

Had the horse been ill, slowing down due to age?  Reminding her of that and then letting her know gently that it is ok to be upset and miss her horse.  You will miss her too. Let her do something to honor the horse's memory. Have her think of the good times with Kally and remind her she will have those memories forever.  A family memorial service where you each share favorite memories is not inappropriate and can help her say goodbye. 

Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 12:59 AM
You cqnt mqke ot easier. She needs to be told, she needs to grieve. Everyone grieves in their pwn way.

A memorial of some kind is nice. Maybe making a donation in the horse's name to a rescue would be good.

Just talk to your dd and support her.
cjsbmom
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 11:51 AM

That is so hard. I'm sorry for your daughter's loss. Our animals here are like family members. We have a cat right now (he's 11) who is diabetic. We have him on insulin, but it doesn't seem to be working well. I am pretty sure his days are numbered, and it's going to kill my son, because that cat is his buddy. 

I like the first poster's suggestion of having a family memorial for the horse. 

You might also want to visit the Rainbow Bridge website. They have a place for online memorials. That might be a nice thing to let your daughter create one for Kally. 


cjsbmom
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 11:52 AM


Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

You cqnt mqke ot easier. She needs to be told, she needs to grieve. Everyone grieves in their pwn way.

A memorial of some kind is nice. Maybe making a donation in the horse's name to a rescue would be good.

Just talk to your dd and support her.

That's an awesome idea as well. 

mommy053008
by Maria on Nov. 10, 2013 at 12:50 PM

Oh man I've never had to deal with anything like this. I know your daughter will be heart broken any time one of my animals died when we were little my parents told us all together (had 3 brothers/sisters). It was painful, but it is a good teaching tool about life and death.

Good luck and keep us updated.

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Karen_S
by Bronze Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 2:34 PM

There is a really good book called "Lifetimes" for kids, by Robert Ingpen. Explains it really well. 

happymommy1105
by Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 2:41 PM
i mean it is the natural order of things. we get old and weak and die. that's life. for every living thing. i would just sit her down and tell her. i would let her have her time to grieve and then move forward.
Mrs.Madsen
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Just try your best to explain these things happen in life . She was older and it was her time to pass . If she was sick explain there was nothing more that could have been done . Take her out for ice cream or a little her time . My dad has had horses that my son road all the time and could by his self even at very a very young age . My son had a paint horse that was everything to him . He was about 3 or 4 when he passed . I took him for ice cream and road some back roads ( because he wanted to ) so he didn't see the horse be put down and placed in a grave . We had to explain to him how sick his horse was and told him he went to live with Jesus and our family and other horses we have lost . And that his horse would never be sick again . That his horse would be watching over him everytime he stepped into a saddle . He still thinks of him all the time . He even has 2 toy horses that looks just like his paint horse .
soymujer
by Mikki on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:25 PM

I'm sorry for your loss of your horse.  Things like this isn't easy to tell children.  I'd use it as a life cycle lesson.

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