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Advice Needed: Type your question for our moms to answer I HAVE...

Posted by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:34 AM
  • 10 Replies

 I HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD ! SHE IN 1ST GRADE BUT AT SCHOOL TEACHER HAS NO PROBLEMS WITH HER ! BUT AT HOME ITS CRAZY! SHE SCREAMS WHEN SHE DONT GET HER WAY,KICKS, HITS AND CALLS OUT NAMES UNCONTROLABLE AT TIMES !! WHAT SHOULD I DO ? I TALKED TO DR. HE DIDNT REALLY SAY MUCH! IT SEEMS AS IF I DONT KNOW HER WHEN SHE GETS LIKE THAT!

by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:34 AM
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Mom2Tabitha
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:50 AM
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What do you usually do when she acts like that?  If you eventually give in, you are reinforcing that behavior and it WILL be repeated.  Because it worked; she got her way.  If it NEVER works, it will eventually stop. If throwing a fit has worked in the past to get her way, it will take longer for it to end...but barring any psychological problems, it will.

When she throws a fit...where is she allowed to do it?  My daughter was able to throw a fit if she wanted to.  Releasing anger and frustration should be allowed.  But she had to do it ALONE in her room. Without an audience, it is not worth the effort.  

Since she can control herself at school, it most likely has to do with pushing your buttons and trying to control her life to her advantage.  It will take a while to change, but be consistent.  Talk to her and make sure she knows the rules and what will happen if they are not kept. 

Things like:

Mommy will not put up with fits and namecalling.  If you do that, do it alone in your room.  If you do it elsewhere you will be reminded to go to your room, after that reminder you will have consequences of......(and let her know what).

NEVER threaten anything you are not willing to do.  You WILL be tested and you MUST follow through with what you said or you have lost all credibility AND the behavior will continue.

If changing YOUR behavior doesn't change hers, you may need to set up an appointment with a counselor or therapist to determine what the real issues are and develop a plan to make life more enjoyable with her.

Good luck! Elaine 

Madisonsmommy1
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:50 AM
Mine is the same way. She hasn't did the whole name calling or hitting. I Feel like I am gonna go crazy. Her lil brother is acting out now too.
Bleacher-mom
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 3:19 AM

What do you do for punishment?

meam4444
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 11:45 AM

 I agree with mom2tabitha.  And, consistency is key too.  My six year old will go through phases like this too, and eventually, she does shape up and is better.  We also talk about it after she has settled down and she is in a better mood on why her behavior was unacceptable.

Good luck!

meam4444
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 11:58 AM

 This just popped into my head too, but I was at a parenting conference a few weekends ago with experts and such.  And, one of them talked about how kids mimic their parents when they are stressed.  It totally made sense.  I find my kids do similar things when they don't get their way or have something which is stressing them.  So, I have tried to take different approaches to different scenarios, and I have seen some improvement. 

Pukalani79
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:00 PM

 Is it when she's first home from school or all the time? My daughter would change almost as soon as she walked in the door.  Turned out that she has anxiety and she'd keep the stress ofschool bottled up inside only to explode as soon as she got home.  She's been in counseling for two years and it has helped tremendously for both of us to learn what to do to help keep her from spiraling out of control

megs2boys
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:56 PM

You just described my 6 year old, 1st grade son to a "T". He is star of the classroom, teachers pet, A+ student.....a home, he is is angry, yells, and tantrums like a 2 year old. We never give in, his behavior is neved reinforced, it is always punished and so far nothing has been a "quick fix". I am glad that he is an angel at school and saves his outbursts for home, but it is very frustrating. We have recently enrolled him in Kung Fu and so far he really enjoys it and it gives him an oulet for his frustration and helps him learn self control.

emarin77
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 2:52 PM

If she hits, kicks and calls out names, a time out is in order.  She needs to learn to use her words, "I'm angry instead."  Put her in time out the number of years she is.  First tell her once she is sitting why she is sitting down and that we use our words, I"m angry, we do not hit.  At the end of time out you repeat what you say when you first have her seating down.  You repeatedly have to use time outs and teaching until she uses her words.  My son had this problem too.  Within a year my son was using his words by using this technique.

soymujer
by Mikki on Nov. 25, 2013 at 4:15 PM

Get a discipline policy in order and stick with it.  Set up a behavior chart and she earns a privlege or something after being good or something.

family in the van   Mom of four


StephanieSH
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 9:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Oftentimes kids can hold it together all day at school and then release every negative emotion they have when they walk in the front door because they know it's safe there.  Don't try to punish her in the middle of a tantrum.  It will only escalate it.  Ignore the tantrum and when she's finished, then talk to her about what happened and the consequnces.  

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