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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Advice Needed: How can I stop feeling guilty for having adult type fun...

Posted by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:30 PM
  • 24 Replies

My children are 10 and 7, and very smart and mature for their age.  We always have tons of fun together because they get things that should be beyond their years.  However, there comes a time  when adults need to be adults with other full sized adults.  When we go out they used to stay with family and I always felt guitly if I did something with out them.  I always feel that I am being sefish and unfair.  I know that adult time is necessary, so how can I relax and just enjoy it???  I have to figure it out soon, because my hubby wants a nice quiet and relaxing evening with me ALONE, but I can't get past myself!!!!

by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mickstinator
by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 8:06 PM
1 mom liked this

i would suggest small spurts doing something active to help you keep your mind off of them and remember how enjoyable it can be to do things that your children can't. once you're a mom, it's hard to turn off the mom awareness, kwim? 

i work full time, so i know how hard it is to adjust to that. i also have incredibly helpfu and involved family that often watches the boys. it was really tough at the beginning to just relax and enjoy myself without hearing phantom cries in my mind, but eventually, it was easier to just take advantage of my little bit of time as me the wife or friend or whatever hat i wanted to wear besides mom.

mommy053008
by Maria on Dec. 22, 2013 at 8:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Good luck I still feel that way mine are 5&2
Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 9:46 PM
3 moms liked this
That is one problem I have never had.


I know I love my kids, I know I put them first ALL the time, so taking time for me is not a guilty thing.

They will have their adult experiences when it is their time.

In short..get over it!

I must add, I had a friend with a similar attitude. At the time her kids were 16,13, & 10. She wanted to be her kid's pal more than a parent. She took them everywhere @@. Once she brought her, then 16yo DD, to an adult party and got her drunk, thinking it was cute. Her kids take liberties like cussing at her, calling her a f'ing b as if she were one of their friends. If she DID leave them home, they called every freakng 15 minutes. After the alcohol incident, I refused to hang out with her. Her son was just.in a court mandated teen boot camp program.

This is what happens when you don't treat kids like kids, or don't do adult things with adults.
steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Sorry but you just go out and have adult fun without them. They are children and shouldn't expect to do everything that you do. The longer that you put it off, the harder that it will be.

My children are very important to me but there is more to me than just being their mother. I didn't give up my life when I had children and I certainly don't want to wake up one day with grown children and wonder who I am. KWIM?
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Dodie702
by Doriane on Dec. 22, 2013 at 10:32 PM
You need time to be without your kids. All of us do. Don't feel guilty about taking a break every now and then.
huskermom98
by Silver Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 11:04 PM

You are not being selfish, get over it and go out!  My boys love it when I am gone for a weekend scrapbooking because they get to do extra fun stuff with Dad--they also love it when DH & I have date nights because that means their most favorite person in the world is coming over to babysit...

modernmomskills
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 12:40 AM


Quoting steelcrazy: Sorry but you just go out and have adult fun without them. They are children and shouldn't expect to do everything that you do. The longer that you put it off, the harder that it will be.

My children are very important to me but there is more to me than just being their mother. I didn't give up my life when I had children and I certainly don't want to wake up one day with grown children and wonder who I am. KWIM?

I really do, thank you.  I need to hear it bluntly before it can sink in.  I spend half my time afraid I am going to lose myself and half the time afraid my kids won't get what they need from me.  I overthink way too much about everything.  Thanks!

modernmomskills
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 12:48 AM


Quoting Jinx-Troublex3: That is one problem I have never had.


I know I love my kids, I know I put them first ALL the time, so taking time for me is not a guilty thing.

They will have their adult experiences when it is their time.

In short..get over it!

I must add, I had a friend with a similar attitude. At the time her kids were 16,13, & 10. She wanted to be her kid's pal more than a parent. She took them everywhere @@. Once she brought her, then 16yo DD, to an adult party and got her drunk, thinking it was cute. Her kids take liberties like cussing at her, calling her a f'ing b as if she were one of their friends. If she DID leave them home, they called every freakng 15 minutes. After the alcohol incident, I refused to hang out with her. Her son was just.in a court mandated teen boot camp program.

This is what happens when you don't treat kids like kids, or don't do adult things with adults.

That is not the relationship we have.  I don't take them anywhere except like the store or the park.  I go to work and it doesn't bother me.  I have just kind of stopped my social life because I felt that raising my kids took precedence over anything else, even my wants and needs.  I have let this consume me  until the only people I go to for advice are random strangers.  The advice was great, maybe I can figure out how to handle motherhood, and real friends. Thanks!

Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 1:08 AM

 Your description of taking them places that aren't age appropriate is what lead me to share this...I can see you heading that way if you don't get your own friends and interests.

modernmomskills:

 

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3: That is one problem I have never had.


I know I love my kids, I know I put them first ALL the time, so taking time for me is not a guilty thing.

They will have their adult experiences when it is their time.

In short..get over it!

I must add, I had a friend with a similar attitude. At the time her kids were 16,13, & 10. She wanted to be her kid's pal more than a parent. She took them everywhere @@. Once she brought her, then 16yo DD, to an adult party and got her drunk, thinking it was cute. Her kids take liberties like cussing at her, calling her a f'ing b as if she were one of their friends. If she DID leave them home, they called every freakng 15 minutes. After the alcohol incident, I refused to hang out with her. Her son was just.in a court mandated teen boot camp program.

This is what happens when you don't treat kids like kids, or don't do adult things with adults.

That is not the relationship we have.  I don't take them anywhere except like the store or the park.  I go to work and it doesn't bother me.  I have just kind of stopped my social life because I felt that raising my kids took precedence over anything else, even my wants and needs.  I have let this consume me  until the only people I go to for advice are random strangers.  The advice was great, maybe I can figure out how to handle motherhood, and real friends. Thanks!

 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/982nd Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

want10more
by Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 2:25 AM

you really tried to justify yourself. you were defensive right off the bat. why? WHY is it so terribly bad to spend hubby time w/ your hubby? i really think you are being too hard on yourself. think of it this way: if you don't ever get some mommy/'daddy time just for each other... then there could come a time when your relationship could suffer for it. he's a daddy sure, but he's also a man that wants and needs his WOMAN. and if your relationship suffered, then wouldn't that hurt the kids more? go ahead, put on a lbd, wear your hooker heels and be your man's woman for a night out on the town. know that the kids'll have FUN with a trusted sitter. hell, get drunk (if the sitter stays), dance crazy, have ugly monkey pig sex when you get home. be your man's woman. and in the morning, have fun w/ the lil drunken monkey trolls that'll probably crawl into your bed! you CAN be a momma and a woman too!

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