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9yr old stepson having school problems

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:16 AM
  • 16 Replies
My stepson who is 9 lives with us full time (along with his 8yr old sister and 7 yr old brother).
He is having trouble in school - not passing in assignments, not giving us tests ect ... That need to be signed because of poor grade, lying about homework and projects he has.
I've tried things like he has to have the teacher sign off on his agenda before he leaves school, so I will know what going on - but he somehow still manages to mess up.
Me and his dad have different ideas on consequences- I was wondering what others thought.
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:16 AM
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steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:44 AM
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 I would suggest setting up some consequences like loss of certain privileges for those offenses.  No tv, computer time, electronics, no friends over/going to friends houses until homework is done.  That is the standing rule in my house.  If they lie about homework, tests, projects, etc, then they lose a privilege for that day and typically the next day for a first offense.  If it is something on going, they may lose the privilege for a week. 

You may also want to try rewarding the good behavior that you want.  If you have a week of doing homework, tests, projects, etc like you are supposed to, then you get a movie night on Friday.  Or something along those lines.  Keep the rewards simple, a movie at home with snacks that aren't typically available is more than good enough.  Change up the rewards to keep them desirable.  Family game night is also a very popular reward in my house.  As is ice cream sundae making, my kids love to get creative with the toppings.

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 9:03 AM
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Until everyone is on the same page, i.e. the father, not much you do will help.  I would suggest the three of you sitting down and discussing expectations and then consequences together.  Make it a united front.  

Knormile
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 9:32 AM
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Thank you! We started off exactly that way... 1st few offenses, we did small consequences and then started extending the times that we took away - Xbox, computer ect.
This time I think we should keel him back from going on a field trip with his class. To me.... If he can't be responsible for his shcool work and is being very dishonest then he shouldn't have the privilege of the fun stuff ( ie - class field trip)
This is where his Dad disagrees and thinks he has been looking forward to it and we should let him go, but isn't a consequence supposed to be just that... And it should be something that will help him think twice for now on.
Thoughts??
2-point-doe
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:16 AM
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 I would agree with the no field trip as long as he knows that it is a consequence up front so its his choice. My son (now 24) got in trouble at school and lost his halloween privledges at school and therefore lost trick or treating too. (i was bummed that he did not get to wear his costume at all that year)

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:21 AM
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 No field trip is a wonderful consequence, you have to make sure that he understands that the loss of the field trip is due to his behavior.  Field trips are privileges not rights.  Maybe losing something big like a field trip will be exactly what he needs to turn things around.

At our school, if you are missing work, tests, etc. then you can not go on the field trip.

StephanieSH
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:57 AM
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I think the lying has to be dealt with but different kids have different executive functioning skills and some kids just need more help than others. I use post it reminders for my son and have him right rinser notes to himself to keep in his binder to remind him to turn things in or bring them home. He might really be struggling and the lying may be because he's tired of hearing lectures and getting in trouble for something he may not have to tools to correct.
mommy053008
by Maria on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this
He needs consequences TV would be the first To go.
joann567
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:19 PM
1 mom liked this

take away things he likes to do for a couple of weeks and get him to understand why your doing it.

kmrtigger
by Kandice on Jan. 8, 2014 at 7:22 PM

I have to agree with the other ladies, they gave great advice and tips. Good luck with this.

Knormile
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 7:30 PM
Thanks everyone!
I love this site! So interesting :)
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