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Secret Facebook Account Messages Shattered My Heart

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:39 AM
  • 39 Replies

I don't normally post for questions or advice, but I am heartbroken. I just found out my 11 year old daughter has a Facebook account.  I logged on to my computer this evening & found her FB account still logged in.  The messages that have transpired over the last few days sicken me.  There is a boy messaging her about "being under the covers & making a baby" & blowjobs. Ugh.......I'm disgusted at the type of behavior in 11 year old children.  I must say my daughter didn't reply with any sexual comments, just the winking emoticons......which are bad enough for me. After I read the messages I immediately sent a form to FB to have the account permanently deleted.  I haven't heard back from them yet. 

The other part the really breaks my heart is the messages that transpired between the boy's ex-girlfriend & my daughter.  They were bashing each other. She was telling my daughter how she was going to end up pregnant by the time she was 13..........& my daughter responded "you never know". How do I handle this??!!  I've spoken to her numerous times about her reputation. I truly thought my warnings about behavior, reputation, and social media had worked.

I have always been the parent who promised her children she wouldn't snoop through their private diary's and text messages. This is partially because my mother did it to me & I was completely traumatized.  If I ever thought my children were in danger or lying to me, I would definitely snoop; however, they have never given me reason to believe they were.  I occasionally check my 16 year old son's FB, Twitter, & texts, but he doesn't even pretend to have anything to hide. My daughter is an extremely well-behaved, straight A student.  I never, never saw this coming!!!!  I know I shouldn't be naive.  I am just sick, sick, sick!!!!!!  How do I handle this without overreacting & creating a much larger issue. How much of this is typical pre-teen behavior? Omg, I don't know how to recover..............  

by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:39 AM
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by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:03 AM

I should far as "checking up" on my children goes, I know all of my 16 year old's passwords or he willingly gives them to me if I ask.  My 11 yo daughter's FB page I'm referring to, I was completely unaware of.  She knew I would be totally against it.

by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:07 AM

 I don't know momma!

((((( HUGS )))))

by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs to you.   This would have severe consequences in my house since TOS states 13 yrs old I believe for facebook accounts as a minimum age.   I would talk to her again about risky behaviors and being around peers that make poor choices.  It sounds like this boy has a poor reputation as well and of course will eat up that the girls are attacking each other over him.

by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:07 AM

As you can imagine, I was up all night.........just tortured!!!!  I still havent thought of an appropriate action or approach.  She does have a dentist appoinment today, so I'm going to use the "alone time" wisely & talk to her about boys and social media again. I'm still in utter shock & disbelief.  I never thought this would happen with her, out of all my children.  Thank you so much for the responses.  I couldn't dare explain this to my mother & too embarrassed to speak to my friends.  This is such a wonderful place for support!!!!    

by Maria on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:11 AM
You should bring it up to your close friends. They know you and your daughter better than we do and could possibly come up with a better solution. I can't even imagine how sticky this subject is however I would be telling her that you will be monitoring computer time.
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:24 AM
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Is it possible for her dad ,brother or another male family member to talk with her. It wouldn't hurt for her to hear what boys really say about little girls from a guy.


Seven in 10 girls believe they're not good enough or do not measure up to their peers or family members, reports a writer on the website This is especially important considering 75 percent of girls with low self-esteem reported having eating disorders and engaging in negative activities such as cutting, bullying, smoking or drinking.

 Girls who have a strong relationship with their father are less likely to suffer from depression and low-self esteem and are more likely to delay sexual activity and refrain from drug use, stated a writer. This means fathers are in a unique position to help boost their daughters' self-esteem.

Read more:

by Emerald Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:53 AM

 I don't know what I'd say exactly, but I do know that we'd be having a talk about responsibility, following rules, lying, sex, relationships (which an 11 year old shouldn't have IMO), reputation,etc.  I would also be letting her know that she is grounded from the computer/internet for a few weeks at the very least.  I most likely would take away a fun activity/event from her for lying to me because lying gets punished harder.  Yes, she lied by not telling you about the FB account.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:55 AM

She needs some counseling ASAP.  She also needs to have some instruction on the perils of the internet, and most schools/community centers/police have seminars.  Contact them.  In addition, if you know who this boy is, contact his parents and make it abundantly clear that you will have him charged if he comes near your daughter.  Good luck!

by Mikki on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:57 AM

Sending out hugs.  I don't know what to tell you as I've never dealt with this.  All my kids knew the rule was they couldn't get one till they were 13 and when they did, we were there with them to open the account.  Like you, we have passwords and such.  Only problem I have is that my daughter doesn't want to tell us the password and when she does, she'll change it.  I'm about ready to delete her account.

family in the van   Mom of four

by Tammy on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:57 AM
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 I would start by making sure all computers are in a "high traffic" area of your home. No phones, computers, or devices that connect to the internet in her room- all out in the open and you can come look over her shoulder often and whenever you want. She's severely broken your trust- but even more than that, she has begun the process of behaviors that put her health/safety at risk. She's only 11 and it's perfectly reasonable that she doesn't have complete privacy while she's on the internet. A diary, writing her thought and not interacting with others is one thing- the internet is a whole different ball game.

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