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Co parenting problems

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 4:48 PM
  • 10 Replies
Hello everyone ;)
My name is Heather, my live in boyfriend and I don't always see eye to eye when it comes to picking punishment for the kidos.
My son is 3 and his son is 6.
His 6 year old jake has some behavioral issues that we are still working on. He recently got suspended from school for 3 days for acting out in class and not listening to the teacher, keep in mind this is not his first suspension. Dustin decided that Jakes punishment would be grounding to his bedroom for those 3 days with no electronics (tv and videos games ect..) but could still play with all his toys as long as he stayed in his room. I personally feel that if I as a child could stay home and play with my toys all day instead of going to school I might get suspended more often. I don't know. Anyway to get to my point... my question is what do you personally think of his punishment choice and if it were your kids what would you do differently??
Any and all input is greatly appreciated
Love a frustrated step mom lol
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 4:48 PM
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 5:37 PM

If my DD ever got suspended from school she would be doing school work at home (pages printed from the internet, reading and writing, math problems etc.) it would not be a free pass. There would be no toys, electronics, tv at all.

by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 5:41 PM
Grounding is from anything fun. Then to get back any privileges they have to do chores for the 3 days. Also either a full verbal or written apologetic what they did wrong and how they are going to correct this in the future
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 5:57 PM

 If mine ever get suspended, they would be doing whatever schoolwork they could at home and probably doing chores. No tv, no video games, no computer except what's needed for schoolwork, no toys. They might get to read something of their choice after doing schoolwork and chores.

We own a small snack bar-type coffee shop, so helping w/ that would probably be part of it, too. Stuff like going shopping w/ dh for the stuff we sell besides coffee, wiping off tables and counters. Ds1, since he's almost 15, might end up working w/o pay behind the counter (normally we pay him to do so).






by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 6:11 PM

When suspended that means no toys no playing LOTS of SCHOOL WORK  everything needed for class PLUS whatever I can get off line.  Extra chores etc.

Ds was suspended a few times a few years ago.  We ended up doing a Behavioral Plan with the school BUT I also ended up going in to the school (or actually I let my mom talk) and we had a major talk about what was and wasn't suspendable offenses and the purpose of suspending and how really being at home (as miserable as we were trying to make it) was still a way for him to escape school.  

So they started doing some indoor and really looking at what was going on.  They still don't have it quite right but ... its much better.  And ds stopped acting up (yes there were other things we did too) BUT it was a big deal that he figured out acting up wasn't going to get him what he wanted. 

by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 6:14 PM

But YES you and "dh" need to talk about rules and consequences OUT OF THE WAY... and come tog. on the same page.  I'd also STRONGLY suggest looking for some Parent Training classes in your area or family therapy where you guys can talk out, plan, and even find support from others.  


by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 12:53 AM

If the 6 year old is having that much difficulty in school, is he also in any kind of counseling or therapy? THAT would be my first concern. Trying to get to the root of the problem. 

But as far as punishments go...if my child were suspended for three days, they would study and do extra chores for those three days. No electronics of any kind, no playing with toys in the room, no going out to play with friends or having friends come over to the room, etc. Just study and work. And depending on what the offense was, I may have something extra to add. 

But I know what you's hard here too sometimes. My fiance babies all the kids (even mine), he acts hard for a minute and then gives in. It drives me nuts when he does that. 

by Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 12:57 AM

I personally would never keep a child that young "locked" away in his room, by himself (or herself) for 3 days with very very litte interaction with anyone else.  If my almost 6 year old was suspended from school, he would be cleaning house.  If he's not doing to work at school, then he's for damn sure gonna work at home.  I'm a SAHM and he would follow ME all day and do what *I* do.  Bathrooms, laundry, vacuum, shopping, etc.  He would not be home having fun for 3 days.

by Maria on Jan. 24, 2014 at 8:15 AM

They'd be doing some type of school work and would be grounded to their room no toys or anything and doing chores. No TV no anything fun. 

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by Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 8:16 AM

My son had alot of behavioral problems around that age too.  He was suspended multiple times and everytime he was, I made him WISH he was in school. 

He would come to work with me and be bored out of his mind.  If he was home with me, he was washing the bathtub, cleaning the toilets, etc. 

When he had a good week, he would be rewarded also.  Usually with a lego or matchbox car.

Has your SS been assessed?  If this is an ongoing issue you should consider having him evaluated.  Mine was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder).  He got OT, which helped him tremendously and has had zero issues at school now at age 8.

by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 11:22 AM
He would not be having a free pass. With him being 6, he should not be getting suspended. They should not be getting suspended at any age, especially 6
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