Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

switching from private to public - long...

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2014 at 8:59 AM
  • 16 Replies

Currently both kids (7 & 6) are in a small private school.  It is a great school and up until this year I have really loved my 7 yr olds teachers.  this year she ended up with an older teacher who is less maternal than her past two teachers.

DD is nearly 8 and in 2nd grade.  She has been diagnosed with adhd (inattention), suffers from anxiety, diagnosed with a severe depressive disorder and has a low working memory.  She excels in reading and vocab  but if you give her an AR test on those books she won't remember...

This didn't all come out until this time last year and her first grade teacher was wonderful with her.  Then last summer she tried to kill herself and is now under the care of a psychiatrist and is in counseling.

Quite frankly I was surprised the school didn't ask her to leave - I know they have in the past of students requiring help.

We sat down with the heads of school, both 2nd grade teachers, the counselor and the "resource" teacher to come up with an accomodation plan for her. Which I thought was great - it allowed for extra time for writing assignments, if she masters a concept no further repetition.

she also has major food allergies and they have been wonderful to accomodate that too without having a 504 in place - the school just takes care of her without questions..

However things are starting to unravel, my once super smart girl is struggling... I had emailed her teacher on Thursday this week to let her know that DD couldn't do her math and despite me explaining it (counting on for subtraction) she just couldn't get it.  In a second email I had asked if she was showing more signs of anxiety at school (Monday she wet herself at school and that day came home and cried on the floor about not being able to keep up)

Her first response back was to stop her from carrying on, the second email said "Like I said she is struggling to keep up in all subjects" - she said no such thing to me and infact at teacher conferences the week before she made no mention of this and I doubt in one week this has happened.

My other son is super smart too and on the other extreme probably isn't getting enough to challenge him - mind you he is only in K but well above everyone across the board.

My husband is against homeschooling which was what I wanted to do.  If I switched them both to public both may benefit - there are gifted programs if my son qualifies and my daughter could get a 504 and IEP if necessary and there would be school psychologist.

However we would have to apply to get them into a smaller elementary school that we are just out of zone for but the size would be better for DD  but gifted classes don't start until 2nd - or a larger one with gifted classes that start from K but I think DD would be lost and overwhelmed.

They would no longer be learning a second language in school but I guess that is minor.

Her psychiatrist has just increased her Vyvanse to see if that will help but we are not telling her teacher...just yet anyway. 

sorry this is long but I wonder if my DD would benefit from switching to public - my son would have to anyway as i can't have my kids split over counties and DD would think she had done something wrong.

If you have made it to the end of this thank you!!


by on Feb. 9, 2014 at 8:59 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2014 at 9:25 AM
If your son is happy there and doing well, why move him? I know it's more convenient to have them in the same school but their needs seem to be very different.

Your DD may do better in public school as she will have a wealth of resources available to her (I say that based on my own experience, I know all districts are different). That said, it could be that the particular teacher she has just isn't a good fit for her (it happens in public school too). Not all of her teachers will be maternal and that's OK; she needs good teachers, not maternal ones. With her other issues, will she be able to handle the change to a new school?
There are a lot of factors to weigh here. JMO but I would sort out DD's situation first.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Maria on Feb. 9, 2014 at 9:28 AM
If you feel its best then do it they are your kids and you are the only one who would know what's best for them. I have my DD in private school and she loves it, but if her school wasn't able to accomadate (she has no special needs) I would definitely rethink where she is currently attending. However my husband and I both went to her school (k-12) so I know they'd do everything in their power to keep her. If your child is struggling with this teacher it doesn't mean she will have that same experience next year.
by on Feb. 9, 2014 at 9:51 AM

thank you

I think she would be okay switching - especially to a small one.  She has only one good friend and she got held back last year and that has affected her tremendously - so much that sometimes she is allowed to take an early lunch to be able to spend time with this girl. Invites to birthday parties are rare and she never gets invited to a playdate so socially she wouldn't be losing anything. 



by on Feb. 9, 2014 at 9:55 AM

If she can't handle a small private school, public school will be worse. However, it sounds like you have to go through the options before your dh will let you home school your dd. 

by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2014 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this

In my opinion you need to treat each child differently. They aren't a "packaged deal". Your daughter needs a lot of help so that is where I would focus right now. As for your son, don't assume that just because he's "advanced" in kindergarten that he should or will qualify for gifted services. Too many moms think that their young ones are way more advanced than they are. Just keep encouraging him and if he really is as smart as you think he is, then he will be recognized accordingly .

by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2014 at 10:58 AM

Treat each kid individually.  Do what is best for EACH one (as much as you are able) regardless of the other.  To be honest outside a few really awesome programs I haven't seen to much that is so great about "gifted" classrooms.  IF he is more challenged and you like the private school overall leave him there for now and apply for the smaller school for dd.  

However, please research them (smaller may or may not be better).  

Each child has their own needs. Meet them at their level as much as you can.

by on Feb. 9, 2014 at 11:15 AM

 I know how difficult it can be having your children in two different types of schools. But like others have said, you need to do what's best for each of them individually. My daughter also wanted to kill herself at 8.  We ended up having to pull her out and homeschool in order to help focus on her mental/emotional health.  It's a hard/terrifying place to be in.  ((HUGS)) Good luck!

by Gwen on Feb. 9, 2014 at 12:50 PM

I dont think I'd give up on the private school for your DD just yet.  I would try working with them more to see if they can give her the help she needs.  Would it be possible to switch her to the other 2nd grade teacher? Would that teacher be better able to help her?

Also keep in mind that the public school might have a harder time with the food allergies.  I know here, at least, my son's private school does a better job with his gluten intolerance than the public schools would (or could).  I would definitely talk to the public school about the food allergies & what they are able to do before switching.

by on Feb. 9, 2014 at 2:33 PM


I was just trying to avoid splitting them up. She relies heavily on him because of the lack of friends and I think am not sure she will cope if separated. I was just hoping to find a solution where both might benefit.


by Maria on Feb. 9, 2014 at 3:04 PM

Perhaps having her brother not to fall back on might help. I would definitely rethink home schooling and if not I would really, really try and see if the school would help you. Again you know your child best, but I really feel for you as this is a hard decision to make! Good luck! 

Quoting kiwimom74:


I was just trying to avoid splitting them up. She relies heavily on him because of the lack of friends and I think am not sure she will cope if separated. I was just hoping to find a solution where both might benefit.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)