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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

lying? help!

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:26 PM
  • 23 Replies
My 6 yr old dd would rather tell a lie than tell the truth lately. she lies about serious things as well as insignificant things. what is a good punishment for lying?
by on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Proud.mama.of2
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:38 PM
bump?
mommy053008
by Maria on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:39 PM
Here's a bump maybe you will get some good advice
m0mmy0ftw02012
by on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:40 PM

 mine is the same way lately.. we do corners and/or no tv for a week.. good luck

UpSheRises
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:42 PM
People usually lie because they are afraid of the consequences. If shesgoing to get punished either way she'll probably continue to take her chances with the lie. Big stuff, small stuff...she just has a different perspective.

Rather than focus on the consequence of lying id focus on the consequences of telling the truth to discover the root of the behavior.
Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:46 PM
Lying is a very serious issue in my house! The punishment depends on the age of the child and the severity of the issue.

I have done everything from a simple apology, to writing lines to spanking.

I have even told the chile I would do something, then didnt do it amd said,"Oh, I lied...How did YOU like it? What did being lied to feel like?" Yeah..that got results!
Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:49 PM
The consequences will be 5x worse if I catch you in a lie. Screw coddling a kid in hopes they tell you the truth. The truth is expected!

Quoting UpSheRises: People usually lie because they are afraid of the consequences. If shesgoing to get punished either way she'll probably continue to take her chances with the lie. Big stuff, small stuff...she just has a different perspective.

Rather than focus on the consequence of lying id focus on the consequences of telling the truth to discover the root of the behavior.
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:53 PM
1 mom liked this

The consequence should fit the crime. I would need some examples of what she is lying about before giving a punishment.

mom2jessnky
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 7:01 PM

Usually if my kids lie the punishment is much worse for lying than it would have been for whatever the infraction was.

Best example I have is a couple months back I got an email from my oldest DD's teacher saying that instead of using the computer in class for what she was supposed to be doing she was looking up cat pictures on the internet and when other students told her to stop she said she could do whatever she wanted. Dh and I approach her about this "I got an email that you think you can do whatever you want at school and instead of researching your project you were looking up cat pictures" she flat out freaking lies and goes "No I wasn't"  So I say "So your teacher is lying? He doesn't strike me as the lying type" she then goes "I was looking up DOG pictures, not cat pictures" the point remains that you weren't supposed to be doing that. So she got in trouble at school, she got yelled at by me for lying AND being a smart ass, she got grounded from video games for a week, and instead of using the internet for her project she got to rock it old school and use encyclopedias and I had her apologize to her teacher. Whereas if she had just said "Yeah I was doing that, and I know I was wrong" I would have left it at her teacher scolding her at school and I made sure she knew that.  She hasn't set one TOE out of line at school since. 

UpSheRises
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 7:56 PM

I didn't say anything thing about coddling anyone. I think trying to solve a problem without understanding it is an exercise in futility.

Expectations are one thing, reality is another. If you really want to solve a problem, it best to figure out why it's happening in the first place.

Handing out punishments is easy, getting a liar to tell the truth is something else entirely.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3: The consequences will be 5x worse if I catch you in a lie. Screw coddling a kid in hopes they tell you the truth. The truth is expected!
Quoting UpSheRises: People usually lie because they are afraid of the consequences. If shesgoing to get punished either way she'll probably continue to take her chances with the lie. Big stuff, small stuff...she just has a different perspective. Rather than focus on the consequence of lying id focus on the consequences of telling the truth to discover the root of the behavior.


clairewait
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 8:12 PM
2 moms liked this

We try to seriously emphasize the REAL consequences of lying, not just to us, but in life.

I take things to the n-th degree, even with my 7 year old.

Lying breaks trust. That's it in a nutshell.

And no-trust means no priveledges. 

So I tell her, that might not be a big deal now, but what about when you get invited to your first sleepover party? You think if I can't even trust you at home, I'm going to trust you at SOMEONE ELSE'S house?

Some day you are going to want to get a license and drive a car. But if you lie to me about little things now, how in the world can I trust you not to lie about what you are doing in and with your car?

And once you break trust, it takes far longer to rebuild it than it does to lose it. You have to think about that every single time you want to lie.

This lecture has definitely had its rounds on repeat around here, but I truly believe it is starting to stick. Ultimately, it is important to my child that she earns independence, so she knows we have to be able to trust her.

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