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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Has your child ever failed or been held back?

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:46 AM
  • 72 Replies
Anyone have or had a child that's had to repeat a grade? If so how come? How did you handle it and how did child handle it and how did you tell them?

I'm asking because my daughter is 9 and in 3rd grade. She started struggling in math in second grade but the teacher didn't do much. Well her third grade teacher has been great been in contact a lot talking and have had some meetings. Anyway math is basically her worse subject. The teacher has been concerned and trying to help her and she gets some extra help already but she suggested getting her learning disability tested to see if she has a learning disability in math.
Well went to school yesterday for our meeting.
My daughter doesn't have a learning disability but they want to hold her back because math is such a struggle and hoping that next year she does better and it helps. It sucks but if it's what she needs I'll deal with it. I don't know how to tell her, and she's going to loose some friends.

Sorry so long. Any advice?
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BaBeezandMe
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:50 AM

nope.  My boys are IEP students and state law prohibits them from being left behind.  However, if they weren't ready for the next grade, I WOULD INSIST they repeat!  I don't care what state law says!!  My child's success is at stake not some stupid law designed to set kids up to FAIL!!

mom2jessnky
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:07 AM

My youngest repeated 1st grade.  It was mine and DH's decision to have her do it, her school supported our decision either way.

The reason was she really struggled with first grade the first go round. She was constantly failing spelling tests and was in speech therapy. So in an effort to help build her confidence with spelling her list was cut from 12 words to 5. She struggled with reading, she wasn't very social, and was pretty immature. About the only thing she really excelled at was math and science. So we made the decision to have her re-do 1st, because if she was already struggling with 1st grade, she would have struggled with 2nd if they had just pushed her through, and that would just set her up to struggle for Lord knows how long.

She was perfectly fine with repeating, and 2nd time around she did fantastic and was in a great spot to start 2nd grade this school year.

My DD doesn't have a learning disability or anything like that, she just wasn't ready, looking back on it I really should have had her start kindergarten a year later than she did. I had my reasons for her starting when she did, and it turned out to be a bad one, but whatever...

mom2jessnky
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this

Adding to my last, if she loses friends over repeating a grade they weren't her friend in the first place. My youngest didn't lose a single friend when she repeated, none of them even questioned why she was still in first grade instead of in 2nd with them. 


Mocking.Jay
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:14 AM

They're not really supposed to hold children back here in my province below grade 4. It's part of an initiative to focus on getting children to learn the basics in all subjects. If you hold a child back, it decreases their self esteem. Not all parents have a problem with it, and I don't think they could hold my son back anyway because children with special needs are exempt from repeating a grade. But, if my son showed any signs of being weak in a subject, they would just focus on that subject in the next grade level.


I remember when I was in school, if you failed in one subject area, you failed the whole grade. I think that's stupid IMO.

soymujer
by Mikki on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this

We held back my middle son in 2nd grade.  We told him that since he was struggling, we thought it'd be best to take 2nd grade over and that he would have the other teacher who was more fun (I knew this because I know her personally and have seen her teach).  We said don't worry about your former classmates making fun as they were on the other end of the school and never interacted with the lower grades.

family in the van   Mom of four


alyssa1
by Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:46 AM
Well she will loose friends because they will be going to the next grade in a different school. She will make new ones though. We are hoping the 2nd go around will help do the trick.
natural_s
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:48 AM

I don't really have any advice as I am in a similar situation. My 7yr old is in 2nd grade and has been struggling with reading for years and this is the first year that he has a teacher not ignoring the problem. I am thinking about keeping him back to see if that will help him out but me and hubby kind of disagree with that and I am wondering also if that ends up being our decision how will we tell him and if that would effect his self-esteem in that problem area even more.

I do agree with another poster that the passing of kids is a set up for them to fail and I am thinking about my son's future considering he will need good reading skills for all other subjects and in life in general.

I understand the difficulty of your decision, good luck.

alyssa1
by Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you. Good luck to you too. I think if her 2nd grade teacher had tried and cared more she could have repeated 2nd grade and maybe that would have helped. Her reading was somewhat a concern but not as much as math and her reading has improved and doing a lot better. Just got to get the math to click and stick. I think if she went on to 4th grade she would really struggle and we'd be in this same situation again.

Quoting natural_s:

I don't really have any advice as I am in a similar situation. My 7yr old is in 2nd grade and has been struggling with reading for years and this is the first year that he has a teacher not ignoring the problem. I am thinking about keeping him back to see if that will help him out but me and hubby kind of disagree with that and I am wondering also if that ends up being our decision how will we tell him and if that would effect his self-esteem in that problem area even more.


I do agree with another poster that the passing of kids is a set up for them to fail and I am thinking about my son's future considering he will need good reading skills for all other subjects and in life in general.


I understand the difficulty of your decision, good luck.

natural_s
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 12:21 PM

 Your welcome, and thank you.

 

Quoting alyssa1: Thank you. Good luck to you too. I think if her 2nd grade teacher had tried and cared more she could have repeated 2nd grade and maybe that would have helped. Her reading was somewhat a concern but not as much as math and her reading has improved and doing a lot better. Just got to get the math to click and stick. I think if she went on to 4th grade she would really struggle and we'd be in this same situation again.
Quoting natural_s:

I don't really have any advice as I am in a similar situation. My 7yr old is in 2nd grade and has been struggling with reading for years and this is the first year that he has a teacher not ignoring the problem. I am thinking about keeping him back to see if that will help him out but me and hubby kind of disagree with that and I am wondering also if that ends up being our decision how will we tell him and if that would effect his self-esteem in that problem area even more.

I do agree with another poster that the passing of kids is a set up for them to fail and I am thinking about my son's future considering he will need good reading skills for all other subjects and in life in general.

I understand the difficulty of your decision, good luck.

 

Supervane
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 12:39 PM
Mine is in kinder and doing well, but the little girl I watch is at big risk for failing kindergarten her 1 parent has been notified of the possibility but she hasn't improved and there is only 9 weeks of school left. She is barely reading a few site words and can't recognize numbers or alphabet letters. If they do pass her on I think she'll have a hard time in 1st
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