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Is there a way to tell my cousin?

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 2:58 PM
  • 9 Replies

I babysit my cousins 6 month old dd. She is a waitress and her dh is in jail for drunk driving. I watch her 3 or 4 days a week for 6 hours a day. She doesn't pay me. She can't afford daycare. She buys us a few groceries now and then to help out. None of this is an issue.

  The problem Is that I hate it. I hate watching her. She is a difficult baby and fusses all the time. I love her dearly but watching her is driving me nuts. I have a lot of problems anxiety and depression and the anxiety is getting worse. I feel terrible. I want to help out. I really do but I just don't know I can handle it. I feel guilty for not wanting to watch her. I also feel guilted into watching her. I never actually offered to take care of her but my grandmother was watching and she fell and broke her arm (my mema not the baby). One day my cousin called and said she was bringing her over. I've been watching her since.

I just don't know how to tell her I don't want to do it. I don't know what she will do for a baby sitter if I don't do it. Who else would watch a fussy baby for a few groceries? She doesn't make a lot of money. Her husband is a looser and even when he get out of jail I don't know how mush help he will be.

So do I suffer with axiety attacks and depression or do I try and suck it up and watch her. My kids are in school and my youngest doesn't like the baby. What am I going to do during the summer when they hate each other? I just don't know. If I decide not to watch her anymore, how do I tell my cousin?

What would you do?

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by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 2:58 PM
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Replies (1-9):
smarieljlee
by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:03 PM

Does your state offer help for child care? 

_Meg_
by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:15 PM

Your cousin should be able to get free childcare (or at least for a much lower cost) through the state/county. My sister gets childcare help through a program called CHS (we're in California). What state are you in? Your cousin can call county or state services office and ask them what is available and how she can apply or she can look it up online. 

rockinmomto2
by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:28 PM

This. You need to take care of yourself first. My oldest DD was an EXTREMELY fussy baby and it was awful for me. Just horrible. I very nearly couldn't handle it. So I know how it is with depression and anxiety coupled with a very fussy baby.

Quoting _Meg_:

Your cousin should be able to get free childcare (or at least for a much lower cost) through the state/county. My sister gets childcare help through a program called CHS (we're in California). What state are you in? Your cousin can call county or state services office and ask them what is available and how she can apply or she can look it up online. 


Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:46 PM

PPs had some good suggestions.

I would strt with "I love you and your DD but have been having medical issues that make it hard on me to care for her. here are the #s of some places that hep with child care..." and see what happens.

M0M0F3B0YS82
by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:53 PM
Well personally I say hey I love helping you but... And insert how you feel and that you can't do it BUT I will watch your baby for ... Insert a reasonable timeframe so you can find other care

Have her look into state services for help as well

Your health is important too just remember that
Barabell
by Barbara on Apr. 25, 2014 at 11:47 PM

You need to put your health first. Not only for you, but for your kids too.

I'm sure there are services to help your cousin. Try looking at your local Dept of Human Services website and try to hand that information over to your cousin. You're still helping her, and it's a capacity that wouldn't put your wellbeing at risk.

shadow_lark
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 1:15 AM

 I agree with the other ladies. your health and your family comes first.  your immediate family.  Is she in a state where she makes minimum wage plus tips?  I waitress as well.  But I am lucky in where i live, so i get minimum wage no matter what. I don't rely on tips to make my living.  Anywho, she has a job, so she can look in to state funded child care  She can trade care with another mom.  She can post on that nanny website for a care provider with in he budget.

For now, ive her a strict time line and make it in writing.  Tell her she has 30 days to find another provider and giver a letter stating the same thing.  And then stick to it.  She can get insulted if she wants, but stick to your reasons and just tell her that you can no longer watch the baby.  she is an adult and she has plenty of options.

Dodie702
by Doriane on Apr. 26, 2014 at 6:03 PM
I would tell her the truth and see if the state offers daycare assistance. I'm pretty sure most do.
meam4444
by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 4:35 PM

I agree--you need to take care of yourself first.  I would just tell her it isn't working out, and I would like the others suggested, inform her about receiving daycare assistance.

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