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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Pre-school melt-downs............

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2014 at 11:17 PM
  • 28 Replies

My 4 1/2yo DS got in a fight in daycare on the playground. Upon being told to stop, he refused and was sent to the office. I arrived, asked him if he made poor choices, and he starts grunting "H_____made me..........." I respond, "we have talked about this, YOU are responsible for your choices" well, holy terror of the devil erupts. My DS proceeds to hit, kick, spit, run around the halls, screaming." Like total loss of control, me = totally mortified. 

So the aftermath=he was brought home, sent straight to his room after battling him for 20 minutes. Daddy got home and gave him a swat for spitting, he got to eat dinner, meat, vegetables, NO juice, NO fruit, NO milk. He got straight to bath, then bed, lost all privileges for the night.

For the spanking proponents, it is impossible to spank him during his anger as it elicits more of his rage. It would never stop a behavior. And for anti-spankers, we only reserve it once he is calm, for spitting on parents or teachers when angry.  

We have had behavior problems with him from a very young age. He was considered developmentally delayed at one time, but really he is doing great, caught up exept emotional control. He was in behavior counseling at age3. He just explodes, gets angry and it's on, They are all about prevention, breathing, anger control, and essentially almost encouraged us to ignore discipline after an episode like described above.  I am not opposed about going back to counseling, but it is thousands of dollars and frustrating when it just seems to be doing nothing beyond what we are doing at home. I have had him screened for early ed, he did not qualify as you have to watch him for a while to catch a spell.

My DH & I have two other children his older brother responds to typical discipline. We really do our best to be consistent, loving parents but not spoil him.

I know he's young for this group, but I feel overwhelmed, sad and honestly alone, and am desperate for suggestions or opinions from any who can relate. The toddler/pre-school group seems too young. 

by on Apr. 29, 2014 at 11:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
wakymom
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 9:17 AM

 I would try a different therapist. He still needs help learning to cope w/ his emotions, and it sounds like the previous one was not a good fit for your family.

 

 

 

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 9:21 AM

I agree with the previous poster. Also, I don't think using food as a discipline approach is effective or healthy. Have you tried positive reinforcement?

4HMomto3
by on Apr. 30, 2014 at 9:25 AM

It sounds like you already know he has issues at times. You have already done counseling, but did not say what kind. Was it family, or did you take him specifically to a pediatric psychiatrist ? To help you with costs you could see a doctor first and have them recomend a psychiatrist and get it pre-approved with insurance. Either way they can help you get to the bottom of whatever is going on.  It's better to find out while he's young than to let it continue and he hurts others kids who just so happen to be in his way when he gets mad. 

Marti123
by Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:19 AM
Oh yes, yes, yes, we do LOTS of positive reinforcement.

I do completely second guess myself about the food consequence. I would never have done it with my ODS. But I struggled to find something that YDS values that would motivate a change behavior patterns. And he LOVES sugar. We do it only on a rare occasion. I will think more about it.

Quoting mjande4:

I agree with the previous poster. Also, I don't think using food as a discipline approach is effective or healthy. Have you tried positive reinforcement?

Marti123
by Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:22 AM
We saw a pediatric developmental psychiatrist that specialized in toddlers and pre-schoolers. Two different ones, in fact.

I am curious how much other insurances pay? Have you used mental health care on yours? This was done through insurance and going twice weekly for months adds up fast! And we have what is considered to be great insurance.

Quoting 4HMomto3:

It sounds like you already know he has issues at times. You have already done counseling, but did not say what kind. Was it family, or did you take him specifically to a pediatric psychiatrist ? To help you with costs you could see a doctor first and have them recomend a psychiatrist and get it pre-approved with insurance. Either way they can help you get to the bottom of whatever is going on.  It's better to find out while he's young than to let it continue and he hurts others kids who just so happen to be in his way when he gets mad. 

Marti123
by Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:23 AM
Will consider, we had two different ones previously.

Quoting wakymom:

 I would try a different therapist. He still needs help learning to cope w/ his emotions, and it sounds like the previous one was not a good fit for your family.


 


 


 

Marti123
by Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:24 AM
Whoops, I meant PSYCHOLOGIST! Dang spell check!

Quoting Marti123: We saw a pediatric developmental psychiatrist that specialized in toddlers and pre-schoolers. Two different ones, in fact.

I am curious how much other insurances pay? Have you used mental health care on yours? This was done through insurance and going twice weekly for months adds up fast! And we have what is considered to be great insurance.

Quoting 4HMomto3:

It sounds like you already know he has issues at times. You have already done counseling, but did not say what kind. Was it family, or did you take him specifically to a pediatric psychiatrist ? To help you with costs you could see a doctor first and have them recomend a psychiatrist and get it pre-approved with insurance. Either way they can help you get to the bottom of whatever is going on.  It's better to find out while he's young than to let it continue and he hurts others kids who just so happen to be in his way when he gets mad. 

Dodie702
by Doriane on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:38 AM
I agree with this. It is what I would do.

Quoting wakymom:

 I would try a different therapist. He still needs help learning to cope w/ his emotions, and it sounds like the previous one was not a good fit for your family.


 


 


 

4HMomto3
by on Apr. 30, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Yes, our insurance is used on mental health. I have two step-kids who both have serious mental issues.Between the weekly pshyc appts, multiple inpatient stays, outpatient stays, hospitalized schooling, and the many doctors we've gone through , we've been down this road for years. We have BCBS as the the primary and their mother  has state insurance as secondary. It may be beneficial to look at your state's requirements to get help with secondary insurance especially in regards to pediatric mental health. Our BCBS covers the majority of the services and the secondary does the rest. Sure it doesn't feel good to apply for state help but it makes a huge difference when it comes to getting the kids the help they need. 

Quoting Marti123: We saw a pediatric developmental psychiatrist that specialized in toddlers and pre-schoolers. Two different ones, in fact. I am curious how much other insurances pay? Have you used mental health care on yours? This was done through insurance and going twice weekly for months adds up fast! And we have what is considered to be great insurance.
Quoting 4HMomto3:

It sounds like you already know he has issues at times. You have already done counseling, but did not say what kind. Was it family, or did you take him specifically to a pediatric psychiatrist ? To help you with costs you could see a doctor first and have them recomend a psychiatrist and get it pre-approved with insurance. Either way they can help you get to the bottom of whatever is going on.  It's better to find out while he's young than to let it continue and he hurts others kids who just so happen to be in his way when he gets mad. 


LovlyRita
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 12:52 PM
As a daycare provider I have noticed two things that greatly impact behavior and meltdowns. Food and sleep. Tired and/or hungry kids tend to meltdown easily. I found with my own daughter that she needs a high protein diet or she looses it. She is so active that she burns calories like crazy and fruit does not sustain her. I suggest making sure he is getting enough protein and make sure he is getting that nap.
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