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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Advice Needed: My 12 year old son has been friends with a...

Posted by on May. 11, 2014 at 12:10 PM
  • 8 Replies

My 12 year old son has been friends with a neighbor family for many yards. They have a son & daughter close to his age. Recently their has been dynamics developing that have made it difficult for my son. The boy does not want his sister to hang out with them and becomes very mean to her.  My son being a only child thinks the boy is beng to mean and is taking sides the the daughter.  I wish I could talk to the parents but they are not too involved with the kids.  I need advise on how to help him with this situation.  

by on May. 11, 2014 at 12:10 PM
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Replies (1-8):
steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 11, 2014 at 12:14 PM

It sounds like he is handeling it well on his own.  If the other boy is being mean, I wouldn't want to be friends with him and would stand up for the person that he is being mean to.

wakymom
by Ruby Member on May. 11, 2014 at 1:27 PM

 At 12, he needs to work this out on his own. Sounds like he's doing well on his own.

 

 

 

mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2014 at 7:39 PM
This is a sibling issue. Just tell your son not to pick sides. His friend feels like sister is tagging along or maybe stealing your son's friendship from him. It is pretty common and they might compete for your son's attention. Unfortunately your son is put in the middle. A way to handle this is to make sure your son has 1:1 time with his friend that is a boy, while sometimes playing games as a group when the girl was join in.

(I had a twin brother. We often had some of the same friends. Over time as we got older it became more clear which friendships we stronger. I used to play with a lot of boys in the neighborhood, but by the time I was around 12 it became more apparent that the boys didn't want a girl hanging around them and I had to find other friends that were not the same as my brother.)
Dodie702
by Doriane on May. 12, 2014 at 11:47 AM
Sounds like he is handling it well on his own.
IQuitCounting
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 11:52 AM

I would simply encourage him to do what he feels is right.  And there is no reason he shouldn't choose the girl over the boy if he enjoys her company more than that of the boys.  I get the sibling rivalry thing, but why assume (as one of the previous posters did) that he should pick the boy and let the sister tag along sometimes?  Maybe it should be the other way around.

Anyway, let him sort it out unless he asks for help, he's old enough.  Just offer him encouragement when needed.  If he is asking, again, tell him to follow his gut and hang out with people who's company makes him the happiest, one of the kids is simply just going to have to learn to deal.

mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:31 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting IQuitCounting: 

 I get the sibling rivalry thing, but why assume (as one of the previous posters did) that he should pick the boy and let the sister tag along sometimes?  Maybe it should be the other way around.

 You are absolutely right, IQuitCounting. My neighbor chose me over my brother. It just naturally shakes out over time. He will develop a preference of whose company he enjoys better. OP- sorry I just assumed he hangs out more frequently with the boy, hence why he gets mad when his sister is around.

Sigmalade
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 9:53 PM

It sounds like the boy just wants to hang around other boys. It happens at this age. Tell your son that and he will understand. Tell him not to pick sides but this way he will know what is going on. Try having something for just the boys and then maybe something all three can do together. Talk to the parents so that they will know what is going on.

Barabell
by Barbara on May. 13, 2014 at 10:15 PM
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I have an only child, and he has encountered similar situations. I would explain to him that sometimes siblings do not get along. It took him a while to understand sibling bickering. My son saw it more as fighting and being mean, but he eventually realized that it was just normal sibling bickering.

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