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So annoyed with my family lately...Anyone else's kiddo repeat a grade?

Posted by on May. 24, 2014 at 2:52 AM
  • 47 Replies

So my son has some learning disabilities, a slight speech delay, fine motor skill delay, SPD, and possibly ADHD but that hasn't been diagnosed yet, it's just hanging out there when I talk to his doctor, behaviour therapist or psychologist.  He will be 6yrs old at the end of June.  Because he is so immature and is slightly behind the other kids in class, the school psychologist, special education director, principal, my son's teacher, the special education aide that is in class with him at all times, and the behaviour therapist all agree it's best to hold him back in Kindergarten this year instead of push him to 1st grade.  

I've been meeting with this team of people once a week since Christmas break.  My son has had an aide in class with him since October and has been seeing the therapist and psychologist once a week since November.  I figured that this team of people who deal with my son on a day to day basis, and spend a little under half of his waking hours during the week with him would know what they are talking about.  

He's very good at reading and math but his handwriting and language skills are behind, his fine motor skills are behind, and he's having problems understanding what's being asked.  If the question isn't phrased the "correct" way he won't understand it.  He doesn't have any focus or attention span that would be normal for a 5yr old boy, he's too busy counting the table legs in the room to do his work.  He flat out told his teacher no he can't color the ladybug picture because the block center wasn't picked up the right way.  Some large blocks were in the small block bin.  He needs to take multiple sensory breaks during the day to gain a little focus to do his work.  That's why the aide is there to help direct him since he has a hard time when it's just the teacher addressing the class as a whole instead of addressing him directly.  

So we discussed this over the last month and concluded that we can alter the curriculum and give him harder work if he can do it and needs more challenging work but we can't alter the enviornment of 1st grade.  So it would be more beneficial to hold him back now and give him the extra year to mature.  He's the social outcast of the classroom at the moment as he goes from kissing and hugging his friends to kicking and hitting them.  He is a handful.  

Once the decision was made I told my family and every single person went off about how horrible of a mom I am for letting them keep him a 'r--ard', how he's going to become more 'r--arded' because he's being treated like a baby.  How this is the worst thing I could ever allow to happen to him, etc.  It's pissing me off.  I'm doing what I feel is best and would love if they would just support me a bit but no.  Instead of doing that they decided to tell me how I'm such an idiot and I'm just allowing him to act out and all he needs is a good smack on the butt to straighten him up.  My mom told me that if it was her kid she'd be headed to the board of Education demanding they send him to 1st grade and how could any mother allow her child to be left behind.  My brother has taken to calling him 'Rain Man' because of how my son acts.  All the complaining in the world doesn't stop them from talking when they think I'm not around or not listening.  

I just wish sometimes that they'd friggen get that it's not all sunshine, rainbows and unicorn poop but it's not the end of the world either.  It's Kindergarten.  Yes, he will be 6yrs old for the whole school year and he will be 7 when it ends but it's not a big deal.  Plenty of kids are older or younger depending on their birthdays.  I went into Kindergarten at 4yrs old so I was always a younger kid in class.  And it was never a big deal.  So I don't see how this is.  I really just needed to vent about it.  They just don't get it and I can't make them understand.  It's so irritating.

by on May. 24, 2014 at 2:52 AM
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by Bronze Member on May. 24, 2014 at 5:08 AM

Ugh. I had the opposite problem - I and all my family were BEGGING for my eldest to be held back her last year before high school because socially, emotionally, AND academically she was not ready. Her 6th Grade teacher agreed with us - but her 7th didn't and refused to take it to the principal. I found out that because of her behavioiural issues - they wanted to wash their hands of her. and refused to hold her back. I would just say to your family "thanks, but I will handle this my way as it is my child"...I don't think I could tolerate my child being called "rain man" though. Mine is slightly autistic, and I think I would rip shreads off anyone who did that!

by Gold Member on May. 24, 2014 at 7:39 AM
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I'm sorry your family isn't supportive. At this point, I'd just tell them you won't discuss it anymore unless they can be less ignorant and more supportive. Special needs kids and parents need support not mocking and name calling. I would not tolerate anyone calling my child Rain Man or retarded. Their ignorance is astounding.
by on May. 24, 2014 at 7:53 AM
I'm sorry that has to be very stressful and you don't need extra stress

Yes two of my children stayed back a grade it's sometimes the best in the end my daughter stayed back in 1st grade she was very small and has a very hard time interacting with others,plus home life was really stressful that year my oldest 19 at the time was pregnant my husband went to jail for gun charges,and she witness that same day him beating me up she also repeated senior year homeschooling for being way too sick more than half the year
My 3rd son repeated 2nd grade he has ADHD and was way behind plus was not on diagnosed yet
Good luck hope things work out
by Gwen on May. 24, 2014 at 8:28 AM
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I'm sorry. I'd probably reduce contact w your family for a while. No need for you and your son to be around toxic people like that!

by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2014 at 8:29 AM
I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive. Either tell them to shut up or nicely thank them for their input and change the subject. Or ignore them altogether. If you think this is best for your son, don't listen to them.
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by Max on May. 24, 2014 at 8:43 AM
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Quoting GwenMB:

I'm sorry. I'd probably reduce contact w your family for a while. No need for you and your son to be around toxic people like that!

 I agree.

This goes way beyond them disagreeing with your decision to retain him. I wouldn't let my child around people who spoke about him the way they do.

by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2014 at 8:46 AM
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I agree with the others. Your family needs some redirection or no contact. BTW a six year old kindergartener is the NORM!

by Member on May. 24, 2014 at 9:47 AM

so my 4 yr old has all those, except adhd, and theyre passing her on to kinder  theyre probably just saying that and are really holding him back due to his maturity level

by Member on May. 24, 2014 at 9:50 AM
Mine repeated kindy, try as we did to get him to first grade on schedule. It is much better to do it now than later. Mine is much more confident with himself now, it really made a difference.

I would seriously consider keeping my asshole family away from my kid if they spoke about him in such a way.
by on May. 24, 2014 at 9:57 AM
First, you need to smack your brother, mother, and everyone else who has called your son R******, rain man and any other names like that.

Second, you are doing what you feel is right for YOUR child. Are they there every day to see the struggles? If the answer is no than you need to either put them in their place or don't tell them anything. Your son is important here, if you feel he is not ready and you have the backing of the teacher, his aid and the other people involved in helping him than what your family says doesn't count. You know him best and you know what he needs.
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