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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

my 5 year old son and my boyfriend cant seem to get along

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2014 at 5:34 PM
  • 66 Replies
So I am having major issues in my family right now. I have a son that will be 5 in 3 weeks, and I have an amazing man in my life who I love dearly. My son is having major behavioral issues right now, and it it causing alot of problems with him and my boyfriend. He is constantly ignoring him, and me but mostly him. He is making life so much harder. He recently has been peeing in his pants and he said its to make my boyfriend mad. My boyfriend loves my son and wants a relationship with him, and we are afraid that if they cant find away to get along our relationship may not work, and neither one of us want that to happen. He is rude and disrespectful on purpose. We try to talk to him and explain that you cant behave that way but it keeps on happening. We have tried multiple ways to punish him, we take away toys, tv time, going out to do fun things, time outs, standing in the corner, and spanking. Nothing seems to work. I am at my whits end, I cant take much more. I am so frustrated with my son. I want us to have a happy family to together and I don't know how to make that happen. We dont want to take him off punishment to do fun things together because he has to understand what he has done is wrong. I really need some help and advice. I am going to start my son in therapy but that's not for a few weeks away. Any advice is helpful!
by on Jul. 9, 2014 at 5:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 5:56 PM
2 moms liked this

Have you tried having your son talk to a therapist?  He may be having problems sharing you with someone else, or he could even be having problems with someone else replacing his dad. Not exactly sure what your situation is, but a therapist can get to the root of the problem and help work on solutions with you and your son.

Mama2ETA
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:02 PM
2 moms liked this

You're sending your son to therapy for disobeying and being rude? Yikes. I hate to see the bills in high school. Sorry, the therapy thing for this just was a shock.

I would take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. I would take him (son) to dinner alone and have a conversation (not talk at him) about how he feels and why. He's a person, with legitimate feelings too. He needs to know he matters too. 

bcauseimthemom
by Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:04 PM
4 moms liked this

Why don't you try spending time with your son without the boyfriend and try to correct the issue?? Maybe this way, your son will feel more secure and he will know that you love him no matter what.......



OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:04 PM
2 moms liked this

There are many reasons why your son may be acting out like this.  I'd suggest some family counseling to help all involved.

instarsorbit
by Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Im not taking him to therapy just for that...that's a big part of it but I think part of him acting out is because of all the change going on. His dad has been in and out of his life and I know that is hurting him. I need help figuring out how to help him deal. And he misses his dad and says my bf isnt his dad, which we also keep telling him. But im sure he is having a hard time with that.
instarsorbit
by Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:19 PM
And I do spend one on one time with him, as often as possible. And I try to talk to him. And when I ask why he is acting out he says "I dont know" and he he doesnt want my bf to go anywhere and he likes being his buddy. ....soo I dont get why he acts out then
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:19 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like the two of you could use some counseling together. There are many reasons that your son could be acting out, but before you can solve those issues you need to find out why he's troubled. 

aj23
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:29 PM
2 moms liked this
Try positive reinforcement. If he's constantly being punished when the boyfriend is around them he's going to associate the boyfriend with only negative things. Try telling him if he is well behaved on this day then on the next day all 3 of you will go do something fun.
Also make sure he's getting some time alone with just you. He likely just feels like this man came in and took away his mom and all the fun stuff.
Mama2ETA
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 6:57 PM
1 mom liked this

it sounds like its your approach, as to why he isn't opening up. Don't ask him why he's acting out. Ask him something like, "how are you feeling about our life" or "how do you feel about *insert bf's name*" go from there. Don't be upset with what he tells you. Give him the open space to tell you.

Quoting instarsorbit: And I do spend one on one time with him, as often as possible. And I try to talk to him. And when I ask why he is acting out he says "I dont know" and he he doesnt want my bf to go anywhere and he likes being his buddy. ....soo I dont get why he acts out then


instarsorbit
by Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 7:32 PM
Yea when we go to counseling we are going to do family sessions. I really hope that it helps. I also want to try and get things handled better before he starts kindergarten. I know that part of the problem is I didnt start really cracking down on him till a few months ago. For the first 4 years of his life I kind of spoiled him because I wasnt really around (work and school) and I tried to overcompensate for his dad not being around. I realize now that wast the best thing for him.
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