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I am at my wits end and not sure what else to do.

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 2:01 PM
  • 16 Replies

Hi ladies,

I am getting so frustrated with my 6 year old. He has become so whiny and talking back that I'm not sure what to do. We've done time outs, I've taken away all his toys, we spanked him twice. I've just tried talking to him. Nothing seems to be doing the trick.  For example:  When I tell him he's got 5 more minutes on he video game and then were going to do some reading.  He'll tell me he doesn't want to read and he's not going to. Then he'll sit and whine about it. I tell him your 5 minutes is almost up and he storms off into his room, slams the door, and yells I'm not going to read. I'll go in there and tell him to go to bed and he throws everything off and yells that he's not going to read.

This is just one example of what he's been doing.  Do I force him to come and read with me? I feel like that's gonna push him to hate reading. Or do I let him go to bed and sleep. It's been so hard this summer because he has gotten worse with his attitude. He has hit my husband and I when he gets really angry, he slams things, throws things, (not all the time, but when he's reallly mad)  He is an only child and with one of us all the time except when he goes to Grandpas for a couple hours.

Any advice on how you guys deal with discipline would be greatly appreciated!

by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 2:01 PM
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by Ruby Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 2:15 PM
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 Ds1 went through a stage from age 6 to about 8 when he was just horrible. He did not hit, but the refusal to do what he was told and the backtalk were bad. More than once, we took all toys and books out of his room and he had to earn them back w/ good behavior.

Sit down w/ your ds, remind him of the house rules, remind him of the consequences for not following them, and then be consistent. Eventually, it does get through to them, and the behavior will improve. Also, pick your battles. I've decided I can live w/ some grumbled, under-the-breath whining and eye rolling if the chore is being done. Kids should be allowed to express displeasure at having to something they don't like in some small way.




by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 2:32 PM
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I would install a new rule that video games may only be played once his reading has been completed for the day. If he chooses not to do the reading then no games. Having children continue to read over the summer is very important for a young reader.
by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 3:48 PM
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There are two things that I do when whining rears its ugly head in my house (at any age and my oldest is 7).

First, I tighten up our schedule. Very often (for us) whining comes when things have been too unpredictable for too long. Summer time is the hardest. I have to sit down at breakfast and go over the plans of the day with my kids. I've even made a chart so they can see what we are doing - and it does help. My kids are a little type A in that way. Subsequently, this is also what makes my 2 year olds stop whining... just doing everything the same way every day. Predictability is key for kids, I think. I mean, just look at well-run elementary school classrooms.

The next thing is setting behavioral goals and making rewards. I agree with PP. Make the video game the reward for reading instead of the other way around. I have to set my day up for success, which essentially means we put all the unpleasant stuff (chores or whatever) just before something they want.

Examples: my kids don't eat breakfast until they've completed their morning jobs (getting dressed, making bed, and brushing teeth); all messes have to be cleaned up before lunch, and again before dinner; no cartoons until bathtime is over and their clothes are put away. Make sense? For us, the goal doesn't have to be long term - it has to be immediate.

And then, if whining persists, mine are immediately removed from the situation. If that is the dinner table they are excused to their room. If that is just playing in the living room, they are sent to their room. If we are in the grocery store or another place where we cannot leave right away, I usually spank them at the car. I don't really put up with public displays of bad behavior (because mine do it knowing/thinking they won't get in trouble because we are in public).

by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 4:47 PM

There is this great book I heard of "Have a New Kid by Friday" I know sometimes it is a challenge raising boys, I have 3. In my family, consistency is key. Saying what I mean and meaning what I say and then carrying through with it. I choose my battles very wisely. With one of my sons, empathy was important to him. He needed to know that I really understood his feelings, but I would nver change my instructions, just the way I approached him. Blessings mama, you are doing a good job, keep going!

by Max on Jul. 22, 2014 at 6:45 PM

I do think it's partly the age. My son is six also and he's gotten super dramatic about everything.

I have been forcing him. He also doesn't want to read. He acts like I am torturing him. Once he does it he's fine. I remind him that he's being silly. I am also concerned about him hating reading. But I am more concerned about him learning he can get out of things with temper tantrums.

I am planning on riding this phase out. Talking to other moms and his teacher, I am pretty sure it comes with this age.

by Mikki on Jul. 22, 2014 at 7:56 PM

My 8 year old will throw a fit when we tell him it's almost time to get off from his video games.  We tell him that if he proceeds to do so, then he will not play video games the next day.  As far as reading goes, my child loves it.

family in the van   Mom of four

by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 10:18 PM
I agree with taking his stuff away and make him earn it with appropriate behavior. I'd also make him read before games. And I would take his door off his bedroom. You can't slam what's not there.

Earlier bedtime is a good idea too.
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:54 AM
No advice, just my sympathies. My kids have been terrible lately. I've been looking at Pinterest for a project to get them working on and off the screen.
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:20 AM
My dd knows that reading time is non negotiable and she doesn't get to do anything until she gets it done. I would be firm and if he whines about doing his reading, take his video games away.
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:26 AM

Yes, the terrible two's aren't just for 2 year olds!  When kids mess up a lot they can begin to think that's all they can do.  So during the day whenever he listens or does well, tell him how much you appreicate him for that.  At the end of the day as you're putting him to bed, remind him of everything that he did well during the day. 

Also, going forward, set time limits on how long he can play video games.  Let him know that he will have less time to play video games tomorrow if he does not stop at the end of the time allotment today.  (A timer that you can set for 10 or 20 minutes is great for this.)  Let him know these expectations *before* the game gets turned on.  Then follow through on them.  If his time on the game is 10 minutes and he doesn't stop when you tell him it's over, then tomorrow he only gets to play for 5 minutes or not at all. 

Good luck!  Remember to tell him that you love him no matter what and that you love him enough to set limits on him. 

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