Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I retain my DD and put her back in the correct grade?

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:08 PM
  • 51 Replies

My 6 year old daughter just completed 1st grade.  She did pass and was promoted to 2nd grade, but had some struggles along the way.  In reading, she is now on grade level.  But with math she continues to struggle and is really not on grade level at all.  

Her story is......she started K early ( a year before she really should have) at a private school.  She's a Sept. birthday and our cutoff here is Sept. 1.  So she technically would have had to wait a whole year to start K at the public school. At the time, I didn't want her to miss out a year of learning, so we started her early!  I always thought I would just have her do 2 years of K when she moved to Public school, but many convinced me otherwise and so instead she continued on to 1st.  Now in hindsight, I feel I made a terrible mistake. 

Socially, she was fine.  Her closest friends did happen to be the next youngest in the class, but she was fine and blended in quite well.  But academically, she was definitely at the bottom of the class in both reading and math. Although in math, her struggles were even more evident!  

So now, I have spoken to the school about her situation and I have the opportunity to have her repeat 1st, even though she technically passed.  And by repeating, she would be in the correct grade for her age.  But I am so hesitant because now she's made friends and she's already been at the school for 1 year. I did talk to my DD about it and asked her how she felt and she actually thought it was a great thing and that she would love to do 1st again!  She said she does not want to 2nd grade because she thinks it's going to be too hard.  She knows she's young for her grade and I explained to her that if she were to repeat it would be because we were now putting her in the right grade.  

So what would you do if this were your child?   A part of me wonders whether she'll just catch up with math eventually and be OK if I pushed her on, but another part of me also knows that this may be my only chance to reverse this! 

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:08 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:15 PM

You could always just wing it for the year and the great thing is if it's not their time to start, they can have another chance at it the next year. If you hold her back, you will never know if she can succeed or not. It doesn't hurt to try and won't kill her if she has to be held back next year. 

I don't believe in holding a kid back IMO but I ALSO don't believe in forcing them. Ask your child what she wants to do, get second opinions. Speak to your pediatrician, get a referral to a developmental pediatrician or occupational therapist. 

Good luck!

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:22 PM
My parents did the same thing to me, and I always kind of resented that they didn't let me go ahead. But at the same time as I got older I totally understood their reasoning for it, mine was the social aspect, not the academic. They didn't want me to always be the youngest in my class and they thought more to the future like my peers would be getting their licenses a year before I did, stuff like that. I think it would have been nice for me to graduate a year earlier but they did what they thought was best for me and even though I didn't like it most likely it was!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:25 PM
My youngest is also a September baby and we sent him to a private kindergarten. It was actually more a financial choice because kindergarten was $3000 less then preschool. I also knew I couldn't afford to keep him in private. To be honest seeing as he didn't do preschool I was prepared for him to need to do kindergarten again but he passed. I was told I could test him out of kindergarten if I choose when we switch to public but I'm planning on keeping him in kindergarten. New school will be adjustment, its more then double the size. My only fear is he gets bored. His prior school was more acedemically advanced. They were doing things that public school doesn't do until 1st and 2nd grade. Also he is easily inflouenced. Partly I think that's him being young so he will follow along with other trouble makers. They have so many new teachers since my oldest started I'm not really sure what to expect.

Honestly it's probably easiy to hold her back now then later. Mine was devistated to not be going to first grade with his friends and switching schools but my oldest barely remembers kindergarten or 1st grade so this shall pass.
by Maria on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:26 PM
I would hold her back. I have a 6 year old and I couldn't imagine her going into 2nd. If she is fine with it do it now. It wouldn't hurt her to repeat and sounds like she needs it.
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:37 PM
She wants to do 1st again. She had diff. in both reading and math although she displays reading she's on tje lower side. Yea I'd let her redo 1st esp. since she wants to and doesn't feel ready. Your child is saying she wants this you can give it to her the school said yes. Let her redo.
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Have her repeat. If she's struggling now, she really needs the basics. It's hard to build the rest of the house if the foundation isn't set. 

She'll feel confident because she mostly knows the material. That'll carry on through the rest of school. It is so much better to feel like one of the smarter kids than like the dumbest kid. It will get to her more every year and eventually she will stop asking questions and stop asking for help because she'll feel even dumber. 

My kid needs extended time in everything. He is very methodical. It makes him anxious and he wishes he could do things more quickly. Now that he has the 504, simply knowing that he has it is reassuring. You want school to be a place where your child can learn, not all day torture. 

by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:27 PM

Also, if you hold her back and she later on excels in another grade, she can always be skipped. It happened to a few people I knew. They failed grade 3/4 and skipped grade 5 or 6.

by Lorelai on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:29 PM

I would send her on to 2nd grade, and work with her on math over the summer.

Alexis Emma 10-13-1999 - 14 years old
Kirsten Leslie 03-14-2004 - 10 years old
Sarah Mackenzie 08-14-2007 - 6 years old
Charlotte Amelia & Harmon David 04-12-2012 - 2 years old
Angela Victoria 06-09-1996 - 18 years old (niece) 

by Mikki on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:32 PM
1 mom liked this

If her academics were such a concern, the teacher wouldn't have passed her to the next grade. 

family in the van   Mom of four

by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 12:13 AM
Did she fail any subjects? Or just scrape by?
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)