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I'm not a dog so why do I bark like one?

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 1:16 AM
  • 18 Replies

 Isn't it amazing what you can learn about yourself, as a mother, by watching/listening to your children?

My 3 month old was having a tough time falling asleep tonight so I got my older 2 (7 1/2 year old son and 5 year old daughter) ready for bed and then my 7 1/2 year old offered to read stories to my 5 year old.  I was in the nursery and all of a sudden my 5 year old's door opens and my 7 1/2 year old is sternly barking at her saying "STAY.IN.BED" and shuts her door.  A few more phrases were exchanged but listening to his cold, sharp, demanding tone I suddenly heard myself speaking to them when I'm super frustrated.  Gosh, I was in pain for my daughter as she was begging for my son to come back and finish the story and he was coldly barking at her to stay in bed.  THIS is how I speak to my kids?!!!

I am a reformed yeller.  I grew up in yelling and it was how I learned to communicate.  A few years ago I made a deal with my, then, 5ish year old, that I wouldn't yell anymore if he would work harder on listening.  I've kept my end of the deal, he's 7 1/2 and tries his best but...he's 7 1/2.  I realized that I am the adult, I don't have to yell because I am the authority and don't need to get hysterical.  Crazy realization for a 30 something year old, huh?

So, as it turns out, I traded in my yelling for a sharp drill sergeant tone when I mean business and they aren't listening.  The silver lining/pat on my own back is that my ego is small enough for me to realize my short comings.  I NEED to change this because they are bringing it out into the world and I don't want to speak to them this way.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE them and respect them so much but my tone certainly doesn't show that.  Time to step it up!

Any reformed drill sergeants?  Any tips or tricks for calming down the "NOW!!!" when I'm at my wits end?

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 1:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
diaperstodating
by Queen25Princes on Aug. 10, 2014 at 1:18 AM
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Linagma03
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 1:45 AM
2 moms liked this

Nope. I do the drill sargent and don't plan to change. I yell when I am angry and I don't get angry often so I don't plan to change that either. I talk to them until they don't listen then they get the stern voice and I save the yelling for the teenage boy. Being a teen he is horrid about ignoring me until I yell then suddenly he acts surprised by my response. 

Luvmy2babies22
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 8:36 AM
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Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:34 AM
I also do not see an issue with it. Tuere are times a stern voice is needed. I am happy to hear you have cut back on the yelling as that generally just makes kids shut down.
Luvmy2babies22
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this
I guess the problem is hearing them speak to each other that way sheds some light on the lack of respect that the tone carries. I don't have a problem with it being stern, I have a problem with its delivery. I'll never be a pushover but there are times where I can come across really cold and I don't want that. I want my kids to always know they are respected even when I'm unhappy with their choices.

I guess you would have to hear it to understand just what I mean and why I'm trying to find another approach.
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Jsanchez125
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 12:20 PM
I try to give them warnings. Once i get to 3 i start yelling. But most of the time they listen. They usually get yelled at only when they are being lazy and don't want to clean up. If talk to your kids an explain how i act is not how you should act. I'm the mom, an just cause your older does not mean you get to tell at the you her kids.
Luvmy2babies22
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 12:34 PM

my son and i did have the conversation about him not parenting his sister.  the big phrase in our house is "who are YOU in charge of?" and they reply "me".  if they have a problem with the other they are SUPPOSED to come talk to me.  i think kids live what they learn so explaining that he shouldn't talk like that is easier said than done because it's how he's being taught to manage his frustration.  in all other areas i try to set the example of appropriate behavior.  we tell the truth, use our manners, etc.  when hubby and i have a disagreement, they see us work thru it calmly and respectfully.  however, when it comes to them, that calm and respect is out the window.  there was such disdain in his tone and i know that's a parrot of how he interprets me. 

Quoting Jsanchez125: I try to give them warnings. Once i get to 3 i start yelling. But most of the time they listen. They usually get yelled at only when they are being lazy and don't want to clean up. If talk to your kids an explain how i act is not how you should act. I'm the mom, an just cause your older does not mean you get to tell at the you her kids.

 

leylaloo
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:56 PM

finding the holidays hard work with my 8 yr old daughter.  she wont listen to me , she doesnt even acknowledge when i speak sometimes. she wont do as shes told, it is driving me to sheer insanity . help. i shout too much. i hate it . not sure if i can change :-( feeling really down. 

Sarahb21
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Nope. My kids know I mean business when I use my stern voice. They listen pretty well, but they have their moments. I'm patient and sweet with them a majority of the time but sometimes they need a bit more. My kids don't really copy me, if they try to boss each other around, they get talked to about it. It's not ok for them to act like they are in charge of each other because they aren't. I'm in charge of them because I am their parent. I'm guiding them through life to make sure they turn out to be good adults. Being gentle doesn't always get that point through to them.

Luvmy2babies22
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 6:04 PM
I guess my concern wasn't explained well. I'm not talking about not being stern and authoritative anymore. I'm talking about my tone. I don't like that my authority also comes with cold and curtess (probably not even a word). No he shouldn't be parenting his sister but he's responding to her the way I respond to them when I'm fed up and it's a nasty tone. It's going to be hard to break that cycle.
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