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Sisters kid has parenting issues that are affecting school what would you do?

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:46 PM
  • 20 Replies

My sisters boy is 7 the same age as my daughter my girl is in the 2nd grade my nephew is in the 1st grade. Now my sister and I have different parenting styles which is fine.

she held her son back in kindergarten and put him into preschool because he is babied at home and they let him do as he please and at school he refused to do the work the teacher asked him to do. the teacher suggested maybe putting him back into preschool to help him get better acquainted with the rules and structure of school so they did that. When he was in back in kindergarten they still had the same issue. now hes in the 1st grade and its the 3rd day of school and he has been sent home all 3 days now because of his behavior. she called me and asked what she should do she didn't really want to hear what I had to say she wanted me to tell her that his behavior was OK and the school was wrong when I think that they need to step up and get that kid in shape hes never going to succeed if they allow him to continue to act this way. I don't get how she doesn't see that the problem is her and her ex not giving him any structure or rules at home he runs the place and doesn't listen to her so why would he listen in school? 

maybe i was to harsh? for telling her she needed to step up and make him listen she cant keep running and taking him from school because he doesn't want to be there. the teacher is sending him home if that was my kid he would be in so much trouble instead she was taking him out to McDonald's to eat and play hes being rewarded for bad behavior. I would be so embarrassed if my child acted that way. 

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mama2ETA
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:20 PM
If My child acted that way, they'd be grounded for a month. No, she's not going to change. How does she leave work if she's a single mom? I guess when she loses her job she will step up
Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:34 PM

So you had a talk with her, how did she handle it? That would decide where I went.

If she got defensive and upset, I would just keep redirecting her to work with the school, talk to the school for recommendations, etc.

If she was somewhat receptive, try making SMALL recommendations of things to try. Maybe she could role play how to act in the clssroom with him at home and correct his behavior there.

If you get too pushy and involved, she will see it as an attack and things will get ugly!

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/98, 1st Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

PeachQuean
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:41 PM
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Sounds like my friend and her almost 9 yr old dd.

They reward her for the most awful behavior and constantly switch schools or teachers. It's never her kids fault. She's constantly telling her daughter that her behavior is fine and ALL the teachers she's had are nothing but bullies.

This is an incredibly intellectual child, and her mother is not doing her any justice. She gets sent home as well.for not listening, it's gotten to.the point that they suggested homeschooling was her best bet.

I feel bad for kids with no.structured home life.

I stopped giving advice when asked. Only reason why her dd has made it to the 4th grade is cause she's highly intelligent, way above her peers.

Emily197
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:47 PM

She works weekends at nights on the nights she works her ex has the kids.

Quoting Mama2ETA: If My child acted that way, they'd be grounded for a month. No, she's not going to change. How does she leave work if she's a single mom? I guess when she loses her job she will step up


Emily197
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:53 PM

I did talk with her shes been calling me complaining that the school is the one messing up when I believe its her. the school can only do so much and he is acting up so much they dont want him in class and he is distracting other students.

she got upst because I didnt agree with her that its the schools fault this is a problem. she has been dealing with over 2 years and they are not changing anything at home so his attitude is the same. Even with the added stress of the divorce I told her it cant be blamed on that because they got divorced over the summer and the issue was happening way before that.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

So you had a talk with her, how did she handle it? That would ecide where I went.

If she got defensive and upset, I would just keep redirecting her to work with the school, talk to the school for recommendations, etc.

If she was somewhat receptive, try making SMALL recommendations of things to try. Maybe she could role play how to ct in the clssroom with him at home and correct his behavior there.

If you get too pushy and involved, she will see it as an attack and things will get ugly!


clairewait
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:56 PM
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Ugh. This is a toughy.

I mean, if it was anyone else in the class I feel like I'd chalk it up as a "brat with bad parents," and just complain about it if it was affecting my child or whatever, but otherwise do/say nothing.

The fact that it is your sister puts you in a position to feel more responsble for saying something. But here's where I always end up. Family doesn't want to hear it just like aquaintences and strangers don't want to hear it.

I guess only you know what kind of relationship you have with your sister. If she'd be open to discussion then it would be worth opening. But if you know she's not, it might just be a can of worms that makes a big mess and has no productive result.

At least your children aren't in the same class, right?

Emily197
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 2:00 PM

yes im very glad they are not in the same class. I feel bad for the teacher and the other students in his class I have seen how he gets when he doesnt want to do something and I do not blame the teacher one bit id kick him out to she has a class full of kids ready and willing to learn no reason to focuse on 1 that refuses to even try.

Quoting clairewait:

Ugh. This is a toughy.

I mean, if it was anyone else in the class I feel like I'd chalk it up as a "brat with bad parents," and just complain about it if it was affecting my child or whatever, but otherwise do/say nothing.

The fact that it is your sister puts you in a position to feel more responsble for saying something. But here's where I always end up. Family doesn't want to hear it just like aquaintences and strangers don't want to hear it.

I guess only you know what kind of relationship you have with your sister. If she'd be open to discussion then it would be worth opening. But if you know she's not, it might just be a can of worms that makes a big mess and has no productive result.

At least your children aren't in the same class, right?


JanetteA
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 2:50 PM
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OK, this poor kid was held back, had trouble in K, and in three days of first grade he's been sent home early three times?

Honey, this is FAR more than just "bad parenting" on your sister's part.  Kids who have the worst parents in the world don't get sent home early three times in three days.  (And while "letting the kid do whatever he wants"  might be crappy parenting, it's nowhere near bad parenting.)

This poor kid clearly has some serious serious issues.  He needs a full-on exam by a developmental pediatrician and probably more testing beyond that. 

In the meantime, try to have a little sympathy for your sister.  Trust me, the school is already doing a fine job of telling her she's a crappy parent.  She doesn't need to hear it from you.

ETA:  I just read where the poor kid's parents had gone through a divorce.   I think this poor kid is screaming out for help in the only way he can.  It's not the schools fault and it's not bad parenting on your sister's part  (in fact in many cases divorce is GOOD parenting!).  All we adults can do is try to work through the rought patches and be sensitive.  Oh, and get counseling-- for everyone involved. 

wakymom
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:09 PM
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 Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything you can do. Both the school and you have told her that her son needs to learn to follow the rules and listen to those in charge, but she is not wanting to hear that. When she brings it up, just say, "I'm sorry it's still an issue" and either change the subject or walk away.

 

 

 

AliHudz-723
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:22 PM
Tell her to whoop his little ass!!
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