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How do you keep your cool?

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 5:05 PM
  • 18 Replies

Hi,

so I have a hard time, sometimes, keeping my cool with my oldest.  He has anxiety.  When it's really bothering him he's really irritable & not really defiant, but certainly not open to advice/suggestions.  So I might say something & it's interruptions by him "how is that gonna help?" "that's not going to work" "that doesn't make sense".  Usually I catch myself but sometimes the negativity gets to me & I blow up.  Of course this upsets him & he will start crying uncontrollably. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one with a kid who's obstinate.  What do you do to not blow up & take it "out on them"?

by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 5:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MasonGsMomma
by New Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 5:21 PM
I have really bad anxiety as well... So, that "negativity" you are speaking of is all too familiar. Im sure you know this is beyond the control of your son. He cant help it. Its not something he should be made feel bad for, that only makes it worse. I think you should work on coping with his disorder and maybe speaking with his doctor or a therapist to try and work together to find ways to be able to handle the situation better. Anxiety is a horrible thing to endure and medication as well as counseling can work wonders. Best wishes to you both xox
RaeMarie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 7:16 PM

My son gets like that when his sugar is high. Currently I send him to his room to cool off. Once he is calmed down I can fix the problem. When he is high though he is the most obstinate kid I have ever met so aside from me literally sitting on him and checking his sugar this is the best option. There is a little leeway in how quick you have to get blood sugar down. 

My answer to everything currently is go to your room so I don't blow. It has been a hard 8 months with the move and dh only being here part time. 

Traci_Momof2
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 8:44 PM

My oldest has anxiety and ODD, so he sometimes is outright defiant.  It's tough, but by nature I have a large amount of patience.  I also tend to internalize a lot so I may be shouting at him inside my head but reacting more calmly on the outside.

I will tell you though, there was one time I was so fed up with both of them that I went in my room and slammed my door over and over again.  So much so that I broke the door jam.  First time I've ever done anything like that in my life.  Every person has their limits.  Don't feel bad when you hit yours.

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 9:26 PM

I know I shouldn't make him feel bad for it, which is why I was asking what other moms do in those situations.  The fact he has anxiety was added because it can be an everyday issue due to it.  I know it's beyond his control & trust me over the years I've made plenty of excuses for it in the sense I have to explain that he has anxiety & it's a side benefit of it.  I have coped with his disorder.  Since you have it you have to also understand how difficult it is for other people to cope with it on a daily basis, sometimes minute basis.  It's no walk in the park for you but it's no walk in the park for everyone else either, especially those who want you (him) to be normal.  Since he's a child the professionals still want him to be accountable for his behavior as well as him coping himself with his anxiety. 

All those things being said I'm only human & can't be perfect mom all the time.  I felt bad.  I knew I messed up & should've handled it better.  I know how hard it is for you all, especially since people think they can relate or kind of brush it off as no big deal.  It's the invisible disorder.  Thanks for the advice!

Quoting MasonGsMomma: I have really bad anxiety as well... So, that "negativity" you are speaking of is all too familiar. Im sure you know this is beyond the control of your son. He cant help it. Its not something he should be made feel bad for, that only makes it worse. I think you should work on coping with his disorder and maybe speaking with his doctor or a therapist to try and work together to find ways to be able to handle the situation better. Anxiety is a horrible thing to endure and medication as well as counseling can work wonders. Best wishes to you both xox


mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 9:41 PM

Thanks for the advice.  I can't use it on him but will definitely use it for his brother. :)

Quoting RaeMarie:

My son gets like that when his sugar is high. Currently I send him to his room to cool off. Once he is calmed down I can fix the problem. When he is high though he is the most obstinate kid I have ever met so aside from me literally sitting on him and checking his sugar this is the best option. There is a little leeway in how quick you have to get blood sugar down. 

My answer to everything currently is go to your room so I don't blow. It has been a hard 8 months with the move and dh only being here part time. 


mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 9:47 PM

Thanks!  I mean I stopped talking & walked away but for some reason when I was fixing breakfast I just started saying stuff to God.  It was indirectly but really directly because he could hear.  I think I did it because I was about to cry & just lost it.  I think in those moments I wish he could see how hard it is for m to live with too.  But I am the adult & need to do better.  And I'm not a patient person at all & internalizing isn't my thing either. :/  His brother tends to exacerbate things as well.  Woosah...

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

My oldest has anxiety and ODD, so he sometimes is outright defiant.  It's tough, but by nature I have a large amount of patience.  I also tend to internalize a lot so I may be shouting at him inside my head but reacting more calmly on the outside.

I will tell you though, there was one time I was so fed up with both of them that I went in my room and slammed my door over and over again.  So much so that I broke the door jam.  First time I've ever done anything like that in my life.  Every person has their limits.  Don't feel bad when you hit yours.


Traci_Momof2
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:29 PM

Oh I get the brother thing.  My youngest has ADHD, which often clashes with my oldest's anxiety.  It's not a pretty picture.  They are close brothers and often get along like best friends, but they do have their moments too and it's not good.

Quoting mommy2cristian:

Thanks!  I mean I stopped talking & walked away but for some reason when I was fixing breakfast I just started saying stuff to God.  It was indirectly but really directly because he could hear.  I think I did it because I was about to cry & just lost it.  I think in those moments I wish he could see how hard it is for m to live with too.  But I am the adult & need to do better.  And I'm not a patient person at all & internalizing isn't my thing either. :/  His brother tends to exacerbate things as well.  Woosah...

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

My oldest has anxiety and ODD, so he sometimes is outright defiant.  It's tough, but by nature I have a large amount of patience.  I also tend to internalize a lot so I may be shouting at him inside my head but reacting more calmly on the outside.

I will tell you though, there was one time I was so fed up with both of them that I went in my room and slammed my door over and over again.  So much so that I broke the door jam.  First time I've ever done anything like that in my life.  Every person has their limits.  Don't feel bad when you hit yours.


Linda_Runs
by Silver Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 7:29 AM

Sometimes I don't keep my cool.  Then they push me beyond my limits even after being warned, they end up in their rooms for a while.  Most of the time that works for both of us.

MasonGsMomma
by New Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 9:05 AM
I understand, it is definitely hard for anyone to cope with. I wish I had some better advice for you! I know my anxiety has triggered other people on multiple occasions. Even something as simple as going out to eat can sometimes cause me to have chest pains, racing thoughts, cold sweat in my hands and tingling limbs, do you know how much that can piss other people off when all they want is dinner, lol!! You know what has really helped me, ativan. It helps alot in calming me down in general and makes me realize how unrational I am being. I do only take it as needed when I start to feel anxiety coming on. Which is sometimes alot more frequently than other times. I know your son is still young so Im not really too sure what they would give as far as medications, if any. I am not usually one to advocate medication either, but I do feel this is one case where I think it could be helpful, for your son and for your mental health, lol! I had anxiety when I was younger but my parents didnt really believe anything was wrong with me, just thought I was a little socially awkward, lol. Cant say I blame them, because I didnt know either! But as I got older and it became so hard to cope daily that I began to have severe anxiety attacks to where it felt like I was dying, couldnt breathe or catch my breathe, shaking uncontrollably, etc.. My first one was so severe I was rushed off in an ambulance, I dont even remember what happened. I was sitting at my dining room table then woke up in a hospital. Only then is when they explained the disorder to me and I was able to seek the help that I had needed for all those years. I am happy for your son that you were able to recognize a deeper issue. That is a complete blessing. Maybe just trying to get him into a therapy sessiom here or there to where they can help HIM in coping with his own disorder and give him a better understand of what he is feeling and experiencing. And also show him some different tactics to calm himself down when he feels it coming on. I know he is still young so that would probably be the best possible thing. Simple breathing exercises have helped me alot. You can find a ton of them right online. I just realized that I wrote you a small novel so Im going to wrap it up, lmao! But honestly I wish you both the best and I hope you guys can find what works for you all! 😊

Quoting mommy2cristian:

I know I shouldn't make him feel bad for it, which is why I was asking what other moms do in those situations.  The fact he has anxiety was added because it can be an everyday issue due to it.  I know it's beyond his control & trust me over the years I've made plenty of excuses for it in the sense I have to explain that he has anxiety & it's a side benefit of it.  I have coped with his disorder.  Since you have it you have to also understand how difficult it is for other people to cope with it on a daily basis, sometimes minute basis.  It's no walk in the park for you but it's no walk in the park for everyone else either, especially those who want you (him) to be normal.  Since he's a child the professionals still want him to be accountable for his behavior as well as him coping himself with his anxiety. 

All those things being said I'm only human & can't be perfect mom all the time.  I felt bad.  I knew I messed up & should've handled it better.  I know how hard it is for you all, especially since people think they can relate or kind of brush it off as no big deal.  It's the invisible disorder.  Thanks for the advice!

Quoting MasonGsMomma: I have really bad anxiety as well... So, that "negativity" you are speaking of is all too familiar. Im sure you know this is beyond the control of your son. He cant help it. Its not something he should be made feel bad for, that only makes it worse. I think you should work on coping with his disorder and maybe speaking with his doctor or a therapist to try and work together to find ways to be able to handle the situation better. Anxiety is a horrible thing to endure and medication as well as counseling can work wonders. Best wishes to you both xox

RaeMarie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 9:44 AM

Pretty much sums me up LOL

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