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Reuniting my Family...

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 10:28 PM
  • 9 Replies

My exhusband and me are getting back together after 2 years of being divorced and living separate. We are looking for an apartment to share, that we will be moving to soon. How do I make this a smooth transition for the children? (they are 4 and 7) Honestly they will be stoked to have mommy and daddy under one roof again. We never told them we are dating, but I'm sure they kinda know because we are doing a lot as a family again (which they love). I know our divorce was a big transition for them, and they adapted, but I want to make sure reuniting our family goes smoothly.

by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 10:28 PM
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Replies (1-9):
RaeMarie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 9:37 AM

Kids are very resiliant. They will more than likely go with the flow because it is something positive. Breaking up a family is much harder than putting one back together. Glad you worked things out! DH and I separated in '06. We got to the final signing of the divorce papers and called it off. We lived apart for a year. We are celebrating 23 yrs this summer. 

Bookwormy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 2:15 PM
It truly depends on the cause of the breakup. My parents separated when I was 9yo, but should have done so when I was 7yo. I would have been horrified & miserable if they had reconciled, even as a preteen. Our family was "broken" when we lived together & my mother & I had a much healthier household just the two of us once she left & took me. You really can't assume.

Quoting RaeMarie:

Kids are very resiliant. They will more than likely go with the flow because it is something positive. Breaking up a family is much harder than putting one back together. Glad you worked things out! DH and I separated in '06. We got to the final signing of the divorce papers and called it off. We lived apart for a year. We are celebrating 23 yrs this summer. 

Nicholy10
by Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 2:19 PM

There were many factors that led up to the divorce, but those factors do not seem to be present in our dating relationship. I think we were just too young to handle situations and had too much pressure from our families to divorce. 

Quoting Bookwormy: It truly depends on the cause of the breakup. My parents separated when I was 9yo, but should have done so when I was 7yo. I would have been horrified & miserable if they had reconciled, even as a preteen. Our family was "broken" when we lived together & my mother & I had a much healthier household just the two of us once she left & took me. You really can't assume.
Quoting RaeMarie:

Kids are very resiliant. They will more than likely go with the flow because it is something positive. Breaking up a family is much harder than putting one back together. Glad you worked things out! DH and I separated in '06. We got to the final signing of the divorce papers and called it off. We lived apart for a year. We are celebrating 23 yrs this summer. 


Bookwormy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 2:27 PM
Point blank, was he controlling or abusive at all when y'all were married? If so, he may still be, he just hides it well while dating. Often abusers can charm you back in. Be very careful if that's the history...

Quoting Nicholy10:

There were many factors that led up to the divorce, but those factors do not seem to be present in our dating relationship. I think we were just too young to handle situations and had too much pressure from our families to divorce. 

Quoting Bookwormy: It truly depends on the cause of the breakup. My parents separated when I was 9yo, but should have done so when I was 7yo. I would have been horrified & miserable if they had reconciled, even as a preteen. Our family was "broken" when we lived together & my mother & I had a much healthier household just the two of us once she left & took me. You really can't assume.



Quoting RaeMarie:

Kids are very resiliant. They will more than likely go with the flow because it is something positive. Breaking up a family is much harder than putting one back together. Glad you worked things out! DH and I separated in '06. We got to the final signing of the divorce papers and called it off. We lived apart for a year. We are celebrating 23 yrs this summer. 

Nicholy10
by Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 2:31 PM

He was never controlling or abusive. He got verbally mean when angry, but then again so did I. We were young and had so much pressure on us. 

Quoting Bookwormy: Point blank, was be controlling or abusive at all when y'all were married? If so, he may still be, he just hides it well while dating. Often abusers can charm you back in. Be very careful if that's the history...
Quoting Nicholy10:

There were many factors that led up to the divorce, but those factors do not seem to be present in our dating relationship. I think we were just too young to handle situations and had too much pressure from our families to divorce. 

Quoting Bookwormy: It truly depends on the cause of the breakup. My parents separated when I was 9yo, but should have done so when I was 7yo. I would have been horrified & miserable if they had reconciled, even as a preteen. Our family was "broken" when we lived together & my mother & I had a much healthier household just the two of us once she left & took me. You really can't assume.
Quoting RaeMarie:

Kids are very resiliant. They will more than likely go with the flow because it is something positive. Breaking up a family is much harder than putting one back together. Glad you worked things out! DH and I separated in '06. We got to the final signing of the divorce papers and called it off. We lived apart for a year. We are celebrating 23 yrs this summer. 



Bookwormy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 2:35 PM
The kids will likely be thrilled unless the arguments start up again. I would suggest getting some "premarital counseling" to make sure you are in a good place & communicating in healthier ways now when disagreements do occur. Live together before remarrying & test the waters.

Quoting Nicholy10:

He was never controlling or abusive. He got verbally mean when angry, but then again so did I. We were young and had so much pressure on us. 

Quoting Bookwormy: Point blank, was be controlling or abusive at all when y'all were married? If so, he may still be, he just hides it well while dating. Often abusers can charm you back in. Be very careful if that's the history...

Quoting Nicholy10:

There were many factors that led up to the divorce, but those factors do not seem to be present in our dating relationship. I think we were just too young to handle situations and had too much pressure from our families to divorce. 

Quoting Bookwormy: It truly depends on the cause of the breakup. My parents separated when I was 9yo, but should have done so when I was 7yo. I would have been horrified & miserable if they had reconciled, even as a preteen. Our family was "broken" when we lived together & my mother & I had a much healthier household just the two of us once she left & took me. You really can't assume.

Quoting RaeMarie:

Kids are very resiliant. They will more than likely go with the flow because it is something positive. Breaking up a family is much harder than putting one back together. Glad you worked things out! DH and I separated in '06. We got to the final signing of the divorce papers and called it off. We lived apart for a year. We are celebrating 23 yrs this summer. 

Nicholy10
by Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 2:41 PM
1 mom liked this

That is a good idea thanks. I will talk to him about counseling. I already see a personal therapist, but maybe he could come along and we could do couples counseling. We plan to live together first. I'm not sure yet if we will remarry. Seems like a waste of money we don't have right now, it is just a piece of paper. We know how we feel.

Quoting Bookwormy: The kids will likely be thrilled unless the arguments start up again. I would suggest getting some "premarital counseling" to make sure you are in a good place & communicating in healthier ways now when disagreements do occur. Live together before remarrying & test the waters.
Quoting Nicholy10:

He was never controlling or abusive. He got verbally mean when angry, but then again so did I. We were young and had so much pressure on us. 

Quoting Bookwormy: Point blank, was be controlling or abusive at all when y'all were married? If so, he may still be, he just hides it well while dating. Often abusers can charm you back in. Be very careful if that's the history...
Quoting Nicholy10:

There were many factors that led up to the divorce, but those factors do not seem to be present in our dating relationship. I think we were just too young to handle situations and had too much pressure from our families to divorce. 

Quoting Bookwormy: It truly depends on the cause of the breakup. My parents separated when I was 9yo, but should have done so when I was 7yo. I would have been horrified & miserable if they had reconciled, even as a preteen. Our family was "broken" when we lived together & my mother & I had a much healthier household just the two of us once she left & took me. You really can't assume.
Quoting RaeMarie:

Kids are very resiliant. They will more than likely go with the flow because it is something positive. Breaking up a family is much harder than putting one back together. Glad you worked things out! DH and I separated in '06. We got to the final signing of the divorce papers and called it off. We lived apart for a year. We are celebrating 23 yrs this summer. 




tklrcl2014
by Member on Feb. 23, 2017 at 1:24 AM
1 mom liked this

I would not move back in together UNTIL you've been through couple's counseling for a few sessions. Make sure old arguments aren't going to come back up.  Remember, your kids come first and the constant back and fourth of reunification and separation WILL damage them if it happens more than once.  Make sure you both REALLY want this, and aren't doing it for the kids or for selfish reasons.

SeanandNoahsmom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2017 at 1:09 AM
I agree; please be careful!

Quoting tklrcl2014:

I would not move back in together UNTIL you've been through couple's counseling for a few sessions. Make sure old arguments aren't going to come back up.  Remember, your kids come first and the constant back and fourth of reunification and separation WILL damage them if it happens more than once.  Make sure you both REALLY want this, and aren't doing it for the kids or for selfish reasons.

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